Defeating Online Status Scanners - Possible?

I have recently had an ex bf of mine admit to me that the reason he always pops up when I am online is because he has some pair of sunglasses that allow him to circumvent the online status reporting choices that I have made. I guess since I have been here over a year this makes me something of an inattentive ditz, but I honestly don't remember every truly being aware that there were gadgets that allowed this.

There are several other guys who are acquaintances of mine (or were until they misunderstood the word "no" who also seem to be able to IM me within seconds of coming on regardless of my settings. Then I go onto SLX and see item after item that enables this but not one that combats it.

I consider being tracked an extreme violation of privacy. It is rare that I do not communicate with friends when I am online, but when I don't it is because I just need peace. For others to be able to dictate whether I deserve it is unacceptable. Does anyone have any knowledge of tools, gadgets, or scripts that can block these exploits or make them unreliable? I would be willing to pay someone who knew how to do this, because I value my peace of mind and don't like horndogs who go to these lengths to get first crack at "fresh meat".

Thanks in advance for replies

May I ask why you don't simply tell them to leave you alone?

Hi Kascha.

My understanding is that there is not a way to get around those. They are tied into your avatar key somehow from what I have read. There are even ones that track Lindens and show them online regardless of the settings they have on too. If you can track a Linden who normally shows offline then I have very little hope that you can get around tracking a normal resident.

Another thing is groups you are in that are shared by others in your circle can show you online even when you have things set to "hide" from others.

I don't know of any way to get around this. The scripts in question use the llRequestAgentData function in LSL, which returns various information about another player, anywhere in world. It currently does not respect the privacy settings a player puts in.

Your best bet is to set yourself to busy, or use an alt. I can't think of any way to hide your online status.

That's your best bet right there, Kascha. Ask them nicely to stop. If they don't, tell them very clearly that they're being creepy and if they continue to spy on them, you'll report them. edit: came back to edit in that you could just mute them but Oridinal beat me to it..

No, it's very simple to do by script and as far as I am aware there is no way to get around it.

On the other hand I would have thought that the simplest thing would be simply to take advantage of the "mute" button in this instance. After all, the IMs are the irritating part, not the "knowing when you are online".

if it is too bothersome and they don't listen when you request them to stop contacting you or otherwise harassing you. Then file an AR on them.

I see where it maybe these items become like many others and locked or removed due to the abuse of them.

Also be aware that the check boxes on your friend list have a months old bug that allows anyone already online to see you come online even though you have them checked off in your friend list.

In some cases, Mute really is your friend. If they won't leave you alone, mute them.

Really? This I did not know.

http://jira.secondlife.com/browse/VWR-2669

There seems to be some question as to whether this has been fixed or not. Since I ran into it just a few days ago, I would say not.

Thanks everyone for such fast and informative replies.

To the question of why I don't just say leave me alone, I guess things really could be that easy, and were through mid last year. But from the middle of last year I have gone through some issues that have as a side effect made me very non-confrontational and since I do enjoy talking to some of these people and care about their feelings it is hard. I just don't have the energy to explain the "why's" and do the "it's not you it's me" thing all the time, even though it IS me. I would just rather them have no clue I was on. And it isn't just the IMs themselves. It's that later I have to acknowledge and explain not wanting to talk, and if I don't and they know for a fact I was online while they tried to reach me, I will seem deceitful and cold.

I don't know. Half of me thinks I am being arrogant by being so afraid of making other people feel rejected, as if I think I am really important. The other half wonders how in the last 8 months I convinced myself that I have to please everyone whether I'm up to it or not.

I do have to wonder however how LL allows its privacy features to be bypassed by builtin functions they themselves created. Isn't that like being able to defeat NTFS file permissions with a simple 'disregard' type function in VBScript? Don't tell me security at LL is as lax as it is at Micro$oft, please! LOL

At any rate, enough of my whining. Thanks again for all your advice

You can always create an alt.

I'm with you, Kascha. I know some very nice people that use those scanner devices. I've tried dropping a hint that I don't like being tracked like an elephant, but still they carry on using them. They're actually nice people, but they just don't seem to get it.

I don't think it justifies muting them. But it's still bloody annoying.

I just wish these clingy social networking sites would piss off with their Online Nows.

But why should I have to? That's always the stock answer. Why should I have to jump through hoops if I want some privacy? I never understood the need for numerous "I'm online" notifiers in the game. On the website, the friends list, through groups, mapping. Why is it so damn important we know where everyone is at any given time?

I agree she shouldn't have too. It was more of a worse case solution if nothing else worked.

I can see yooou!. I know what you're doooin! ner ner!

if we can't stop it from happening, surely someone can at least create something that lets us track when we are being tracked. you know, sort of a reverse radar dectector for the radar detector.

HEre's how this went for me.

Back when friends all had the ability find your location on the map, I had a friend who was bored a lot. He would map me, and just "drop in" unannounced. When he dropped in on me in the middle of sex, I told him that from now on, he needed to IM me first.

So he'd IM me with "hi", and then map me and drop in on me, whether I responded or not. I didn't notice it until... I was in a cage. And I didn't answer his IM right away, because as I told him at the time, if I didn't reply, it meant I was busy. He showed up in the cage with me.

