Pressuring for First Life not in terms?

Well one thing I've learnt over the years is, later many women I was interested in would ask "why didn't you ask me out again, I was just playing hard to get?" I take a "no" to mean "no" not "maybe" so I leave the ball in their court but of course it seems impossible for a woman to actually ask a guy out.
So maybe the second go was just to be sure you weren't just playing hard to get.
And as far as dropping you like a stone after a firm no, well I guess that could be taken as a sign that you don't think they are worth knowing that well. When you are single and on the hunt, you are looking for a partner, not more friends.

Ephraim Kappler roars laughing: my sentiments exactly.

The one and only experiment I had with with voice was way back in my first month, when a woman I bumped into insisted on trying it. I insisted on sticking to my keyboard but I was quite happy to activate voice so she could demonstrate the sound quality at least. I spent the next half hour listening to her snaffle a plate of spaghetti for supper while her dog yapped at her heels and some old guy wandered around in the background grumbling.

Never, ever again.

LOL Ephraim!

Well, I have been stalked before many moons ago and I have no desire for it to happen again. I've learned long ago that people put things into their heads and then try to reshape the world to accommodate them. It's scary when they build something up about you from nothing other than a general politeness, but it happens all the time.

Being in a big city I can give it away and I remain blissfully unlisted so even breaking my last name would get nobody anywhere if I were to succeed (riiight) in my artistic pursuits.

As for people who snub rolers for not using a mike: If they think I'm on an agenda, they should realize I think the same about them. If you can't take me for the hologram I am then what are you doing in a virtual world for? You're here for an escape right? Well so am I.

Last but not least, the first life tab. Is there any possibility that this has gotten more active from the people trying to bring their businesses into SL after hearing one too many news items or seeing one too many books at Barnes & Noble about getting rich here?

Anywho back to the topic. No they havent tried anything since. In fact they've avoided me and I dont have to take any measures. It's just become apparent with recent activity and it's a real shame.

There are many, many reasons for me to keep my RL out of SL. One of which is the stalker aspect. I find that more and more feel they need to know about my RL in order to develop any for of "real" connection with me on SL. Sad. If you want to meet people, go to a chat room or dating site....

I think that a big part of the issue lies just there. There are layers to revealing oneself that any given individual is prepared to allow on the internet but it is my belief that virtual environments not only invite but require us to keep RL at a distance in order for us to juice the experience for all that it's worth.

Unfortunately, a great many have yet to cotton-on to this plain fact of virtual life.


Like a great many features of SL, I don't believe there is any requirement to actually use it beyond the fact that it is there. I can understand that some folk enjoy the feature as a means to share a little of their real selves and thereby enhance potential for connection or to use the details in another av's tab as a linchpin for improving intercourse but that is their choice. If the first life tab remains empty then it should be understood that the individual in question is not interested in sharing that sort of information and that he or she should not be obliged to do so.

You've gotten very good advice already, and I'm sure you're feeling more comfortable with the decision you made. Trusting your instincts is important. I think your inner voice serves you much better than you think it can at times.

I've had instances of people pressuring me in friendships which made me very uncomfortable. One person in particular was very aggressive with their desire to be my friend, and it ended with me basically having to ignore her - I didn't want to outright ban her or anything because I know she meant well, it was just too much for me to handle, too fast. And as Rioko mentioned, a few men who really pushed boundaries quickly and had to be dealt with - those were banned from my land for instance, just in case.

But in general, I've been lucky. For one thing, I met my BF here. There was a bit of pressure to meet him, however, between us getting to know each other inworld and via chat out-of-world, we also were speaking on the phone prior to meeting and I had the luxury of being able to read about 5 years worth of his personal blogs. There wasn't a single thing I didn't know about him, maybe even some things that would have been better off not knowing for a while So, by the time the subject came up about meeting in RL, I was pretty damn sure he was who he was and could feel safe with him.

I've also met up with one of my female friends, the other month while she was nearby my town visiting relatives. That was fantastic! There are two other friends I've been trying to meet with, but haven't yet managed to find the time. One, was a near dinner when I went to p/u my boyfriend to move him from his old home to mine, since she lived so close by him. The other, was on a layover on vacation and was supposed to call when she got into town, but if I remember correctly the weather fouled things up with her flights.

