Long drama thread. Enter at you own risk.

Need to vent a sec. Trying to think and i may need advice. I usually findthat just laying it all out to a friend and my options become more aparent to me. I hope that is the case here. I will try to keep this as short as possible, but it will ramble on.

Pick one of the recent threads on relationships and you will probably see a post of mine regarding my relationship with an ex-partner. If you want more information than those threads provide, see me in wolrd. We were happy. I loved being married to her. I had my reasons at the time, but I am the one that broke it off initially. I have no delusions that I am an innocent victim. My sin was wrath. I was hurt so I made her hurt as well.

I cooled down and re-thought what I wanted and what I had. I went to apologize and ask for her to take me back; but ... she already had another. Let's just say I did not have savoir faire on that encounter. I broke it off. I'm the one that left. She had every right to find comfort somewhere else. Knowing this does not help at all.

A couple of weeks go by. She sends me a message through a friend because she is afraid I have her on mute. I don't, and I still don't but that's beside the point. She wanted to meet and explain her actions. I wrote her a letter, a formal apology for my anger (both times) and ask to met her in person.

We went to a garden we once visited. Neutral ground, sort of. We made great progress in rebuilding our friendship. When a couple of visitors came to the garden she asked if I would jion her somewhere else and of course I said yes.

She tp'ed out and a short time later sent me the tp. I was stunned when I got there. It was her bedroom. Yes, I know, I should have said "no". But we did.

The next morning I talk to her in IM. Things are going fast, we need to slow down. Rebuil trust on both sides. We both agreed. We planned a date for that night. Then that afternoon (yesterday) suddenly I get a tell saying I'm on mute, my friends are on mute, never try to contact her again. Then I started getting messages from our friends asking me what happened to her. She sent similar IM's to just about everyone we knew in common including the person she was in bed with the first time I tryed to reconcile. It is pretty apparent that for what ever reason the girl I knew before is no more.

So here I am. I would not go climb in bed with some random person just ease my tension. Yes, I want to but it would not be fair to the person I was with, nor would it really ease my heartache. It does not work ing RL so why would it work in SL? Been there, done that, this ain't my first rodeo. I do enjoy the boytoy title tho It's my license to flirt with any woman that comes to the hangout and several more that do not. No relationship drama, plenty of attention and more women to lavish my attention on. What man could ask for more?

Every attempt to reconcile seems to reset the counter on post-relationship grieving. You would think I would be familiar with this feeling by now. Our SLife was wonderful while we were together, but I wonder if the cost of that happiness is to high. I am having fun as a boytoy, I just don't know if it is my calling or just a crutch.

I realize that this is nothing that ain't been said before, and may very well be unhelpful in the extreme, but... sounds like to me you've just been through a bit of a roller coaster ride and need some time to get grounded and find out what you want. I'd say... don't rush yourself, give it time, that's the most important thing right now.

My two cents. ^^

/me blinks away tears and cradles Yosef in her arms, rocking him lightly. She ....

*cough* sorry. send me an IM.

------

Seriously, Yosef, I agree, give yourself some time. I think everyone knows no boytoy is forever, and you clearly are someone who needs deep connection. I wouldn't jump into another one of those immediately, and I also wouldn't feel obligated to play around with everyone (or indeed, anyone) unless you feel like it.

.

Yosef, darling, darling Yosef!

I know this is one sided as I have only heard your part of the story, but your ex IS A FRIGGIN NUTCASE! She cheats, then agrees to reconcile the relationship, you have a a hot steamy night and she puts you on mute the following day.

Sounds like too much drama.
I am sure you care for her, could it be that she has RL confliction with this?
Hmmmmm, inquiring minds want to know.

Why not just enjoy yourself and see what happens? Be a boy toy, flirt, marry, enjoy yourself and be happy.

I understand where you are coming from as I have also had drama with my partner, but he aint crazy.

Becareful!

Sorry to say, Time to move on. Time for you to use the Mute and stop all contact.
Heal yourself first and have some fun being a boy toy. Personally I find that Pool Boys have more fun There are a lot of great ladies out there but wait until you are ready.

Once you can bring yourself to do it, drown your sorrows in the flesh of beautiful women. Many beautiful women. When you get to the point you can't remember any longer just what you did with whom, including Ms. Ex, you'll be well on the road to recovery.

