Can SL make one more emotionally vulnerable?

I'm not much of a socializer in SL.....I tend to wander and do my own thing and get involved in creative photo projects. Occasionally I'll go to a theme party (if time allows) and plan out an elaborate costume that I 'hope' will win.

I get dissappointed sometimes....but that's as far as it goes. I tend to be detached....so if anything, SL magnifies that part of my personality. Rather then giving me a way to be sociable (I can be such a hermit).....it has really only given me yet another way to withdraw and be my loner self.

So....my instincts are that SL in and of itself cannot MAKE us anything that we are not predispositioned for already. It may indeed bring out elements of our personality that we keep more guarded IRL......but we are who we are....SL or RL. I can empathyze with your post.....as this was something you were looking forward to, and you got chaeted in a way. But.....the thing about SL is that we can easily get side tracked when involved with too many people. IRL....it's a bit easier to focus on one event. It's easy say, if you're on your way out the door to a much anticipated gathering of friends......to not answer the phone when it rings.....or tell your troubled friend who calls as your walking out......that you love her and care very much but you're about to head out and you'll call her later for sure.

In SL......we can perhaps feel a little more obligated to answer an IM......and it's not so easy to hide.....or say your busy.....I am the same way in that if someone needs help in SL....I'll drop everything to do what I can. On the other hand..... it's only easy to do that because there really isn't ANYthing going on in SL that is soooooo important to me, that I can't put it off or skip it, to help someone out. IRL.....priorities are more clealry defined....and people will be a lot more understanding when we have to say "no, I'm sorry I don't have time right this minute".

Yes, thanks for that! I hadn't thought! I would have felt the same -- maybe more so, since it would have been more an effort in real life.



I'm not disagreeing with you, Alvaro, but Pep hit something right on the head, at least for me, that I hadn't considered. What happened when that girl popped up needing help was very much like what happened last night in RL:

I had just logged in to SL, was looking forward to a half hour there, when my daughter walked in, saying, "Mom, will you watch this TV show with me?" I wrestled with myself for a minute, but in the end I had to say, "Yes, give me a minute to log out."

Sometimes I *have* said, "Emma, give this time, will you?" but each time is different.

I love spending time with my daughter, and I spend a lot of time with her, but this time I really didn't want to. I just didn't. But I did it anyway.

It was the same on Saturday night. I literally walked out of the door of my SL house and ran into this girl who was looking for me. And my inner response was, "Oh, jesus, not NOW."

@ Oryx... the other day someone said to me- "wow you are sooo old!" Lol- yeah wow they would faint if the met any real old ones.

@ Oryx and Amara: I still feel like a noob. There's so much I don't know and haven't seen in SL.

I do not.

I have been very blessed.

Then I am not going to criticise you for disagreeing with me, but I *will* say that the OP's words (especially those about being annoyed with her daughter for wanting her attention and company) strike a very resonant chord with me, and it is probably something that only a parent would understand.

Pep (It hurts knowing that you have made an unspoken promise to someone for the rest of your real life - and it is *your* life that ends up coming second to that commitment)

It certainly can, Key.

It often happens early on, because in SL, it feels like there's a pressure to live beyond what you do in real life. I can handle being a little shy in real life, but to manage it in a virtual world too, which was supposed to offer "my imagination" - that hurts. On top of that, there also at first glance seems to be less excuses, with the ability to choose how you look and similar thing.

When you get more used to SL you realise that neither of these are true, though, and so while SL can affect you this way, take heart that it's only temporary.

My only quibble with PEP's original assertion are his notions that her emotions were "pent up".

I see that as a negative view.

Human beings are (can be) endless sources of emotion, love and compassion. It doesn't matter how many outlets we have for these feelings. If we are given enough reason to invest ourselves, then there's always love to give.

