SL friends that died in RL?

…and sometimes don't you just wish someones avatar would just go an die!

I am pretty much in same boat so I understand I have nurse who comes and helps few days a week and boyfriend or former boyfriend who comes spends weekends with me.
I don't know though if he would say something to anyone here if something happen to me.
That was very touching and beautiful poem Lana by the way.
Thanks for sharing it.

If I don't have any way of checking on somebody then I'm not likely to be at the stage of being worried about them if they don't log on. In other words, if I considered somebody to be a real friend then I'd probably have their RL details.

This is the funny thing about SL. Many people consider themselves to be good friends and yet there's often a certain level of bullshit about it all. Because if you were to ask your so called good friends for their telephone number or home address then they'd probably run a mile.

As I'm fond of pointing out, I'm old and I've been online forever... which means that in nearly 20 years online, I've lost quite a few online friends. None yet on SL, thankfully.

I think that the worst thing about knowing someone via a technology like this is the not knowing. People come, people go, and you never really know if they go whether they got really distracted by RL or if something happened to them. It's something that in creeping up toward 20 years online I've never been at peace with, the not knowing, but the other option is to never make any connections beyond people you can go check up on personally, and that seems kind of short-sighted!

To address Joseph's question (hi Joseph, LTNS!): I've made sure that there's someone on SL who can find me should I just stop logging in one day. I know what it's like to be left wondering, and I don't want to do that to people I consider my friends. Or maybe I'm flattering myself that people would bother wondering. I'm sure they would at least want my stuff.

The real issue is not whether they're dead but whether they're stuck down a mineshaft and poor Lassie can't figure out how to send us an email.

Poor Doggy LLABS didnt tell her that Vista doesnt run as goo as XP does for some

A few months back my friends and I had this conversation about what we would do if SecondLife suddenly went offline and never came back. We generally agreed we'd curl up in a ball for a few days of intense withdraw! LOL We talked about what we would miss the most and the universal agreement was that we'd miss our friendships the most. The conversation eventually turned to what if one of us were to die unexpectedly in RL, how would we ever know?

So we passed a notecard around to each other and put our e-mail addresses and in a few cases our home phone numbers. At least this way we have a backup way of reconnecting with friends should the unthinkable happen.

I also made sure that my best friend has my password in SL so she can log in as me and give out my stuff to my friends and make sure those on my friends list know that I have passed. I have her password too and will do the same for her.

Its a bit of a gloomy thing to talk about but once you reach a certain age you realize that death hunts all of us and strikes when you are least prepared for it.

I make sure every day that the people around me in RL and SL know that I love them.

FaTeke Wottitz
"So shines a good deed in a weary world."
Willy Wonka

This topic came up a couple of times with me with people inworld. I also have been online it seems forever. I've made good friends this way in the past that have become great RL friends; not through SL but in other places; met my husband through match.com and one of my best friends through an online group that we have a common interest in.

Because of it, I have designated one person in my RL, who I trust completely, to be a contact just in case something should happen to me. He has the personal contacts of 2 specific people who I've gotten close with in RL, that mean a lot more to me that just being avatars. Both of them, have become close friends and would, I hope, know who to contact inworld too if something should happen to me.

There there are a couple more, who I also feel he needs to know about, that I know would be worried if I dropped off the radar suddenly. I am seriously considering giving him my password so that if something truly terrible happened to me, he would be able to log on and pass around the word more easily to my friends (it's my brother, who is more than just a brother; I consider him my best friend as well).

It is something to worry about. We make very deep friendships at times here and to have someone just suddenly disappear on you, is very disheartening. Particularly when you know the person had an illness to begin with, or was elderly and the potential for something happening was possible. I know friends in both categories; it is a concern.

Nobody could have predicted this type of environment eons ago, and the problems it would create as far as how to handle certain types of social situations. This, being the worst of them, as I have to acknowledge that many of us also carry on "secret" relationships here; making it even more difficult when things of this nature arise *sigh*

I can't imagine you not being dearly missed FD. You strike me as a very sweet soul who has no problem making friends.

The poem are Lyrics from a broadway musical "Wicked". Im sorry i couldnt find out the authors name.

~Lana Tomba

This question came up a few months ago when 2 SL friends died in RL. With in a short period of time. My response then as it it now was...

Yes, My son knows who in RL to contact should somethng happen to me. I have also written instructions with all the information on who and how to contact friends in SL. I believe that anyone in a serious partnership in SL should make some kind of an arrangement in case of an emergency.

As devastating as the loss would be, not knowing what happened to the other person would make it even more so.

What has happened has served to reinforce the nature of the relationships in SL. Just how real the emotional attachment becomes with the person on the other side of the screen. It is unfortunate that some think of SL as a game and not as the virtual world that it is and how the in-world relationships impact the Real World people involved.

What? Was a light hearted response.

Yes, it has happened to me.

I had been wandering pretty aimlessly in SL for a while, not really sure whether it was "for me" or not. Then I met this guy - he was the business partner of my girlfriend. From the start he seemed like a kind soul - an old soul, if you like, although I didn't know his real age.

We became friends, and used to spend many hours sitting on a riverbank, talking about life and the world. He showed me so much about what I could be. I made friends with his friends, and everyone had had similar experiences with him.

Then one day, after a routine surgical procedure he died of a heart attack.

It was then, for the first time, that I realised just how much SL had come to mean to me. It was then that I saw that you can forge real friendships. How did I know that? Because I missed him. Hell, I still do miss him.

His RL son came in-world for a while, and we spent time chatting with him, talking him through his situation - or trying. He was surprised and pleased that his father had so many friends in-world.

I know where he is buried, and have seen RL corroboration of his passing.

He helped me become something I never thought I could, and I will be forever grateful to him for that.

