Your opinions please....

Hey! I was fully clothed! Errr... at least the important bits were fully clothed. That was a PG show.

Well the obvious question to ask is.


Phr33k,

When you asked your wife about your online thing, did she consider it cheating?

I hate to tell you this, but I don't think you'll find it has much effect. When I point out in my profile that I'm partnered I end up getting additional come ons with condescending comments about how ridiculous I am that I would choose to be monogamous in SL. It's more than that, I have no interest in SL sex. Some people, however, can't seem to imagine any other reason for coming here.

Just one of the curses of being too damn sexy, I guess.

Thx all for your responses, sorry i have not responded (i work in rl too). You all have great opinions. I tend to think though, that if what the majiority of you say is true, then everytime i have a thought or glimpse of a thought, or fantasy or dream of anyone else digital or otherwise its cheating.......and i disagree. My RL marriage and SL relationship is firmly in tact, and as i said before i am in no turmoil here, and i need no ones justification for anything i do here, thank you for all of your responses.

I fail to see how that proves anything one way or the other.

It is entirely possible to keep your marriage intact and have a RL affair, for example. Assuming you didn't get caught.

A RL affair would be cheating, after all.

I have said this before on other threads, I too met my RL husband in an online yahoo chat room 7 years ago, and we've now been married for 5 of those years. He joined SL first, back in November of last year, and I had a problem with it at first. He would go to clubs and dance, etc, and it bothered me I'll admit. I know how real virtual relationships can be and can become, so it was a definite threat.....in my eyes. I began sitting with him and watching him play (yes, staking my territory....lol) and became quite curious about the "game" (and I use that term very, very loosely) so I joined in February when we had the 2nd computer hooked up. We partnered very quickly on SL, and I can tell you that if either of us were to engage in even intimate conversation with someone else (whether in SL or RL) each of us would regard that as cheating.
You may not need any justification for what you do here, after all it's your life. But I think it can be perceived by what you have said that your RL wife has no idea about your SL relationship. If you don't feel it can jeopardize your RL, well, I feel you're wrong. It can and it will. And speaking as a woman.....there's some truth to the whole "intuition" thing, and sooner or later, your RL spouse will notice that something is going on. So, you're right, you need no justification. But if (or more likely, when) that happens, let me be the first to say "i told you so". I don't mean that to flame you at all, but I just tend to have very strong feelings on the subject of respect in a relationship. If you're engaging in intimate conversation with another outside your marriage, it's not only cheating, it's lack of respect. You may be able to keep RL and SL separate, but don't forget that your SL relation ship also has a real person controlling that avatar.
Just sayin' <shrugs>

I don't think anyone's saying that at all. It's one thing to have private thoughts in your own head that you share with no one. It's quite another to share that part of yourself with someone other than your wife. If you're going to share it at all, it has to begin with her. If you don't feel you can do that, well, that's what marriage counseling is for.


As I said, I can't pretend to know you or your marriage, but just knowing what I know about people, I have a hard time believing that that's true. Deny it to yourself all you want, but the fact is if you were getting everything you needed from your marriage, you'd have no need for another romance, be it online or anywhere else. The very fact that you're involved in it at all is absolute proof that something is amiss in your marriage. It really could not be otherwise. Whether or not you're ready to accept that though is a different story. That kind of self reflection is the hardest thing in the world to do.


Whether or not you "need" it, you were clearly seeking it by starting this thread. You might not feel that you need anyone else's permission (and you don't), but obviously you had pause to question what you've been doing, or you wouldn't have asked for opinions. I think that if everyone had said "No, it's definitely not cheating, and you're completely in the right," you would probably have walked away from this thread feeling very relieved. But since the vast majority have said what you didn't want to hear, the easiest thing for you to do now is just to dismiss it all by (politely) saying "I don't need justification. That's not what I was asking for. I know everything's fine, even if no one else does."

Again, I invite you to explore how you would feel if your wife were having an emotional affair with another man. I can't believe you'd think it's OK.

there is a difference between "having a thought" and cybering someone you arent even married to in rl.

to be honest i find the OP disgusting and i will tell you why. No 1 he is lying to his wife and not even giving her the common decency of telling her what hes doing.