Time on the other hand is a finite resource. It's understandable when we tell even those we love that we don't have time for them, or when we feel frustration over the many pulls of our time. But i didn't see the OP as a problem of time. Interruptions may have prevented her from getting to the party in a timely manner, but the crux of the matter was the loneliness she felt at finding nobody at the party or later at the clubs she visited.

This in my mind shows how successful sl is at creating an environment that we can becomes invested in, that opens the floodgates of emotion and connection that normally we've only experienced in rl.

Why did the pain of loneliness feel so sharp?

Why did a flirtation I engaged in early in my sl experience feel so exciting?

Because while we may intellectualize that sl is merely pixels and not worthy of our feelings, but we are just kidding ourselves. Humans crave connectivity and sl gives us one more outlet for these emotions.

So are the emotions "pent up" or are humans just capable of boundless love and seek to spread this feeling through every corner of their being?

I prefer the second view.

For once, I so agree with you Pep

Edited to add: I have found that in a lot of ways, SL has put me more in touch with a lot of my emotions. IRL, there is so much outside stimulus that distract from the core emotions of a situation. In SL, there is often very little interruption when you are dealing with someone or something. Plus, you have time to stew while you wait for your next opp to log in.
I have found that I cry a little more but it is because no one has to know and no one can see my ugly red running nose LOL. Plus, it is such a release - I would much rather cry because someone in SL hurt my feelings than cry over something really big IRL.
But I totally agree with Pep, SL is an outlet - social, emotional, and mental!

Just my hurried 2c

Kate

I like being alone a lot of the time so this does not really affect me much. There are times when I want to be sociable and times when I don't. When it happens that I expected to be with others and it turns out that I end up alone I tend to just go back to doing my solo activities.
I guess I am just a bit different to most in that my primary reason for being in SL is not to socialise. That does not mean I don't or that I don't want to - it just means that it is not the be all and end all for me.

I pretty much concur with this.

SL doesn't make me particularly emotional, but I think for you, maybe it's because you missed something you were looking forward to. You prepared for it, made an effort and then couldn't attend. There will be more parties, you will still go to the ball

Holy shit -- leave it to a guy to be able to put in to words what I have been trying to explain to myself for months now.

Thanks - that really does hit the nail on the head, for me at least.

Damn! I'm busted. You have worked out that I am really a female haven't you . . .

Pep (thinks maybe he should take a sympathetic view of these emotional issues more often if it's going to impress the chicks)

You aren't 'whimpering'. That is a 'meow' loud and clear. Seems like you are just saying 'hi' in group chat when you do that. It's cute.

OMG if YOU feel that way, even sometimes, I might as well hang up my pixels and my knee high turquoise patent leather stilletos and not even try. You are GORGEOUS!

Just think about how you helped someone that feeling should make you proud.

As far as missing the party, there will be others... And you know you are right the clubs are all empty at 4am ..... ; ) Well, there are strip clubs...

It would be a bummer to miss a party you had planned on and just like rl, you want to show off your outfit and chat and having that taken away... well.. it sucks...

Hugs to you!

I am not on at 4am but I am at say 1am or so (est) and there is never a lot of anything going on then.......

60% of the time I spend on SL I am alone building......

But I go to a lot of live music shows and don't usually chat to much.... As a matter of fact I usually park myself dancing and go into photoshop or try to make a ugly sculpty (they all seem to turn out that way)

Perhaps yu put to much pressure on yourself to be a social butterfly.... ?

I really do not do well in large gatherings in rl or on sl... and my rl is very private to me and I do not generally want to share, people still kinda freak me out... But I am an excellent listener..

Emotionally, sometimes when I want to chat I end up making a stupid typo or saying something that just sounds wrong.. I get embarised and just shut up.. But it bumes me out no one wants to talk to me sometimes.... Other times (most) it doesn't bother me at all...

I am not a overly social person in rl and I am of the type who can not be something other than what I am so it is hard for me to play at being a social diva... This is why I suppose I do not roleplay.