I'm going to meet my RL wife in SL but will I fancy her?

Yes as per thread but it's not quite as silly as it reads.

I saw a thread similar to this some time ago and it read quite amusing and i'm sure it was written as such but my circumstances are about to change and all of a sudden it's a serious topic. Here's the background:-

I have been in SL for some time, 10 months give or take a few alts. My wife came in at the beginning but had little time and didn't really develop the same interest so is still pretty newbish in skills.

In January, my circumstances dictate that i'm going to have to live away from home and it seemed obvious to introduce SL, now obviously this won't substitute for distance but I think we all know how it works.

I've set her up an avatar and with her de-noobed it so she's a day one babe but although we've been apart before like this, there was no SL for us.

The issue is that i'm genuinely concerned as to whether i'll find her SL persona attractive! Will we end up on pose balls? I have no idea as to whether she can emote for starters and although she has a deliciously velvety phone voice that would in my opinion earn plenty as a premium rate service operative but the circumstances will only permit text where I will be and besides, I would rather read and write a story than engage in verbal narrative.

I'll be honest in that our RL relationship has been strained before and isn't exactly 100% now and I know the obvious answer is to fix RL first and that's exactly why i'm having to be away (job change to permit a better home life to be specific) but we see SL as a tool to help in the mean time.

So this is a bit arse about face from the normal SL -> RL love story but i'm actually curious as to how other RL couples work in SL, I only know one couple in world like this so don't have much to go on.

I would really love to re-love my wife in SL and no, constant poseball action isn't necessarily on the agenda.

Thoughs? (oh and piss take if you must, it's just SL right)

Any relationship takes work to nurture it or it will have problems regardless where it started.
It isn't always about me, and sometimes "needing" stuff be it intimacy or what not
just isn't going to work, sometimes while both people care they are bored to tears of each other or just unwilling to do what it takes to make the relationship better.
My Significant other of five years joined SL in July. Our relationship the good and bad is about the same as it is in SL as it is first life, except in SL he is more quiet because it's harder for him to use his hands to type and I don't have mic.
And except sometimes there is misunderstandings in SL and it leads to RL arguments.
And if your intimacy with your partner sucks in FL, it won't neccessarily get better once they join SL either if they aren't interested.

Will she fancy you is the question. Your name is Freaky, of all things. What will it say about you? What do you bring to the table?

My best advice? Court your wife. Take her out on SL dates. Let the poseball action come naturally, as it were, after you take her dancing on Slowdance 3 or 4. It's wintertime so Christmas decorations are up all over... take her ice skating. Do all the things you take for granted by being married. I don't think you would have to worry about the rest, then.

I fell in love all over again with my RL husband in SL. I saw new sides to him and rediscovered things about him I had forgotten.

We have separate houses on an island we share and I find it intriguing how he decorates his house and what he discovers to share with me when he explores SL.

One of the new things I learned about him was that although he never gets out of jeans and tshirts in RL, he is quite the fancy dresser in SL. Now that I know what a fashionista he really is, I have insisted that he indulge this side of him in RL too.

I wish you the best and hope you learn to play together here.

Yea my partner finds interesting things, does interesting things he shares and often I do get to see him in ways I don't get to always see in FL which is very nice experience.
He has his life, his creations and interest, and I have mine but we do spend time sharing what we like which can be very powerful experience for any couple who has been around each other for any length of time.

My advice would be to be aware that she will probably view SL in a totally different way to the way you do. She'll likely see it as just another communication tool, like the telephone or instant message chat if she's never really got into playing/living in a virtual world before.

She may really enjoy SL and throw herself into it with gusto. It's a fantastic experience to share SL with someone you know and love in RL. And heck it's a million times better than a telephone call. But I imagine she's not going to be acting like an SL partner in the way you might expect from day one.

My suggestion would be to take it really easy and not have expectations of virtual sex before you've discussed it in RL. It's just like phone sex. Some people love it and for others it's a real turn-off or just plain boring. She may adore spending time with you in-world but not want to do the whole SL pixel-bump. It may take her a long while to even realise the romantic possibilities of a virtual world. It's a pretty strange concept to someone who's not into the whole web socialising thing.

That being said I would have loved to have SL when my hubbie and I were living at other ends of the country. Back then we were constrained by phone calls and their cost and we didn't even have computers. It sucked big time and it was very hard to feel close when we were miles apart. SL would have been a wonderful asset.

I wish all the best for you both and very much hope SL can help to ease the distance

I just wanted to revisit the thread to say thanks for the comments. I don't have particular expectations and some of the comments are applicable.

