Emotional involvement in SL

Do avatars dream of electric sheep?

In answer to the OP, yes I have experienced some moments of breathtaking happiness in SL. I've experienced several of those pure and utterly 'perfect moments' - the ones that you want to hang onto, the ones I'd previously only found in a beautiful RL sunrise or the moment of awareness on a RL beach that *this* is a holiday and you're far away from every care you had. Those moments can be found in SL, too, if you (generic) stay away from Default Hardened Cynic mode and can trouble yourself to open up and risk letting them find you.

Lows? One or two, but the happiness overrides those, as it does in RL. And anger? None. Mind you, I do get really pissed-off sometimes when I see negative, "you're talking out of your arse, pal," responses to positive and eager posts like the OP's on this forum. Talk about puking all over his Happy Meal. Let's allow just a *few* positive threads to thrive here, eh?

What Skell said. I'd quote the whole thing, but I'll assume everyone's read it.

I remember the mindblowing first few weeks where I wandered around here, waddling like a duck, dressed in freebies, walking into walls at every turn, utterly amazed by all that I found.
And for the most part that were just endless shops, newbie areas and adfarms. I hadn't even gotten to the incredible builds to be explored here.
I sometimes wish I could get back to that wide-eyed amazement, a definite high in my SL experience.
And the people I met were, and are, a tremendous part of that experience. I didn't know about classes or mentors but found this forum and the Cartel group and that made things a lot easier and more fun.

And so, like Skell mentioned, although the lows and the drama are certainly part of the experience, it's important not to become cynical and jaded. There is always something or someone new coming along to enjoy. Having to deal with a few bitter tolls and drama-queens along the way is just the price you pay.

And, like someone else said, without the PEOPLE (and the ups and downs they bring with them) there is no SL and you might as well be playing a sim game by yourself.

I was overwhelmed with emotional responses to stimuli in my first week in SL. I brought a close friend in, and she was overwhelmed too.

I'm not a newbie when it comes to online environments. Other environments are not as geared to the expression of the human condition as SL can be. My friend and I sat in my skybox on her first day, and we did somethign we hadn't done in many years - stayed up all night, sitting together and talking.

We both realized how much we missed each other's friendship. Yet, we had been in various other environments for the past few years - message forums, IM, Ultima Online. Those environments are geared towards communication, or in the case of UO, game-playing and RP.

SL is geared towards self-expression and immersion. That is what makes the difference, I think.

Love and all the good and bad that goes with it, grief for lost friends and abandonment, the joy of creating something from nothing, shared laughter, the 'Ahaaa' moment when you understand something you didn't understand before, the thrill of seeing someone do something wonderful they didn't have to do, the sadness of seeing someone do something nasty they didn't have to do, the satisfaction of just surviving in an alien world, the day when you say "Now i have seen EVERYthing!", and the the day after that, when you see something new and amazing you haven't seen before... All these I have experienced in SL.

Immersive?? I am dissolved, assimilated, I am part of the grid, and it is part of me now.

imogen

I think it's simply because we have less invested: physically, emotionally, economically, and even time-wise because it's so quick to get together; no driving, etc.

The more invested we get, the longer things tend to last -- provided that it's on both sides! We stand more to lose, so we put up with more before calling it quits.

Note that there's a good side to this: since we're quicker to cut our losses and move on, the chance of finding someone very compatible increases. The counterbalance to this is that a lot of folks just like the chase. (Big surprise, eh?)

Another aspect: SL is a place where we can safely play out our fantasies. For many folks, fantasies don't focus on long-lasting, faithful relationships -- quite the opposite.

Thanks Skell, you have said a lot there ...

I definitely have opened up and let the moment grip me, for better or worse ... this of course does lead to the lows sometimes, but I accept those as part of the necessity of the experience. My anger is impetuous short lived stuff, basically a reaction to an event, or unexpected behaviour. I will huff and puff and clear it out of my system, so it doesnt fester ...

Thanks for seeing this as a positive thread, I certainly wanted it to be that way, but everyone is entitled to their own view of course, since this IS a forum. It's the members that make it positive though ...

Aw sweety, don't even waste your time trying to "talk them back down to ground level". The ones with hate issues are usually drama queens and they thrive on it. It's just a waste of energy.

Exactly.

Wow, I have goosebumps.

I joined SL for pretty shallow reasons. Probably the worst reason possible, considering the state things were in at the time. But after meeting people things changed. I quickly made it my goal to turn SL into the social life I never had. Filling a much greater void than any shallow entertainment could have ever done. (^_^)

Now... I have really close friends. One in particular that I would do just about anything for. We've had our ups and downs, and from my own point of view, have had a very real friendship. I admit to have fallen into a certain infatuation for this person, but, in the end I don't think that's an emotion easily controlled. I'm sure the situation isn't 100% mutual, but I'm gradually learning to accept that and we continue to be good friends. (^_^)

I'm still getting used to interacting with people, but the people I've met so far have been the nicest and most tolerant I've ever met. This has all been a very amazing experience for me, and I don't plan on running away from it any time soon. (^_^)y

I think my most moving moments are usually when I get the chance to see the SL community come together for a single cause. Then it becomes easier to 'see' the people behind the avatars, to realize that they're not that different from you and that they really care deeply about at least one thing that you care deeply about. The builds that arise from that passion are truly impressive to me and when that time is over, I have those memories, those snapshots and those feelings to inspire me for a good while to come.

