Pressuring for First Life not in terms?

There's a lot about respecting privacy and second life experience in the terms, but it only seems to pertain to violating and revealing someone else's.

I believe someone a few months ago was out of line for trying to pressure me to meet them at some singles event. "No thank you" wasnt enough and I had to get "diplomatically firm" about it not being something I am interested in.

This person has no idea of my lifestyle or who or what I am (I'm not really a hologram in first life, I'm loathe to admit) or if someone is watching the monitor with me. All they knew was that I lived maybe 2 miles away. So do a jillion other people on here since I am in a major metropolitan area.

I didnt hear much from them after that, which is a shame. It seemed they didnt respect me as a friend and didnt want anything to do with me in SL when in SL.

I dont see in the terms anything about being badgered into meeting in first life. Like anything nonconsentual in a personal matter, this may be construed as harrassment (I was certainly taken aback by it), particularly when you have one of those "I keep SL and 1st Life apart" type disclaimers in your profile.

So is there protection for those who are in second life to meet people and hang out in second life with them and not be preyed on as an RL prospect?

Just say 'no', Holocluck.
People can't get at your RL unless you allow them to.
Feeling harassed? Mute them. People who continue to "pressure" you aren't friends worth keeping since obviously they want things you aren't willing/able to give and don't respect you enough to accept that.

Mute, de-friend, ban and eject normally suffice for these situations. There are a million other people in SL who would happily spend virtual time with you, and on your (perfectly reasonable) terms.

I have met a few like this in SL. Not that I mind meeting people in RL,but sheesh let me get to know you first. There was this one woman who was just so clingy. She lived about 15 miles from me and would often talk about meeting me for coffee. We were more casual friends(if even that) and she was a friend of a friend.. I knew nothing about this woman. But she was insistent on meeting up,eventually I quietly faded away and deleted her. Met a lot of men like this as well,but ofcourse they want to meet up for more than just coffee...:/

Holo, you did the right thing and handled it well.

the thing is, once they KNOW who you are in RL, things could go south with stalking and other dangerous things. no matter if you are a man or a woman. this not only directly effects you, but also those in your RL you love and care for, and live with.

so if you are not comfy meeting someone in RL and they take it personally, then that is their problem and not yours. too bad you lost touch with someone you enjoyed, but imo that is a red flag and it's probably best anyway.

best.

Ty folks! You know, I'm not averse to meeting people some day, maybe in a SL group or get together if health and money permit. It just wasnt one of those kinds of events

Don't worry, Holocluck. You did everything right. It's sad to lose a friend, but if he is turning into a jerk there it's the better option. Don't feel pressurised to disclose any information you want to keep to yourself.

If he doesn't take no for an answer, mute him and ban from your land. If he is starting to grief you elsewhere in SL, AR him.

This happens; it's happened to me. Different people just have very different expectations of SL, and it's not always immediately apparent to either party how disparate their views may be. It can be tricky to disentangle this confusion without somebody feeling hurt or embarrassed or bitter.

It may seem obvious what is meant by "I keep SL and 1st Life apart," but even that is subject to a different interpretation by someone who perceives SL as an elaborate service for arranging RL hookups.

And I don't think there's anything that can be done about that--or as others have said, "you did everything right." Well, "everything" except that you let it bother you.

This. I don't think we need a ToS rule to cover every possible misbehavior, do we? As others have said if someone tries to exude pressure to give details I feel they don't need, it's simply a case of ignoring and walking away, possibly muting, something I have yet to do myself.

Stand firm Holo and feel no guilt. RL meetings should only occur IF and when both parties wish it and feel comfortable with it.

I have been in SL for two years now and will be having my first RL meeting with a girlfriend late this month.

If weather and such had worked out better, I would have met up with one of the other Cartel ladies for drinks in Mexico last fall, but that one fell thru.

The number of SL people that I would even consider meeting in RL are pretty small and they are all people I know pretty well inworld and/or these forums.

But what we all have to remember is that even if I am okay with some meetings, others might wish no RL/SL cross over at all -- and I am perfectly fine with that.

In a way, it's just like someone in RL you've met trying to get your phone number or some such. Fortunately, in SL we have options such as muting (which surely must be up there with flying on the top ten "I wish I had this in RL" list).

Annoying? Yes. Against ToS? No.

It happens. Some people are just a lot more clingy and pushy then others......

I don't really think LL has any legal control about how pushy some people can be. You just have to steer clear if they make you uncomfortable....mute and ban. Anyone who has ever become demanding with me in SL gets phased out pretty quickly. I simply don't tolerate it and the genuine friends will be revealed with time and consistancy anyway.

There are folks I'd certainly enjoy meeting IRL......but only because I've been in contact with them in SL for well over a year and we've developed a very real repor and trust. But.....it's not something I even remotely go out of my way to make happen. 'IF' the situation presents itself where I have an opportunity to meet someone whom I feel has proved themselves a true and stable friend in SL..... then I might pursue it. Might.

There's probably no way for LL to legally moniter that kind of behavior in SL. Nor, is it really their business. It's up to us as adults to navigate our way through SL relationships and make mature and rational decisions. Not everyone is at the same emotional maturity level so that makes it a mine field at times. But you have to trust your gut.....and move on when you see the red flags.

YOU have a right to YOUR privacy.....and that isn't something up for debate by LL or anyone else.......it's up to YOU to create bounderies and then adhere to them among your peers. Those who really care about you....and value your friendship, are not going to even blink about that.