There are two in-world memorials to his memory and I visit one of them quite often.

it happened to me once. ex sl boyfriend wasnt happy i broke up with him. he made an alt and said he was the best friend of my ex and that my ex died in iraq. i was so disturbed and knew it was a scam. i told him i knew he was lying and i thought he was a sick fuck. then i muted the ex and his alt perm from my life. and i found out two weeks later the best friend was in fact my ex from a mutual friend.

Good for you!!

Listen to that small wee voice

~Lana Tomba

2 people whom I did not know real well but I used to play poker with one and surfed with the other a few times. Both nice people. There were memorials for both in a manner I think both would have liked. A poker tournament benefit for sclerosis (which the former died from) and surfing memorial tournament for the latter.

I do. I've hogtied my older daughter and forced her to promise to get on my account and notify my closest SL friend if I should die.

However, I have no plans to die, and dying is not in my plans, so I don't expect to ever have to rely on this contingency plan.

coco

I know one person quite well in RL who is also active in SL, and I hope if I kicked off that she would spread the word. I'd do the same for her, but what a terrible, heartbreaking thing to have to do.

For the record, other than a variety of non-terminable complaints - hay fever, sore back, paper cut on my pinky finger, I am entirely healthy and in no danger of going fins up in the near future. For someone to RP their own death is just sick.

One of the things I started to do in SL., when I first started, was Combat sword fighting with Katana’s. There is actually a whole culture on SL about this, including Clans and schools. You would think that it’s something easy to learn but there is a lot of strategy involved and to progress fast you really need someone to teach you the strategies and you need time to practice the finger movements. As I as struggling to learn this by myself, a woman meet me in the dojo one day. She was about my age and took pity on me after watching me struggle and getting beat constantly. She took the time to show me how things work, introduced me to my first school and I started to call her my friend. Actually, she was a friend to everyone within that community and everyone loved her.

Later on, as I got better she got sick. Cancer, I believe it was. My dream was to spar with her just to show her how good I had gotten and perhaps she would be proud of me for all the practice I had done. I would see her the odd time and we’d hug and she would say that she was still watching me. I told her to get better soon so that I can show her that she never wasted her time on me!

Later on, I heard she finally died. Someone told me she actually died at her keyboard. A relative came on the SL and accessed her friends list and sent out a message thanking everyone for being so kind to her. I cried for 3 days. You can imagine when someone so popular dies, that every Dojo and every Clan had a memorial setup. I really felt bad inside that perhaps I could have been more of a friend. Maybe offered to talk with her more if she needed it. I was sad.

Later on (and I won’t explain how), we found out that she was NOT dead and in fact was not even a girl and in fact was 40 years my senior. I had a good talk with him and discovered his secret, of which I will not talk about. Were still friends albeit not as close as we used to be. The fact of the matter is, I miss my friend! It was the whole personality of the avatar along with the person that made my friend. He uses a male ava now and instead of hearing that girls voice in my head, its an older man. I have sparred him and hope that he’s proud of me, but its someone I really don’t know that is tell me how good I have become. I miss my friend.

You are much more forgiving than I would be. I would have eaten the guy's head off, then never spoken to him again. That is so out of line it's almost difficult to conceive.

This is a public forum FD.

People who know you read it. More people than you realize, I suspect.

So, you just said it to much more than just a few friends you "know wouldn't be mad at [you] for being so judgmental."

If I were you, next time I'd think twice before spilling your guts in the forum, or someone's blog, about someone else (especially when it is negative.) You can hurt people without even knowing it.

Discretion is the better part of valor, FD. Wise words to live by.

Princess Ivory

PS - the rest of us are mourning the loss of our dear friend.

In light of all this, I might do one or both of the following:

Write a will, and specify that the executor should log on and contact anyone who knows me in world with the (presumably) bad news.

Create a scripted "Dead Man's Handle" that would IM certain friends if I didn't log in every, say, six weeks. Although given the chance of 'false positives' and the macabre results this might be not be a great idea.

Maybe have the Dead Man's Handle give out some sort of contact info so they can check on you in RL rather than have it tell them that you have died. Of course, only do it with people who you would trust with your RL info. You're better off having someone you know in RL already promise to log in and let people know - ie: "If I die, log in to my account and IM the following people: Gift my Lindens to: Anything that is transfer gift to: for them to distribute as they please." etc. I don't think I would even mention it in your will. You know someone has read how SL is making millionaires out of everyone and they will decide your land must be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. The next thing you know, some befuddled judge is trying to probate your estate and has to put a value on your account. What a nightmare.

The only two I sorta knew about was a talented scripter named Jesse Malthus, who passed last May in a car accident, and Thermoriax Golding, a sister of the wing, who passed last fall.

Other than that, we have had one of our Elders, Mung Epsilon, disappear on us, and we haven't heard of or from him since. It was all rather mysterious. He was a good friend and an excellent Guardian and I miss him a lot. I hope that he is safe and sound wherever he may be.

That leads me to another thought. What about folks you get to know real well, pretty much all but exchange RL info with, and then they all of a sudden never log in again. No indication of any issues, just poof! Gone. While I understand there is no way that LL would give anyone any RL info for someone else, I wonder if there is some way we could send info through LL to said person under those circumstances. Kinda like a "Hey, we are worried about you and miss you! Let us know if you are OK!" kind of thing.

My Friend Thor Bishop. He was a nice, honest and outgoing man. Thor met is SL partner and took things into RL with her. They had planed on getting married in RL. He passed away from an illness he had been struggling with.

Here is a link to a bit about him. May he ride bigger waves than he could have ever hoped for in the Sky above us.

This is a link with a little more about how Thor lived with us in SL. Not about his passing.

A Bit about Thor