There are a few others, that I'd be happy to meet if it came to pass that I was in their area or they mentioned they would be in mine. I have no problem with this for particular people, mainly from the Neverending Thread for instance. Most of us have gotten to know each other pretty well and I think we're pretty sure none of us are stalker material.

SL and RL merging isn't such an issue for me. I don't make a habit of it, am choosy about it, but relish it when it feels right.

It is important to remember that in this case and in all of SL, you are in control of what you want to do and who you do it with. The TP/ignore/log off feature is the best safety valve when someone exterts undue pressure. People seem to have an aversion to standing up for themselves in world, when in a similar RL situation they would never tolerate it. Don't allow yourself to be a victim nor let someone else dictate how you are to use SL.

Good point Brenda. I do find myself unable to respond in the same way I would in RL sometimes. Once I was friends inworld with some guy who was just such a jerk. And for some reason,I just put up with it.laughing it off. I would never put up with someone like that in my real life and would have probably knocked them out. Finally,I did end up telling him to eff off. But I wonder what took me so long...

I'm not saying you have to thrash everyone who does something stupid, part of SL is being able to do stupid stuff and we shouldn't take it too seriously. But when someone causes you angst that impedes your enjoyment of the game, then I think they should be dealt with, swiftly and severely.

+1

You did the right thing, Holo. Anyone who places that much pressure on you to "meet in RL" is not someone you want to be friends with. Someone like that is very dangerous in my book, and the last thing you, or anyone else, needs is some psycho stalking you and making your RL miserable.

Argh, how frustrating, Holocluck!

But, as others have counseled, I'd just move along and if the person persisted, I guess I'd mute/ban him/her. I don't think there's any need for additional regulation; if the person gets out of hand...AR him/her.

SL was my first experience with online worlds. Before I started, I was advised by my closest friend about the rules of the road, one of which was "don't divulge any information you don't want to." I figured that pretty much covered any eventuality.

For a while, I was startled that the first two questions I'd always get were "where are you from?" and "how old are you?"; I could never figure out why they weren't more interested in why I was at that particular event, or did I like the music we were listening to, or something more germane to the situation at hand.

However, I realize that people are in SL for a variety of reasons, and some residents consider SL to be another online dating service. Your world, your imagination!! But just because that's how they perceive SL, doesn't mean I have to share their perception.

You need to come up with answers like this:

How old are you?

Either 20,000 years, 7 years, 35 years, or 148 years, depending on whether you count universe time, the age of this instance of me, the age of my oldest subunit, or the age of my contiguous memories.

Where are you from?

A little planet in the Slow Zone, I was a (historian/prophet) on a Tine (species) longshot trading mission from the Slow Zone to the top of the Beyond. I think we were hijacked by a Power (technical term in applied theology), at least my contiguous memories are consistent with that, but of course a Power could (write/compile) a sapient as simple as me from first principles, so I may be an Orphan (technical term in applied theology).

Too much typing. I just say I'm old enough to know better than to tell you where I live.

LOL!

heheh

Well if you're of age to be in SL then that works for me usually. Usually.

Location can be twofold. I think we can all agree that an A/S/L asking A/S/L in a Welcome Area sends up red flags and we'd all give answers like Mars (or in my case Jupiter). Under other circumstances it can be a timezone issue when meeting or collaborating. You're gonna want a general idea. Also in some cases when you live in a big city, it's not so much the location but the cultural aspects that come with the region which people can sometimes relate between eachother. Being able to tell jokes or even get good advice. It would be as intimate as the old chowhound boards, which werent at all. And lest we forget wanting to wish someone in an area endangered by unrest or natural phenomena (like tornado watches) our best in hopes to see them on the other side.

Still, there's plenty of room between all those things and privacy, depending on the thresholds one allows to get good conversation and learn about the cultural ways of others. These are pretty common for most people without expecting more.

I just give them my avatar's stats and move merrily on my way.

Where are you from?
Earth

How old are you?
consult my SL birth date for a precise answer.