Agree with all of the above. I live within a few miles of a few people here in the forums (Northern VA) but I have no interest in meeting anyone. SL & RL are strictly separate and the one time I broke this rule, I regretted it.

I have a very full RL (hectic?) with a daughter, dog, friends and work. I do have real friends in SL, some even have my email, but they are still my SL friends. A couple are closer then many RL friends BUT.................... At 51 and a history of health problems for the last 13 years I look nothing like my avatar. I come to SL to escape and would not enjoy it as much is I had a RL picture in my mind to go with a 4' tall pixie for example

Some other examples might be Marianne who I enjoy reading her adventures or when I see her in world and get a chance to talk. It would not be the same if I found out she was really 60. The same goes for Dakota or Immy. And OMG what if I found out Maureen really wasn't beautiful and glamorous in RL like in SL??????

Which is why this hologram doesn't have his "first life" tab full of meatspace details.

Maybe to fend this off share fewer RL specifics to begin with? I know many are comfy saying which city they live in and their employment, but that info along with a unique quote in someone's profile and two (yes, just two) web searches later and I stumbled across someone's RL pictures on their business's website, as well as their home address and phone numbers!

Although I do know of RL successful relationships, I also know of disasters. And it seems a greater number of the later than former... I had done some meetings in my past (just social), and even those always changed things, sadly not for the better. I couldn't imagine the more passionate... Conversely, in online venues meant for such, I usually hear "you are in person just like you were online/emails/phone"...

So although I gladly share what region I'm in, I don't get more specific than that about where, I guess the idea of pressuring for such doesn't occur as much then?

i have this fabulous group of online friends i've been communicating with DAILY for over 12 years now. i have met only one (many years ago now) because she all but insisted, i was new to the internet, and i caved in to the pressure. it was an awkward (to say the least) meeting, and she turned out to be a racist fruit loop in the end: banned from our group because her behavior became outlandish and mean.

i do have a few people from the group i'd still like to meet some day, but that soured me and my common sense prefers the safety of anonymous relationships better because of it. deoesn't bother me one iota to keep my RL private.

Plus how could your RL appearance ever compete with your cat's butthole icon anyways

i know. that's a lot to live up to.

In my first Life, back on some online service way back in the wilds of the mid 1990s, I was a bit more liberal with my RL information. I learned that lesson when I had to deal with a RL stalker goin' by th' house.

One of the appeals, f'r me, of SL is being able to Have almost an encouraged separation, with the ability to remake yourself into any shape, human or non human being of any age, era, or well, whatever. You take on a last name separate from your RL.

Now, many know the general area I live in. Some know more, but they've shown themselves to be trustworthy to me after months or years, or they're friends from long before SL. I intend t' keep it that way.

Agreed. "Keeping SL and RL seperate" doesn't actually spell out for them that your RL and it's details are off limits. I've actually had to, at times, spell out in my profile "no meeting in RL, no phone, no email, no voice, no MSN, etc" right down the list because some people just refuse to get it. I've had people badger me for RL meetings quite a bit. Hell, I've had them completely badger me because I refused to prove that my RL pic on my profile is really me by uploading a ton of private family photos lmao. I'm still here so I guess he didn't AR me for orbitting his ass after that one

I've just returned to SL after over a year away and definitely noticed a greater expectation for RL information than the last time I was here.

SL profiles these days seem to contain a lot more RL information and pictures, and even casual conversations with strangers often seem to culminate in a request for RL information and/or pics.

This is particularly true from people who have opened their RL up in their profiles, often in a "I've shown you mine, now you show me yours" kind of way.

I'm not really an expert in SL trends, but it looks to me as if the wide adoption of voice has wripped the curtain a wee bit and had a big influence in this area.

To be honest none of it really bothers me and, while I don't publish my RL stuff in my profile, if you ask nicely I'll probably tell.

I can see however that it is detrimental for RP communities. I should imagine it's a hard lesson to learn when the big dominant Master you've been subjugating yourself to for the past few months switches on his mic and ends up squeaking at you like Mickey Mouse.

Sometimes it's better to live the lie..

I think some people want to share real details and others don't. Some of the ones who do look upon those who don't as somehow shady for keeping information secret. It's just two different ways of approaching online life, and while neither is right or wrong, no one should feel obligated to do something they don't want to do.

I had a problem in the '90s with a stalker, too, and it made me realize that people can develop entire relationships with you even if you're not involved. I talk openly about my state, and I list it in my profile, but that's it. I'm vague as to where I'm at because of past experience. I have a big red flashing light that goes off whenever someone appears to be too interested in me. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, there's a reason.

Don't offer any information concerning your RL, until you've been around 'em long enough to feel they aren't going to go all ninja-stalker on you? Honestly, this is the only way to handle it, because in SL, people are only going to know what you tell them about yourself.

In my case, I cheerfully give up the state as a freebie. I don't say what part of the state until I'm pretty sure the person isn't going to try to hunt me up as a past time. They don't get the city until I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to come home and find them smiling cheerfully (though a bit creepily) at me, even though I locked my door before I left.

They can have my "name." Well, it's the name I go by, but it's not my given name. It's my nickname, the one I answer to looooong before I'll answer to the name my parents gave me.

And phone numbers? I don't exchange them until I'm reasonably sure that I won't have them calling nearly as often as my mother-in-law... >.<

So, if you ask me A/S/L, not even two minutes into the conversation? 3 (account age)/Not with you/Fushida. Sometimes I substitute Insanity or Confusion as my location... those are states too, right?

As we predicted.