Do I feel hatred? Hatred is a very expensive emotion to maintain, so I try to work myself into the places of dislike and 'don't give a damn' rather than hate anything. And yes, I have my lows, but I get over them, just like I do in RL.

Well when I 1st signed up, I was used to knowin a lotta the folks off-line that I knew ONline through msg boards I was a part of, so when I joined SL, yeah I took more of the interactions "personal". I would talk to everybody like we was sittin' in the same room IRL, or on the phone, in the same city.

I dunno exactly when that changed for me personally...but a while back, maybe 'bout a year ago, that "feeling" quit. You don't know the person on the other side of the keyboard.

What if I was a professional actor, doin a "study" as a RL hobby, & that was my only reason for bein' on SL. Regardless of how much I talked, you wouldn't "know" me. I think this is a big cause of a lotta SL relationship drama as far as partners, etc.

I'm kinda unique anyway in the fcat that I'm more of a rebel/loner or so I been told over & over again, yet I ramble like a senile ex-college professor on dope...so I talk & talk, but people don't know, me, I don't know them, & to an extent that's just how it is usually.

For these reasons, I don't intentionally put my emotions into the Grid, nor do I take most attacks personally.

They see the av, they see what I type...but I got a million stories, I'm real unique IRL even for a traveled American in Chicago, so I don't expect folks to "get me"/understand me...that part of the personal interaction "SL Magic" is lonnnnnng gone 4 me, personally.

While it is not uncommon nor unusual, I never could connect that way, at least not as much as on usenet, where I know a lot of the people on the net in RL (unlike here). Rode with them, drank with them, occasionally fought with them. Someone stopping by in a couple of weeks, etc.

I enjoy places like the old SL Welsh Falls (which seems to have bloated a bit rather than gotten better), but it isn't the same as sitting on the dock drinking a Piraat and talking with my wife, watching real boats and smelling the spray. So, no, SL will never approximate the enjoyment or rapture possible in RL. A real forest, the real Grand Canyon, Chiang Mai, anything similar, transcend SL for me.

As to why things happen quicker - I'm social and all, but RL is 50 hours of work each week, spending time with my family and maybe three major social events a week. In between, lots of driving and slow time. SL, you can TP looking for people and there are group IMs all the time, so even when you aren't doing a thing, you seem surrounded by happenings. Still, coffee hour at church is still far more real than anything in SL - all together.

Short answer (unusual for me) - yes.

But I have experienced much the same on IRC.

I've found SL to be an extension of RL in so many ways that it's plainly obvious that it would reflect the same emotions found in everyday life. As others have already written, it is an extremely immersive environment both visually and personally. It's stimulating so such a large degree as to be overwhelming at times. I have found myself to be awestruck by the artistry of the content creators (such as when the NPIRL Garden of Earthly Delights was running), delighted by inworld musical finds, taken classes on subjects which interested me (something I didn't know existed when I first arrived here), and shopped my ass off which I would never do in RL.

However, it's the people I've encountered and become friendly with that have given me the moments pleasure, delight, love and yes, heartbreak, confusion and painful decisons at times. I've experiened an entire range of emotions in the nearly 1 year since being here. This was something I didn't expect, was shocking and surprising to me; that I would get so deeply involved with people here. I came here just to "hang out", explore a world of illusion/fantasy or something like that, or so I thought. Turned out to be the exact opposite. I'm so pleased the way my life here has developed because my RL has been enriched substantially as a result of my friendships inworld.

Most particularly, it's the people of the Cartel, who I give the most credit to. All of my closest friends orginated from this group, with a few exceptions. Truly, I think we have an amazing gathering of people here, one in which we might bicker occassionally, have a fit or two and some drama now and then but damn it, we sure do know how to come together when we need to, and I've had it happen for me first hand a couple of times.

/Me loves all of you (although some more than others )

I'm not sure why, but there was an old saying on IRC that 1 month on IRC = 1 year RL.

So let's see...I've been partnered in SL 1 year which would be (calculates), 12 years!!!

Since we are all human beings, we will respond and react according to our emotional makeup. While SL is a self contained world for me, I try to interact with people here the same way as in RL, both positively and negatively.

QFT!

Awhile back, I was having nostalgic memory moments of my 7 years in EQ. For fun and something a bit different than our usual SL interactions, I suggested to my Partner that we participate in the "Welcome Back" promo EQ was doing to entice former players back into the game.

I watched in amazement and dismay as my gentle, gentlemanly, compassionate, loving, patient (hey, he partnered a redhead...now that's BRAVE) Partner went into a "Must kill Orcs" tank frenzy, often forgetting it's not a good idea to leave your healer behind.

