Defeating Online Status Scanners - Possible?

I totally agree with those 9 points. Nicely done.

I wouldn't bother with somebody like that. I'm not here to be somebodies internet plaything.

I'm real dammit!

But yeah, I think some people are more than happy with that sort of friendship. Probably the married folk.

I agree about those points too, and thank you for that.

I know that a lot of this is my own fault. I have failed pretty miserably to set most boundaries. I started out here running from something traumatic and trying to have fun, but I was very reserved. Then I became very outgoing and something of the life of the party. Also very assertive and self sacrificing. I made a ton of "close SL friends" and ended up with far more than my share of suitors, I guess because I was so zany and they really got caught up in the similarities between my RL appearance and my avie's.

But I have had bad experiences online in the past that made me hesitant to take things farther than SL, and that did not sit well with some. I weathered the "why won't you voice" thing which leads automatically to the "yes I did have my own baby myself so I'd be the most poorly equipped guy in the universe" thing. I got through the same ex bf going from vulnerable and timid noob to sexually experimental "guy in the closet" to "BTW I'm really a girl", to "no actually, I was a guy from the start". I went through the "give me naked pics or I'll come to your house and take them myself" from another so-called friend. Then my partner vanishes into an alt whose name I had to find out from someone else. So I left SL for three months (of real time).

But contrary to beliefs that I would be forgotten, it was just the opposite, with at least one saying he won't stay on if I'm not there. After selling or deleting everything, clearing my profile out except for goodbye messages, dumping almost all of my property, and leaving for yet another month, when I came back this time it was to people telling me how they have been thinking constantly about the day they first realized they wanted something deep with me. Like it was RL.

I don't try to lead people on, but maybe I do anyway because I'm so in love with the feeling I get when people are happy to see me and become outwardly happy go lucky. I guess I have learned the hard way that if there is something wrong with your emotional health, SL and it's filtered life is a very seductive drug, but it is never a fix. Someday the emotional demands of the two personalities will run counter, and that's when someone gets hurt - most likely you. And that is exactly what's happened. Real me wants what I came here for originally, which is peace. But the me everyone has gotten to know would rather die than be left alone.

honey, even tough chicks in real life sometimes find it hard to set boundaries and deflect inappropriate behaviors. don't keep kicking yourself about it. learn from this and from now on, follow your instincts even if it is uncomfortable to the other person.... or yourself.

Agreed
Don't ever apologize for wanting your Second Life your way, and for being upfront about it. And don't let anyone pressure or intimidate you to thinking otherwise.

It's not your fault.

Second Life is a different social atmosphere than First Life, operates by different social rules with a different social dynamic. There is no way you are going to jump in and figure it out easily.

It's just a matter of learning by experience.

Hi Brenda

Remember how I was when I first came to the forums last year? Nobody could mess with me then, hehehe. Sass me? Well then it's five across the eyes!!!

Now I'm a pushover. You know, this is my daughter's fault. Breaking my will every night when she wants out of her crib past bedtime and look what's happened!

It would be great if something could detect a status burglar and then next thing you know they touch the edge of the galaxy at about 40 billion meters. Then I could get a status update. Of their face on the way up in a screenshot, muahahahahaha!!!

Be more fun to watch them explode into a million pixels.

I understand some people are just too nice to say no, or leave me alone/am busy/whatever, what I dont understand is why some people bother replying at all when they do not wish to be bothered. Do people seriously think others are so incredibly dense that they cant understand that if no reply comes forth that the other person might be busy/away from the computer/whatever if they do not reply? That everyone in SL are just small children that MUST be catered to right that second less they throw a tantrum like a 2 year old? Its not really fair to assume that imo, of anyone.

There are plenty of times people IM me that I dont feel like talking, talking to THEM/busy/afk/coding/texturing/whatever, - pretty simple really - since I cant/wont say something/nice, I choose to say nothing at all. Problem solved, either they are the type to get the hint I am busy/unavailable to chat (normal sane people) or they become clingy asses prodding me every few minutes, which results in being muted once and for all and good riddance. Problem solved and I have not had to say anything confrontational, rude or anything for that matter.

So IM me all you want, whenever you want, its my choice when, how and or whether I choose to reply or not. Its not like I am a moth drawn to the im window or anything, I wont die if I dont reply...nor will they.

As far as the im's, doesn't setting yourself as "Busy" show up to people trying to im you? I thought I had read that awhile back on another thread.

Well that told 'em!! You get 'em, girl!

You think? Even more fun than knowing the confusion they'll feel when they too receive a screenshot "status update" of their own faces while they send sonic booms all over the sim on the way upward? Face all blurry, with those cartoon speed lines streaking off camera and the script induced facial distortion appearing not unlike the characters in The Ring?

