A Bit of Compassionate Advice Please

A while back I made a new friend. He was super nice and had a wicked sense of humor.
He was also recently made homeless in SL.

Because I have a 4096 with triple prims and lots to spare I offered him the option of putting a small skybox above my land and told him to make a home for himself.

For a while all went well.

Then he vanished for 2 weeks. I was kind of worried about him and left a couple of off line messages for him. When he finally showed back up he never answered my off line messages or even said hello.

After a while I started talking to him in private chat and his responses were one or two word, noncommittal answers that clearly, at least to me, said, leave me alone.

So I did.

He hasn't logged back in, that I'm aware of, since that day. Its been a month now.

So I'm wondering. Should I return his stuff and be done with it?
Should I let it sit up in my sky collecting virtual dust in the hopes that one day he logs back in?
How long is an appropriate amount of time to wait before deciding someone has left SL forever?

I'm a little torn by this situation and not sure what to do so some constructive advice would be welcome.

FaTeke

Iv'e been in this situation before. Hes probably not coming back, if he does, he probably does not care about you.

Also returning is no real harm, people do get mad, but just casualy reassure him it's all in his lost and found and he can set it all back up when he wants.

Edit: That sounds a little insensitive. My main point is returning his stuff is not the end of the world, it can all be undone

It's always hard to tell why people just up and leave. Maybe they're just burnt out or something happened in RL or they are in fact total loons.

If you don't need the prims and they're not in the way visually, they're not costing you anything. I'd just leave them there until you need them or decide you want this personally totally out of your SLife.. When you do decide to nuke them, do it guilt-free - he doesn't lose anything by having his stuff returned.

If it were me I would return everything. A month away is a pretty good amount of time. If it were me in his shoes, I would expect to have my things returned after that long of a silence.

He may come back though.. but if he does, it won't take long to put things back together if that is what you both decide. It is painful to lose a friend with no word or explanation at all, as I have experienced that first hand.. but to offer hope they did show up again .

There may be something going on in his RL that is preventing him from logging in. However his silence the last time you spoke kind of sends up a red flag.

Good luck with whatever direction you decide to go.

If his personality changed that dramatically after his absence, it may well be he has some major issue in rl.

If you don't need the prims and his build is not in your way, why not give him a lil more time ? How much time is a matter of your patience and what the previous friendship means to you.

If you do not know if he has been on....drop a notecard on him, just saying you are concerned for him and wonder if he has left, if you see it accepted, you know when he has been on.....

If you do not see it accepted after a while, and do return his things, the notecard shows him you did indeed try to contact him from concern...

ditto

You were doing him a favor. No excuse for him treating you like that.

Sounds like he has either largely left SL or is playing on another account.

Whatever he was doing on his sudden reappearance .. he didn't really want to get back involved thus the briefness of talking to you.

I would think returning his stuff is fine.

Perhaps to be overly fair send him an IM offline "Hey are you still playing SL? All your stuff is still at my place"

And if you don't get a response by Monday, return it all.

From your story it's clear that you are a kind person who wants to 'do good' for people. For that you can be proud of yourself. I wish there were more like you. But FaTeke, you have to draw the line somewhere. This new 'super nice' friend isn't so nice anymore. Maybe he doesn't want to take advantage of your kindness, but he could surely have been a bit more grateful and more communicative.

First two weeks, now a month, and without a proper conversation. What I understand from your story, he was even a bit rude. You have showed enough patience, this socalled friend obviously isn't a real friend. So return his stuff and indeed be done with it. He will probably be angry and send you some IM's. That may be very uncomfortable for you. But remember that this guy was never a real friend and has lived long enough on your kindness, lindens and prims.

These kind of situations are always difficult. But you can look yourself in the mirror and see that you have done nothing wrong. This kind of land sharing rarely ends well and I advise you never to do it again. I also get many requests from 'new friends' if they can have a small piece on my sim or a place in my shop. I simply don't do it, because there's always trouble ahead.