Yeah, I'm not going to do that again.

Another QFT!

When I encounter the above, I don the great "Muting the World" oufit FD made for me and move on.

As an introvert, my experience is that spending time with people in RL sucks the energy right out of me. I have been a loner all my life, and avoid social setting because just getting up and leave when I've "had enough" of people, would raise a few eyebrows. Not to mention comments like "Oh are you leaving? Why? Everything ok?" etc. *shudder*

In SL I can hang out with a group and at any given moment say I have to leave - no questions asked. I can find people i'm comfortable around a lot faster than the tedious ways of getting to know people in RL.

As for the emotional ups and downs, I've had more ups than downs. "Downs" is usually connected to drama from what I've read. I guess a lot of SL-drama comes from the fact that we communicate (mostly) in written form. You read the words, and will - based on own emotions - imagine what manner it would have been said in. Well, personally I tend to neither add emotions to other people's words nor mine. I read what is written and respond to that, not worrying about "what did they mean" or "why did they say that" and so on and so forth. I suspect I miss out on a lot of potential drama due to this. But, it also means I'm pretty clueless if someone was offended by whatever I said.. (Apparantly pointing out that someone is looking like a nucular disaster due to face lights is a nono. I have learned this now.)

As for the ups, I did meet someone special in SL and it has definitely made my SLife a lot brighter (even sans face lights) - something that carries into my RL.

(Just skimmed through my own post and am not sure if it made any sense, but what the heck. )

It's always nice to see one of these "wow, how about that SL, huh?" posts from a relative newcomer, Derek. They bring back the way I felt about the place when I first discovered it. Come to think about it, mostly I still do.

It IS immersive, and can be overwhelming.

The environment has something to do with it, but as others have said, what it's really about is the people. I've met some wonderful friends here...many more than I have in RL.

One note of caution: Most of the people you'll meet are friendly, helpful, and honest (although they may not tell you much about their RL. That's OK.) There are a few, though, that find SL's anonymity makes it an ideal place to run financial scams or to play sneaky mind games. Guard your purse and your heart.

And ignore our small population of forum trolls. They do get underfoot, but they're (mostly) harmless.

/me shakes an admonishing finger at Pep.
How did you get out of your cage, you naughty thing? Get back in there...it's almost snack time, and you wouldn't want to miss your treats! That's a gooood troll.

Me think sumbodies forgots dems medications ... (sowwy - couldn'ts hep it - somebodies too into demselbs and fink dey opinion oberrides udders for sum weason ...)

*Goes back into troll mode*

In FL, distance is measured in meters. But in SL, all distances are one teleport jump at most.

Compress space, and time will get compressed as well.

Right on. I never think about it, but I'm no different. I'd much rather spend my time alone than with more than a couple of people at a time. ... I socialize in SL a heck of a lot, though. I have no idea why I'm so much more social in SL than in RL. It's a whole lot easier for me to mingle on the grid than it is for me to do so otherwise.

SL is usually an intense experience. I suppose it's emotional too. I'm a free-spirited, unattached sort, so I haven't had any deep SL releationships but I do feel warmth towards my regular acquaintances.

In a way I think this is true. The RL stuff that syncopates a RL relationship is absent in SL: no need to work, to take care of the kids, to run errands, etc. Of course you are doing all of that in RL, but when you are in SL, you are fully available in SL without any of those impediments there. So that really greases things along. Added to that is the strange reality that many people seem to have an easier time opening up to other people in an anonymous, non-physical setting than they would in person -- anonymity for many appears to breed an easy intimacy.



This is certainly what I think as well. The number of people in SL who are really "open" to having a real relationship with someone in SL (and confined to SL, mind you, rather than using SL as a kind of pixellated 3D e-Harmony) is tiny. There are, by contrast, many people who are looking to have fun, and do things they couldn't do in RL in ways that they can't do in RL without consequences -- and often this involves keeping the strings, as it were, to a minimum -- after all, the line of thinking goes, why do "strings" in a world where the consequences of not doing "strings" are lessened -- i.e., isn't part of the point to SL being able to be as free and responsibility-free as possible? This is, of course, all fine -- the trouble happens when one of these people has a relationship, of sorts, with someone who views their SL experiences differently, and that can lead to pain.



Quite succinctly, this is the best way to describe the experience of being an introvert. I honestly do not think that extroverts will ever "get" us, and that many of them will think that there is "something wrong" (with them, with us, with the situation, etc.), when we simply need our alone time in large, regular doses. I think the experience of the world as an introvert is fundamentally different from that of an extrovert, such that it's really just very hard to relate across that divide in a way that truly begets understanding.

As for the OP ... yes of course you can fall in love in SL. Just be very damned careful with whom you do, because as easy and fast as it may be to fall in love with someone, it's equally easy to crash and burn (and fast too sometimes), and the feelings of the crashing and burning can be just as real and painful as the feelings of falling in love are vivid and sweet. It pays to be skeptical of people a bit, and to be careful, at least in the early going, and resist that "speed" factor that is all so easy to give into in the context of SL.