I dunno. That's vewy vewy tempting

I’m not sure if this has been pointed out yet, but if you share the same Group, your online status is visible there, as well as the date you last logged in.
With some 200+ names on my friends list and only able to select 20 names at a time when trying to turn off ppls ability to see me, I’ve pretty much given up trying to go dark.
I either use my alt for privacy or just say “sorry I’m busy”

I did create a JIRA VWR – 7148 requesting the ability to select all names in our Friends List so we can quickly turn on and off our friends view of our online status.

Perhaps not, but most of us probably have experienced it. The person who IM's you, the second you log on, who keeps IMing if you don't answer.

you know you can customize your busy message to say user not online but I guess if they are scanning you and they wont leave you alone isnt it time to mute them? Axe murder them?






STALKER!

awe I would never axe murder you, and I didnt know you were bald?

Ya. And I mean there could be a hundred more concrete reasons why this could or should bother me. But the thing that actually does the most is the feeling that people have taken steps that they know will put me on the spot. Because they know I will feel guilty for not responding, and yet they do it anyways. It's like they never even consider that I might not want to start yakking before the loading bar has vanished off the screen. It happens so fast that I have to look twice at the IM post date to see if it was actually an offline message. Like they had nothing else to do but be checking for me.

Hey, I'm gonna get to work on funding for that "travel cam" I mentioned above. You want I should reserve one of the floor models for you?

<3

There are basically two possible reasons why someone does the "Why aren't you answering me" thing if an IM isn't answered immediate.

1) It's an insecurity response. Someone who is exceptionally insecure makes the most negative possible assumptions about others' behavior toward them, and needs constant reassurances of his or her value or worth, and may become obsessed with receiving such assurances that they can't move on to any other activity until they receive them.

2) It's a controlling mechanism. The idea is that the person IMing feels entitled to your attention, and expects you to cater to their whims. They want you to feel guilty for not immediately responding, and be quicker to respond in the future.

And actually, both of the above are not mutually exclusive.

Whichever is the case, either is bad news.

Even though I'm somewhat sympathetic to the insecure person- I absolutely realize that I'm not always the model of perfect mental and emotional health- I just don't have the time or motivation to involve myself with a chronically insecure person. Such a person needs professional help, or at least some sort of RL help. I'm not a mental health professional, nor do I pretend to be one in Second Life.

And most importantly, I am in Second Life for the one and only purpose of fun. That means I must avoid unfun activities. If I cannot avoid unfun activities, then I must give up Second Life and turn to some other fun activity. Hey, I need to maintain my own mental health.

I'd have to agree that there are just too many controlling, strange, bizarre weird jerks out there to warrant much worrying over. Create an alt for privacy, inform the people who need to know... works just fine. Stressing about your "identity" as the "main"? - I wouldn't bother. You're you - regardless of the avatar you're driving.

Kascha, I get the feeling from your posts that you are feeling troubled and conflicted about something pretty serious and your SL difficulty is just a reflection of your RL troubles. Do you have a trusted friend or relative you can confide in? A minister, priest or rabbi (I think not)? A therapist? If not, I think you should find one. You need to talk to somebody. What's coming through here is a lot more problems are going on than getting IMs you don't want when you log on in SL.

Aiiiiiieee - well, I have fought with a co-dependency problem for years, and of course they just feed on and reinvent themselves with every new situation because subconsciously you tend to seek out situations where you can be the caretaker. Well, just a few months prior to joining SL, my ex fiance in RL ditched me and my then 1 month old daughter because of his family's religious preferences. It did not do my self esteem any favors and I came here with a lot of confidence and commitment issues because I treated him like a God and got trashed. I read about SL in an article somewhere and joined to lose myself and forget what was happening, and also to occupy my mind while at home so much with my little one. New babies don't usually generate thrill-a-minute funrides until 3am

But I made so many friends here and as it turns out, at the same time I was trying to correct my RL issues and not fix, I was sailing in to be there for (fix) my SL friends. I repeated the same cycle again, and I guess my conflict now is where to go from here because I'm trying to force myself to accept that this problem will occur everywhere I go until I realize that the only one I can fix is myself. But it is difficult sometimes to just let go. And of course, the tragic part of the situation is that I end up undermining the independence of others, who then become dependent, leading me to want to shake away from them and feel guilty about it, etc. etc. You see?

So yes, you are exactly right. I know this has been more than what people want to hear on the SL forum and really appreciate everyone's patience, but you should know are right. And I am working with somebody on it, but it still crops up.