Advice on teaching someone etiquette?

How should I handle this? Last night, in the public area of my rental block I happened to meet a female av who is extremely shy. I'm not sure she has English as a native language but we got along well enough. She also rents somewhere in the skybox complex. We had a nice chat and then she had to disappear suddenly, but we did exchange "Friends". Today I rushed home for lunch and took some pictures of the apartment and my skybox that I own so I could put them up on the "Where do you live" thread.

I noticed that someone or something was trying to materialize in my apartment repeatedly, and was getting rejected by the security system. I figured it was a chance occurence. Went to my skybox cottage and the same thing was happening, and my security orb was obviously bouncing them as well. Suspicious but could be a coincidence. I checked my email this afternoon from my RL phone...it was full of IM's saying that (that person) was being repeatedly evicted. I've never restricted anyone from seeing me on the map, which is how she probably found me in my skybox cottage as well.

I don't think this is malicious...I'm a reasonable judge of character even after just a half hour talking to someone. Had I added her to my white list(s) she would have just dropped in unannounced! She seemed new enough that I'm sure this is just an innocent mistake. How can I phrase my instructions to her, seeing that she is a stranger and may even have a different cultural bias than me? I was thinking that I might phrase it that "I need to turn off my security system when you want to come over, so you really need to IM me first and make sure I'm actually there and available, OK?". Thanks for any advice...Jackie

Just straight up ask her to IM before trying to drop in on you.

Or you could get one of these:


They're trained for etiquette and protocol.
AND they can speak the binary language of moisture vaporators! Or well binary load lifters which are similar to vaporators in most respects.

This sounds good to me. What you stated there is factual, to the point and not harsh at all.

The question that that begs is "well why don't you add me to your list?" And just be honest: "I only allow a few people to come into my home when I am not there, and we are not good enough friends yet to make me feel comfortable doing that."

Scripted baseball bat.

OH; she set LM's inside your homes? Wow. Or she rezzes where she logged off from? Is it possible that she's simply trying to log in to SL (if she's one of those people who doesn't rez at her 'home' point, but rezzes where she last logged off from) and the security is not allowing her to rez? I know I am not making myself clear here, it's not even clear to me, lol. Anyway, once you do talk with her, what you wrote here is nice, non confrontational. Just that 'repeatedly' seems kind of strange.

I would doubt, based on our conversation last night, that she would think to ask that question (now, that sounds harsh, doesn't it), but thanks...good idea. I think I'd go more like "only my significant other has free access to my places".

wowzers.

It will not stop people from logging in, it should just eject or teleport home.

Now that you mention it, she did disappear from my apartment in a flash last night...could have logged off and is set to go back to the last place when she logged on. I hope she figured it out! That doesn't explain why the same thing was happening in my skybox cottage...she never was even there. Could be a coincidence. Thanks.

Sorry, I don't know of any culture in which it would be considered permissible, let alone polite, that someone literally materialise in the living room (like RL climbing in a window, I suppose) unannounced, let alone uninvited.

Just tell her bluntly. No need to be rude but be very plain spoken and blunt, especially since English may be her second language; simple sentence structures translate the clearest.

What's worrying is that she wasn't even at your place, or places, so it isn't as if she even re-rezzed there because she had it set to rez at the place she last signed off from. (ETA I just read the post above and no, she didn't merely rez there, since as you noted yourself, she did this in BOTH places.) Even taking a LM to someone's home is not kosher, unless specifically told to by the resident.

I edited out the part where I said she 'hunted you down' since now you clarify she was in your apartment before (or I misread that part in the OP). Got a bit confused as you also said she had never been to your home...maybe you meant the skybox. Anyhow...

Bluntly tell her what's what and take her off your friends list too, is my advice. Oh and hide yourself on map. No good reason I can think of to let others track you in world. I've had total strangers tell me my SLurl coordinates without my being mappable, so don't make it even easier for such people.

You gave her permission to find you on the map?

Is your skybox over your apartment, or on another sim?

If the first, then all she had to do was fly upward.

Still doesn't make her actions any less creepy.

As to your title question, I doubt one can 'teach etiquette' to someone so self serving and clueless. Blunt instruction and if necessary self protective measures are key. Your security orb exists for such people; if a please and thank you worked for everyone, security companies would go broke. It is nice that you wanted to try the polite route, but this one has crossed the line already, so too late for sugar coating, in my opinion.

this is the uncomfy part. maybe she is just curious, but will take a hint based on the actions of your security device. in the event she does ask for permission to enter, the advice above by Cristalle was very diplomatic.