But don't lead anyone on; this is enough drama already.

Come on ladies, apply that therapy. After all, what are boytoys for?

Sorry to hear you going through this. I have had similar experiences in my RL relationships and it is no fun being someone's yoyo. Time to cut the string........and be done. There are some great people out there but until you meet them, have some fun doing your own thing in your own way! I hope things get better for you darlin!

- Storm

Sorry to read about all that Yosef, it sounds like that situation has grown into just an enormous headache for you.

Personally, I feel you just need to cut your losses and move on. It's never easy, but it's obvious that trying to rebuild what might have been there will only lead to further frustrations. The one thing about this world is there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just hang out, have some fun, and something else will come your way.

You break off twice with her and then you want everything to be fine. She showed you what you gave up and then blocked you. Revenge is not my thing but I understand where she is coming from. Hopefully you have learned something and will not let your wrath control you in the future

There are two ways I can reply;

The first is as a sensitive caring human being. I can relate to what you are going thru and I know it's not easy. I have to agree with the previous replies. Take your time, avoid the drama and the hurt. Look back on the pleasant memories of that past relationship, and go on with your life.

The second way I can reply is as a typical male dirty old man. Give up the Boy Toy gig? Are you kidding me? You are living the dream dude, lovely sweet ladies falling and fawning all over you. Ride that horse until it just drops dead.

Now is an EXCELLENT time to learn to build or something else. Seriously.

Platonically speaking, if you need someone with no agenda to hang out with let me know. I am suddenly with plenty of SL time on my hands, my partner got a new job (which I am delighted about for him, but it means we'll not get as much time together, this was expected but what I didn't expect was that the rest of SL is somewhat meh without him around - well I *have* been here two years!) so my drama avoidance mechanism is kicking in ... build build build!

I am about to acquire a meagre plot (probably a 512 somewhere) and make myself a little sky haven Japanese temple place ... for a little ceremony coming up soon. You are welcome to join me.

***edit*** oh yeah ... enjoy being single now. It won't last, probably. I still look at myself and think "Hey! Wasn't I meant to be living the single chick with the love pad fantasy? What happened? Oh yeah *I* remember, that little house on the beach? I let him come there one day and I was doomed from then on!"

Wouldn't change a thing (well maybe my time zone ).

I'm so sorry that you are going through this Yosef. I'm having a bit of the same right now, and no doubt about it, this hurts greatly.

I'm trying to keep busy, and maybe I'll come hang out at the forum cartel some this week. I'd say to you that the boytoy thing is fun, and laughter does help. Hope to see you at the hangout.

I agree about cutting your losses and moving on, but dont go out and 'hunt down' a new love. When it is right, it will come to you. Let it seek you out and find you at the right time (which doesnt seem to be right now). Enjoy being a boytoy until you feel its not a place you need to be because of feelings you have for someone even.

I always thought that when someone was seeking love they didnt actually find a deep and meaningful love as much as they found the idea of love. Not always, mind you. I'm just one of those people that feel love will find you, and when you least expect it. Sneaky lil thing huh?

Move on? Oh yes. There is no getting back with her. That ship has sailed for the last time.

lol Tex.

Every time I read these kinds of posts, I know that Buckcherry was right.

But seriously, something else is afoot, probably gossip. Even so, if she is unwilling to discuss it with you instead of other people, then forget about it and move on. Good relationships are about trust and communication, and you can't get the first if you don't do the latter. Sex without both is just sport f**kin'.

Mamma' always told me, you gotta' shop around...

Love does exist, but it can not be rushed. You don't choose who you love...love chooses for you. It is sad but true that many people will never find their true love. Why? No one knows.

The best thing to do is have fun in life, be yourself, and love yourself--the rest will fall into place if it's meant to be.

The boytoy tag sounds like Junior High School stuff to me, as is sharing private romance stories on a public forum. Share affairs of the heart with friends who know you, not the masses.

Hey, you asked for opinions...

Yosef

She is an unstable bunny-boiler mate.