I have always had an interest in womens clothes (no not wearing them myself) but in buying them for another to wear. Yes it's true ladies, i'm the guy you CAN take shopping

Freaky is often a female av because it satisfies my fetish to buy female clothes and admire them on a female form. I'm absolutely the scruffy dresser in RL but in SL, she has always complimented my female clothing choices and if needs be, Freaky is equipped with all the male wardrobe, shape, hair too. Obviously she's not going to be too concerned about the name Freaky since she already knows about it and hey, she's my wife after all!

I do think it could be fun to go on dates again, dancing we love, used to do it up to 5 nights a week in RL and she has already done the pixel bumping with some other guy who picked her up (tart) way back in the beginning and I know that's not an end goal right now.

Maybe I should create another alt and go hit on her. Not to play mind games but the chase is the exciting part right? (I'm not necessarily serious about this course of action)

I was about to say, don't get your feelings "cracked" if she doesn't find your alt attractive. Or, even worse she finds your alt more exciting than you.

After reading your last post, I think you should be ready for change.

One thing I didn't realize when I first joined was the range of sexual experiences that one can have in SL. Your wife might be surprised that she'll be able to (virtually) cross a few things off her wish list.

She might want to be the man in the relationship, at least from time to time.

I'd recommend (if she takes to SL) that she make an alt whose name you don't you know, so that she can explore as freely as you've been able to.

My advice, use them as "dates" to do stuff that you wouldn't normally, or couldn't do in RL.

Go take a vacation on a tropical island - go dancing, ice-skating. Visit a part of the world you've not been to yet (there are all sorts of recreations of RL things in SL). Go to some live music concerts together in-world.

Personally, if I wanted to reconnect with a loved-one who was far away, I'd pick the dancing thing - far more romantic than the standard poseball-hopping.

You never know, you may just learn interesting new sides to each other.

Here's my example... The person in SL that I have my epic crush on: I honestly don't really like her avatar's appearance at all. (>_< But, when we're having fun together, I'm on cloud 9 and she's suddenly the most beautiful person I know. (^_^)

If ya dont facny her in sl... you shouldnt be married in rl.
Ya marry because your in love.. not just lust...

I can't add much to the good advice above. Good luck to you, mate, and keep us posted!

And if your girl wants some cybering lessons, just send her around to me. I'm very patient and happy to coach.

I predict it'll be odd at first (not necessarily bad, just odd like a first date where you're not sure quite what she's going for) but will get better and better as you work things out.

Just remember you have two relationships here. One well established, but a new one to build. Find the right balance between the two, and have fun.

And be ready & willing to make compromises -- like I need to say that to a married person!

Not necessarily. Some people come across very differently when writing than when speaking. When we love, we rarely know all or even most of the reasons. Love takes us, we don't choose it. Heck, we don't even really choose whether we prefer chocolate or vanilla.

On the other hand, we do choose who we marry, and whether to stay married. And I believe that while we can't choose to love, we can choose to want to keep loving, and that has a big impact. Commitment matters. I'd hate to live without it.

If it doesn't work out in SL, that doesn't necessarily mean it's doomed in RL. But it might be a good clue.

You've got a good start. She already understands SL and poseballs 'n stuff.

Still, I agree with those who say take it slow. Get to know your wife all over again. Treat it as a second honeymoon. Take her shopping, exploring. Talk with her...I get the impression that you haven't been doing enough of that in RL. Here's your chance to reconnect.

Assuming that all goes well, take her on a few romantic dates. See how you both feel about necking via chat emotes while you're doing some of the more suggestive dances. And take it from there.

I vote for de-knobbing male noobies on day 2.

you have the chance to take her to anyplace in the world now.even places that are not in the world..
i wouldn't be worried about all that other stuff..
take her to France or Spain..have hr lay on a piano while you play to her..go skydiving..
clubbing..
show her the world..
take advantage of this world and you may find something about your wife that you have been missing out on..
if you walk in this all worried and picky you are gonna be disappointed every time..
use this as a way to be with your wife when you are not with her..
it's not the phone so let her see your imagination not the picky side.

My RL husband is also my SL partner. It has been a fantastic extension of our rl relationship. We are somewhat different than most couples, as we also work together all day in RL.

SL allows us to individually explore things that recharge our personal souls - creatively, artistically and socially. In addition to that, we have been able to date each other all over again - a welcome change from our daily work and family commitments which have made personal time and RL dating almost non existant. Oh and let's not forget the visual fireworks that have added a little something to our intamacy.

In addition to the dancing, exploring, and pose ball escapades, we have often found ourselves just sitting on a beach texting to each other just about whatever. Typically when we can't find the time in RL - we head to SL, meet, sit and reconnect.