True friendships, REALLY true friendships are very very very rare in SL. You can have a very good friend, let's say for 90%. But 100% almost doesn't exist. Good luck, stay as kind as you are but not too kind...

QFT. There are a lot of users and manipulators in SL as well as RL. From the info you've posted, I get the idea he may be one of these, ESPECIALLY being rude to you after you did a kind favor for him.

Return his stuff and if he sends rude IM's - mute is your friend

I certainly hope this particular event hasn't occured with your friend ... but I have all account names and passwords to games, email, Facebook, blogs and so forth documented for particular trusted people should I pass to the great beyond. This way farewell blog posts get posted, associates get emailed, and mostly, folks who only know me by online persona don't spend time worrying about what happened.

Simply return his stuff, he disappeared for 2 weeks then return and simply ignored you answering only with only a couple of words, then log off and for a month he’s still out?? Well get ride of his stuff, you might to need prims today but you don’t know tomorrow’s day, try to put a skybox and rent it yourself

Maybe another person is using the account of your friend. I know a person that was in vacation, then he decided access SL trough a public Internet room (cyber cafe). After this, his account was stoled and he missed his island and a lot of money.

Truly sensitive answer: don't let people do that to you.

Think of it this way: whatever his issues are, he might learn to treat others better - bloody hell, if he won't even talk to you much just toss him and wash your hands of it.


and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

You sound like a caring and compassionate person. He sounds like a jerk. I would have to go along with Desmond on this one.

If you need someone to use up your prims send me an IM.

"CX"

Djamila,

This is a good idea, I wish I had thought of it earlier, I'll do this today and then we'll see. If he doesn't pick up the note in a couple of weeks I'll send him a nice IM telling him that I'm returning his stuff. Thank you for the advice!

FaTeke

Send back his stuff and send him a note explaining why. Then don't give it another thought.

Ghosty,

Oh my gosh! I never even thought of that as a possibility. Now I hope he's just being rude. LOL

Honestly though, he is such a nice guy, gracious, funny, kind and sensitive. He never asked me for a place to live I offered it. I think something may have happened to him in-world or in real life and he has decided to leave SL. I just feel it in my bones.

I just don't want him to think I was being an a*s if he does log back in. I'll take the advice of an earlier poster and drop him a note card, if he doesn't accept it in a few weeks I'll return his stuff.

Thank, all of you for replying, its helped me come to my decision.
FaTeke

Desmond,

Very funny use of this song! LOL

FaTeke

IMO, he's playing another account, and is too emotionally involved with someone else to be respectful enough to do the right thing. I'm with Brenda. Return it without a thought.

Wait - is his place nice? Ban him from your land and rent it out to someone.

My answer is the same as Desmonds and most others. You didn't do anything other than befriend someone and treat them with more respect and decency than they apparently deserved. If he's bailing out, it's his responsibility to man up and tell you, not to slink off leaving you holding the mess. I would return his stuff and move on.

Don't let CX near your prims! I need them.

Kidding.

I hope so too! Rude is so much better in that instance.

In a way I agree with you here, if I were living on someone else's land and decided I was leaving SL, or even just taking a break, I'd IM them, let them know what I'm doing and even remove my items if the situation called for it.

But in SL, no matter how close you think you are with the AV that you met here, you never TRULY know that person unless you meet in RL. So I just don't know whats up here.

Tell you what Trout, meet me in-world, give me a Trout rating and I'll give you half my prims!

FaTeke

Ironically, I've found the reverse can be true, too.

Ever have someone you know who is normally classy and reserved in first life discover the grid, then suddenly do an Austin Powers-like "Yeeeaaah baybay!!!!!" ...and continue in such manner...

*hand over eyes*

You never truly know them even in first life.

If you did there would be a MUCH lower divorce rate.

Once again Trout beat me to the prims...