No 2 There are very real consequences to cheating with someone in sl. I dont want to be crude but . . what the hell . . if you are shooting your load over pixels, thats less for your wife. If you are emotionally attached in a romantic way to someone other then your wife, you weaken the psychic and emotional connection you have with your rl partner. There is only so much of you to go around and if you are spreading yourself around to different people. Then youve settled for quanity over quality. Youre cheating your wife out of an authentic marriage and authentic relationship. and to be honest you should be ashamed of yourself for being a big fat liar.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

Its one thing to say its cheating,

To even disagree with the OP and being adamant that its cheating.

Even to say how wrong cheating is.

Publicly judging specific actions though. I dunno. Bit much I think.

then he should have thought about it before asking everyone for their opinion. Well thats my opinion with the info he offered. i wont take back what i said.

That was pretty blunt. But other than the last three words which were not needed, I can't argue with you.

At least when viewed from the rear.......

LOL...I can see why this topic would alway end badly. Isn't SL and relationships within it just too complex for a simple answer? Is it a medium for socialising and possibly more or a second life?
I've met a lot of people who are close here, both married RL (mostly with kids) and have no intentions of ever meeting RL. Why? because they both have secure happy marriages..aren't "hammering" SL, but get something mentally from their SL "partner".
For sure you could say their cheating..would their RL partner be happy if they knew..all sorts of stuff. Also i think its probably right to say that if you need something mentally from an SL partner your obviously missing something in your relationship with your RL partner, if only temporarily. But life's like that!!...it's just possible that SL has saved more RL partnerships than its ever broken up. Every RL partnership has its ups and downs..the tendancy now is to walk away....but maybe sharing with someone else in SL (for a while, no one does SL forever), who knows the work it takes to keep a good RL relationship going can help in the long run. Could it be just like calling an old and trusted friend to talk about you RL relationship? Cybersex is the difference???...mmm...depends how much importance you put on it and SL i guess.
So its not always about some cheating guy getting his rocks off...sometimes its about people who are deeply committed to their RL partners and probably have been for many years...but appreciate having someone else to turn to to talk through life's little problems and relationship issues..and firmly believe it strengthens their RL relationship.
And thats why some people call it second life
No simple answer!! All opinions are right.

i was trying to be funny but i guess it didnt work. Kay i take back the big fat liar part. Its probably alot more complicated in rl then the OP suggested anyway.

lmao what are you talking about? Is this how youd rationalize it? And listen, its not nice to use people as a vehicle to put spice back into your marriage. Sounds a little selfish to me. Ohhh is life like that? Interesting theory. Anyway who am i to say how people want to live inside of marriage. Its a bit disgusting to me but whatever. Not my marriage.

Before this devolves into an err Uh Oh v. Brian deathmatch, you're both right, ok?

Only two weeks ago I think it was, someone came here and said their marriage was going a little squiffy but when they *both* discovered the abilities of SL, they got back on the road to unity. Score one for Brian!

However, entering into any kind of relationship with someone not your spouse and not in their knowledge, even merely diverting time from your spouse to your SL partner is most likely going to be damaging. Score one for err Uh, ok?

SL is different things to different people even when seemingly all the cards are laid out. There are still the one-off uniqueness that makes us special.

People love categories. Life hates em!

Mmmm...well actually i'm not cheating on anyone..just offering an opinion...don't much appreciate the disgusting bit though..lol. Your right...everyone is entitled to an opinion *smiles sweetly*

Good point, Brian and made me recall an example of this:

Attended a cancer support group - guest speaker was someone who beat a particularly bad (not that there's a "good" type of cancer and was there to share as encouragement to others. Speaker was accompanied by SL partner who was fighting a very bad type of cancer. As part of the speaker's introduction, they shared that they both (speaker & partner) had longtime, RL stable marriages. The two of them met and formed a bond on SL due to supporting each other in their respective battles with cancer. They said that their RL spouses were wonderful but sometimes the feelings of frustration, fear, anger, etc. that comes with being a cancer patient could only really be understood by someone in the same situation.

oh it is disgusting to me. But its also not my problem

Mmmm...and i nursed my RL partner for years....and found SL when i found myself alone.
But i seriously wish i'd found SL before.
So...maybe my opinion does count?

i do agree with you that marriage is usually too complicated to make any type of judgements about what the OP suggested, without being inside of it. I wouldnt want any part of it.

Thats a completely different situation from what the OP is talking about. It really makes a difference the reasons why, you know?

If it don't feel like cheating, your SL sweetie isn't doing something right.

Maybe she should watch Pornos, or read Cosmo. Something. Get some ideas.

Carli, maybe you could teach a class.