I'm going to meet my RL wife in SL but will I fancy her?

my 2 cents:

if i could get my hubby to play SL with me, i'd probably be so into him that i'd forget all about my SL friends and actually use a sexual SL poseball. he's a very sexy man and has a wicked sense of humor, and we have a fun time with flirting and playing with innuendos and such - but he thinks SL is for girls, and he doesn't play with dollies. *sigh*

it might go better than you expect. she might become the woman you always wanted her to be, which might spill over into RL. and hey, here's YOUR big chance to be HER dream man.

wait a minute... Freaky considers the possibility for one brief moment that he might not already be, scratches his head, frowns, then smiles as he realises what a silly thought that was

My advice it that you are putting too much pressure on yourself thinking about the sexual aspects of Second Life before you and your wife have had a time to experience it generally.

Before worrying about what may turn you on or not in Second Life, just first start figuring out what things in general you and she like. You and she can gradually discover where you differ on what you like, where you are the same in what you like.

I am sure that in real life, all the time, there are things that you enjoy doing with your life that really have nothing to do with sexual attraction or desire at all. Second Life could turn out to be one of them. If so, Second Life is no different than when you watch "American Idol" together or go to your friends' house for Scrabble night.

(Assuming you don't play Strip Scrabble with your friends (yes, I'm not making it up, don't ask). Or assuming you don't have some sort of strip game associated with watching "American Idol."

I know plenty of married couples who play MMORPGs with each other (not the same as Second Life, but similar in ways). To the best of my knowledge, their characters' sexual appeal to each other is completely immaterial. When they are gaming together, the sexual part of their relationship just is not at the forefront.

For many loving couples, there is nothing in the way of sex than Second Life can offer that in any way supplements or replaces what is available to them in real life. Other couples are different. For some couples, I'm sure Second Life could provide a way of exploring sexual fantasies with each other that cannot be explored in Second Life.

Do you have any hopes that Second Life can offer you and your wife something different sexually that you can't do in real life? If not, don't be concerned at all about whether you will find her "attractive" in Second Life. It won't matter.

The larger problem to worry about is whether one of you is going to find sexually appealing content that the other not only doesn't share, but makes the other uncomfortable. Is one one of you going to have problems with the other going to a Second Life strip club? Flirting with others? Having cybersex with others? Will it make you feel bad when she admires another avatar's unrealistically large genitalia? Are there potentials for jealousy? Those I think are your more important issues.

In fact, you and she are wise to talk about all those things with each other as soon as possible, before you are both together in Second Life, and even as long as just one of you is using Second Life whether it is with or without the other.

I have no personal experience, and I am not a psychologist, but I doubt that whether or not you and your wife find each others' avatars sexually appealing is going to negatively impact your marriage. Do not over-worry, and do not pressure yourself.

I have kept out of this thread because it was a sensible question posed in a sensible way by a sensible guy and I don't have any specific experience which would allow me to offer definitive advice.

But . . .

. . . I have a feeling that you might be better off just getting a couple of Skype accounts set up with webcams.

Pep (So she can check you don't have a woman in your room and that you have changed your socks)

If you find you don't fancy her in SL, upgrade your video card. That'll help.

My RL fiance is my partner in SL, and as we live in different towns, we often hang out in SL in the evenings. We own land but separate houses there, but also "communal" space that we both decorated. I frequently nag him abouthis appearance, he isn't half as fashion conscious or adept at editing appearance as I am, but the nagging is just as in RL a good hearted kinda thing. What we don't do is cyber. Yes, we do own a sex bed (it's in MY house...), but when we use it it only ends in giggles because, well...it IS kinda unrealistic. We both have alts- two of them are partnered as well, but we also both have another set of alts with genders switched. He is a real tarty ho, and I am an emo goth guy. No, they're NOT partnered! We both like to furnish and decorate our places in SL and you can definitely see our different styles.

So my experience says even with different computer (or SL) savviness, it's just as n RL for us- having fun together but also on our own sometimes, sharing but also still being very individual. It's what has kept us a couple the last 11 years.
*goes off to give Raynor a hug*

So true ...

*Hugs back!*

See? He even crawls out of lurkdom for me! *gets the warm fuzzies*

Two linguists in love. How cute

TBH, it may very well just be Voip, have done it before, no biggie, just thought this would be a bit different.

Just to add a little, my wife attended a function i was hosting yesterday and half way through disappeared. After a fairly long while, i thought i would go and check she hadn't fallen asleep with the laptop on the bed.

I was pleased that she was still online and had left with a charming italian guy so she said.

Now bedfore anyone starts with any advice or concerns my wife and i know where we are at - nuff said there *coughs but i was actually pleased that she went in her own direction and not prescribed by me. I would love for her to find the same enjoyment in sl as i do.

She very much likes her avatar this time around so maybe...?

How you and your wife enjoy your time together and apart is entirely between you two; as long as you agree, no one else has the right to question it.

That said, every case of which I have personally known, in which a RL married couple had separate virtual romantic lives, with each other's full knowledge and consent at first, the virtual romantic lives have resulted in huge real life marriage problems. Even leading to divorces. (And I'm not even talking about the secret online romances- I'm just talking about the ones in which the married couple mutually agreed that they were okay with it.)

That said, I hope that you and your wife have a completely different and happy experience. But I hope that your initial good experience does not put you off-guard too much. Continue to talk about what you are doing online with each other early and often. Be prepared to change or completely drop your online behavior at the first hint of trouble.

I am not saying to look over each other's shoulders, spy on each other, or get suspicious. Absolutely give each other individual space, and absolutely trust each other. Just confirm daily that you are both happy with whatever arrangement you have.