Quit her, its tough but you will find a much nicer woman in SL - there are thousands of attractive, very attractive and out-of this world gorgeous girls with much, much better personalities, consideration and nawty sides than you can dream of.
(Some are in this conference too)

I had a similar situation - but she was a sicky (RL) and so her abhorent demands and behaviour were based from reality - I just had to resort to being away and busy till she dropped me. I didn't have the heart to dump her; but the abusive behaviour was very upsetting.
That way she did not hassle me further or stalk me - yes she did hire a private detective to check on me at one pont!

The private dick freaked out one paronoid girlfriend, yes she knows its her I'm talking about.
She thought she would be trailed in RL too.

But I met another woman whom I married at her request (no - I did the one-kneee thing too, never ask unless you know the answer first) and we have been extremely happy ever since. 8 months now.

Weirdly we started on the same day 4,000 miles apart!

Let this woman fade from your mind, get away, meet new people, dance with signoritas who can sway, pay them some compliments (flowers work, even in SL), write her a love poem (they melt) and chill out a bit. The pain will subside.
I know for a fact.

Personally I found solace at Phats by acting as a formal dance partner, a nice smart suit does wonders and I love the big dresses and flirting. I have met so many decent women -who are still friends- by simply acting as a gentleman and offerring a lady a friend she could rely on.
Just hang around the bar and offer a lady a dance.

Sure fire recipe for friendship and love.


Note the way girls turned into women, then ladies thru that tale -thats the way it happened........

Message to Bianca - I love you honey.

/me chuckles to himself as his smile grows into a beaming grin.
I was never much into the whole "teen" thing. Even as a kid I prefferd women. More curves and the expirence to know how to use them. But if this is Junior high, then I must have been doing something wrong. I just don't remember this many women being around me back then.

Thanks for the advise, Ray. Maybe I should get a school boy uniform ... nah, why mess with a good thing.

I wanted to be into women when I was a teenager, but no one with curves wanted to school me. Luckily Florida State had a 3 to 1 girl to guy ratio so I made up for lost time.

I have been told good men in SL are hard to find and you got a lot of women's attention with your "compassionate Dom" post the other day, so I would not worry about your SL love life too much.

Yosef

She is an unstable bunny-boiler mate.

Quit her, its tough but you will find a much nicer woman in SL - there are thousands of attractive, very attractive and out-of this world gorgeous girls with much, much better personalities, consideration and nawty sides than you can dream of.
(Some are in this conference too)

I had a similar situation - but she was a sicky (RL) and so her abhorent demands and behaviour were based from reality - I just had to resort to being away and busy till she dropped me. I didn't have the heart to dump her; but the abusive behaviour was very upsetting.
That way she did not hassle me further or stalk me - yes she did hire a private detective to check on me at one pont!

The private dick freaked out one paronoid girlfriend, yes she knows its her I'm talking about.
She thought she would be trailed in RL too.

But I met another woman whom I married at her request (no - I did the one-kneee thing too, never ask unless you know the answer first) and we have been extremely happy ever since. 8 months now.

Weirdly we started on the same day 4,000 miles apart!

Let this woman fade from your mind, get away, meet new people, dance with signoritas who can sway, pay them some compliments (flowers work, even in SL), write her a love poem (they melt) and chill out a bit. The pain will subside.
I know for a fact.

Personally I found solace at Phats by acting as a formal dance partner, a nice smart suit does wonders and I love the big dresses and flirting. I have met so many decent women -who are still friends- by simply acting as a gentleman and offerring a lady a friend she could rely on.
Just hang around the bar and offer a lady a dance.

Sure fire recipe for friendship and love.


Note the way girls turned into women, then ladies thru that tale -thats the way it happened........

Message to Bianca - I love you honey.

Sorry this happened to you. Personally,I don't do drama. Period. If someone gets mad at me and isn't grown up enough to tell me why,then they can just keep walking. I have no time or patience for stupid games. Don't let her rent space in your head Yosef. Have fun being a boytoy.

I don't personally know either of the parties concerned, so this is more of a general observation. There are many, many emotionally unhinged people playing SL. (Trust me -- I think I've singlehandedly found most of them already, lol.) Just as they manage to screw up their RL relationships, they can't even pull off a good SL relationship where everbody starts with a clean slate.

That being said, there are also many loving, caring, funny, intelligent, and most importantly, BALANCED people who are here too. It just takes time to weed through the damaged goods until you find a keeper. Good luck on your search!

Did you need to boil the bunny twice?