I'd be more prone to install a booby trap but I hope diplomacy works for Ms Break and Enter.

Default is set up to show if person is online or not, but the rest of the boxes are not checked. As in cannot see on map, cannot edit other's stuff. Have to set it to see on map.

So I would note that I would be surprised if I see someone that I've just become friends with allow me to see them on the map (which has happened more than once). Though others can and do think differently. So if I see someone has personally gone in and set it up so I can see them on the map, I'd assume that they have given me permisison to teleport to their position (actually, I am not sure I'd assume that, though I can see how someone can assume that). Since that is an easy on-off thing. Turning on ability to see on map. And most, in my limited experience, do not automatically go in and set see on map. Of course experiences vary, and of course I'd still, personally, probably say something first before just teleporting over.

---
oh, and I'll add that some new comers to SL do not immediately grasp what and where they can go. (more can be said here, to tired to think clearly, heh; like "if they played a lot of games, can go anywhere in games; expect to go anywhere in SL" or something like that).

Lexxi - when I was brand-new I didn't even know how to get off Newbie Island (TM). Finally someone half heartedly told me to just pick a place in the map and click on it. Wound up in a dungeon (where the people were actually the first to be helpful - in a PG way Lol) and a lot of empty sims. Why they told me to go about it that clunky way, I dunno.

I eventually gave up, tried to cancel SL by phone, it didn't work, blabla.

If this person knows about finding/looking for homes, a skybox, etc. (out of all the random places in SL, they find this person's homes?) and how to get inside without going through the door, or how to map someone, then I really question if they are brand-new or some alt.

Just a lot seems fishy about their actions.

Is perfectly clear =)

This is the most logical explanation for whats happening. And when she gets sent home she thinks the program is borked, unaware that security orbs even exist, and so she keeps trying hoping that it will fix itself. Is not uncommon for new and inexperienced people to do this.

To OP, IM your new friend and explain.

To security orb/guard makers, for those who dont do this already, please add the capability for the user of your product to enter their own message to display rather than just your message that basically states "Piss off or I kill you in 10"

Would be much better in these circumstances if the message said "Hi, we're not home at the moment. Please come back when we are." or "Hi, please IM me before you visit k" or stuff like this.

She is also trying to enter the person's OTHER home. Where she has never (with permission, or the homeowner's prior knowledge) been.

Ya. A lot of new people do this. Ive lost count of the new people who have dropped in on me the same way. Most of them understand not to do this anymore when I chat them about it.

My point was that it isn't just a question of her accidentally rezzing at the last point she'd been when she logged out the prior time.

She's doing this on purpose.

Perhaps. Maybe. Dont know. Only way to find out for real is to chat her.

Not to be pedantic and I'm not 'arguing' honest - but how could she rez upon sign-in at a place she'd not logged out in? Unless she was purposely finding the place and tp'ing in?

Ya youre right. The login issue is not what is happening here really.

Jackie is not hiding from her new friend on her friends list. The new friend can see her on the map and is trying to TP to where she is and/or wants to see where her new friend lives. Is curious. Nosey even maybe.

Is a bit strange when experienced people do this, but new people are like that sometimes until they told not to. So I just try give them the benefit of doubt in the first instance anyways and see what happens after a chat.

Yeh it sounds like the OP will approach this with tact at least at first...I just didn't want them to be taken advantage of because a lot about it sounds fishy to me.

Sometimes people can be too nice and end up being run over.

The person is tp'ing into a private home repeatedly despite the orb telling them they have to leave. That's a bit clueless. Even if new to a game I'd know not to go into a building that looks like a house. But that's just me.

One place I rented in had a lot of trespassers. They typically simply did not care, they considered all of the game 'theirs' as if it were all on a disc in their game collection. The concept of private ownership/rental was lost on them, because they simply did not acknowledge or care what other people did in the game. It's a form of entitlement thinking.

I'm not sure what they are thinking if they think about it past "I want."

Tracking someone in game is also a bit creepy IMO. (I still wonder how a legit newbie figures out how to do this. Most are just trying not to bump into walls.)