At this point, I unfriended him. We didn't have the ability to hide on the map back then.

There was an unbeleivable amount of drama from this individual, and eventually I muted him as well..

But the moral of this story is.. it's all about respect.

If you're friends with people, you need to arrange something with them so that they understand that you're not always available for them. Building "online status checkers" is a really wise move in this age of SL faliures. More often than not, the people shown as online in my friendslist are actually offline, and vice versa. So checking the ACTUAL online status of a person is really just intelligent.

However, if you're telling them "soyy I'm busy right now" and they're not respecting that.. if you're telling them to leave you alone and they're not.. Then they're close to earning unfriending.... because that's not how friends show respect.

If you have already unfriended them, and they're "stalking" you, and making you uncomfortable.. Mute them. It won't stp them from knowing that you're online.. but it will stop them from bothering you.

They can still show up in a place where they know to find you.. but at that point, it's time to have a talk with the owner of that land, about getting them banned for harrassing you. Abuse reports at this point are probably warranted as well.

I don't remember dropping in on you having sex?
was I very stoned at the time?

Not you, lol...

Oh one other thing...

Just like ringing phones.. the cool thing about IMs is... you don't HAVE to answer them.

"Sorry, I was in the living room watching a movie, forgot I was on SL."

I think it's BS we'd have to create alts, to be unseen by ppls of our choosing.
We should be given tools and options to ignore, new or that work...

Fixed

Not only do I have and use an online tracker, it also sends it's results to a web page so I can track you even if I am not onlne

I understand the OP's problem, and can sympathize that it isn't just as easy as saying "Leave me alone."

In some cases, it may not be that one just doesn't want anything to do with the ex-boyfriend. One may want to maintain a friendship or even cordial relations. What one doesn't want is to be stalked and have their time dominated by IMins from the ex-boyfriend.

Plus, the unwanted IMs from the ex-boyfriends may be annoying. However, tell them to back off, and then they may get upset and go from annoying to menacing.

Long before I came to Second Life, I've socialized online for many years. It's a problem as old as the internet. This is how I cope.

1) Don't have online boyfriends (or girlfriends, or other committed relationships). Despite best intentions, and in spite of one's best efforts to filter out "bad" from "good," they almost always end badly like this.

2) Try to keep RL and SL as separate as possible. In my experience, the more I reveal about my RL, the more emotionally connected the virtual partner becomes to me. The smallest, most innocuous pieces of RL information seem to trigger such emotional attachment. It's just not worth it.

3) If you want to flirt with people online, make it clear up front that you are not looking for the committed relationship. If you wait until after the person develops an emotional attachment to you, it's too late to avoid your problems like online stalking.

4) When the person you met does something that does not respect whatever boundaries you have set, end your association with that person right then and there. For example, I might meet someone who asks me, "Where do you live?" I'll respond, "East Coast, USA." If asked to be more specific, I'll just politely say that I just don't tell virtual strangers that information. Then if I hear something like, "Well, I hope one day you do trust me to tell me things like that," or something on those lines, that's the end of it. The person doesn't get it. Time for me to leave.

5) It's understandable that you don't want to just tell someone "leave me alone." It's not fun to do something that may hurt someone else's feelings, no matter how justified you are in doing it. Just honestly say, "I don't want to completely sever all association with you, but you need to respect my boundaries and wishes to be left alone sometimes." That's a soft way of putting it. If that doesn't work, then you should feel better about saying, "Leave me alone." If that doesn't work, then you can go to your options like abuse reports.

6) Don't feel compelled to keep saying no, and don't feel compelled to give reasons for saying no. No means no, and should be respected the first time. You don't have to justify it; it is 100% your choice alone to decide with whom you want to associate, for any or no reason. Often, the more you say no and explain yourself, the more the other person persists, because they see you wavering or capable of eventual persuasion. Your first "no" is enough. You don't have to give reasons. Beyond that, mute and ignore. When someone is begging for justifications from you, that's a method of them controlling you.

7) Ignoring someone typically makes them go away faster than fighting with someone. Fighting back tends to prolong the fight, and give the other person some sort of satisfaction and self-justification.

Before you go to an extreme measure like abandoning your avatar for a new alt, try just not logging in at all for a week. Emotions build amazingly fast in an internet relationship; often, they drain just as quickly. Disappearing for seven days in RL time is the equivalent of disappearing for seven years in internet time. Your ex-boyfriend may have forgotten you over the course of seven days. And he's probably found someone else he'd rather stalk than you by then.

9) There's nothing wrong with caring about your ex-boyfriend's feelings. It's fine to be polite and gentle with the problem. But only as long as polite and gentle is effective. Despite what you may have once thought about the person, once he starts disrespecting you and your boundaries, he has lost any sort of right to expect kindness and sympathy from you. You don't have to be a cold person. But you do need to come to grips with the fact that someone who is disrespectful of you does not deserve your attention.

10) Unless you are technically-savvy, there is no way you are going to out-tech a determined stalker. Your absolute best defense is to do all you can to avoid them in the first place.