Silly as it sounds, as we sit back to back in the same room, thrust into a virtual reality environment such as in SL, we find ourselves closer than ever - in RL. We've each seen a new side to each other - and learning something new about the one you love - is very refreshing. For us it has enhanced our marital relationship in many ways.

I wish you the same.

Use the time to reconnect and learn to communicate again.
There is no body language, no smell, no feel, limited sound .... you have to supply all these with words. Pay attantion to your body language and emote what you are doing. When you are talking, if you find you are scratching you chin thinking about something she said, write it out. /me scratches his chin.

SL is another communication tool. Use it. And use it for more serious topics as well as the fun ones. After all, communication is key to any relationship.

Perhaps start a new alt your self so you can reexperience with her the starting of SL from a noob perspective to a degree and mold eachother to suit?

You could switch sexes

Okay this is a thread waiting Jig to happen. I sense you see SL as a land of opportunity for yourself and all teh boring old sex and freedoms of expression that go along with all teh exciting stuff like buildling colleseums and talking to landbots and flying around landing in people's backgardens. I understand teh travel - I do it myself which is why I made a conscious REAL decision not to have a partner/husband and family. It's rough on a partner especially if the relationship is shaky. Is it a transatlantic move/relationship just starting? I have always found thos a disaster since I was 18 - but they DO work on sl if you can find the times of teh day to meet. BUT beware the Atlantic ocean IF you are travelling that far.

Second, you say you are genuinely concerned about finding her attractive in sl. Or are you more concerned that others will find her more attractive? Or that SHE will find YOU attractive? Or hat YOU will find another woman attractive (provided she IS a woman). It's a two-way street. Maybe she should come on here and voice her own opinion on this. It would help to hear her case. Well, will you? Do you find your fantasies about her in real attractive? Coz, if you are liek most men I know they have fantasies about us. We have a reality that men have to accept and then we have a sexually gratifying side to us that our boyfriends desire. (Needless to say I am hot whatever my circumstances - NOT!)

Maybe teh flame is dying in your relationship? After all, you state you are not sure whether she can "emote" - you must have a definite opinion of this already. You have had sex with her, I presume. Does she emote then? That's a word we use for emotion and passion. I learnt when I first fell in love with men that they love the "emoting" and the way we breathe and husky-hot whisper in the ear with a hand where a man only dreamt it could be. Does she go forthat sorta thing with you? Sorry this is personal BUT you asked. Will she emote in sl - well, is she a literate type? Is she a creative person? Does she write teh kinda love letters that make men masturbate?

"Re-love" means outta love. For single me that is "Goodbye, Jig, you were expensive and opinionated and worked 22 hours a day and slept for 2. You emote like a cat on a hot tin roof BUT I dont love you." Is that teh same for you?

BUT communication is teh key. SL is all about communication. So - try it. I mean that. Save your marriage. This is teh distance you may need. Do it. The fact that you even asked this question indicates YOU do love her, you just havent come to terms with teh way love alters - but as Shakespeare said, in teh end REAL love never changes course."

Now I'll prolly catch sh*t for this so I sit back and wait. But, keep teh marriage going - and for f**k's sake dont have kids to "keep us together" cr*p.

Freaky already does this on a daily basis

Not sure if my wife will, she doesn't have the same patience as me with computers so it will be a test if anything as to whether she will tolerate SL anyway. Time will tell.

Ah Jig...right lets see. I'll pick a few bits to comment on, some *are* personal and probably don't need dissecting here so i'll pass on those. My original question remember was mainly how others in a similar situation had found SL and then yes I digressed a little.

Travel isn't a choice, I won't go into detail, it's not relevant but it's a short term displacement from home really, nothing more and only a handful of hours away so no drama should i be needed back home. Just can't do it on a daily basis.


I'm not a jealous person, i'd be more than happy for her to do her own thing as long as I can watch

As to the emoting...we will see!

Bugger, bit too late for the last part, should have made that choice 9 years ago haha

and no you won't catch anything from me, i'm far too level headed, i'm interested in the responses, i'm in listen mode more than discuss mode on this one.

I found out that my creative indicators in RL did not really hold up in SL. I have always been a very logical and sensible person in RL - took the math/science/computer route in school and did great, but hated most of the writing classes as I felt that I just didn't have that talent. I discovered, via SL, that I can write quite steamy passages............ and yes, I have sent a few stories that apparently sent the man off to some private pleasures.

So.... to OP - definitely withhold any preconceived ideas about her emoting until you have a chance to actually experience it with her a few times. However, even though you are married, she may have some shyness if your RL sex life is not very verbal. Make sure you do lots of emoting and that will help her over that hump if it is there.

ETA: And to the real question in the post -- I have no experience on a RL to SL relationship. My husband still thinks that SL is dump and we are all just playing dress-up.