Public Contrition (or, consequences of gender online)

Any intelligent being will want to explore all the possibilities that life has to offer them.

Unfortunately, there are some people who possess fears that overwhelm their curiosity. It is sad that their fears will hinder their set of life experiences.

FL can be a cruel and confined place. SL can be just the opposite if you let your mind fly free.

As you can see, you've got a lot of friends here Ananda, and we want you to be free.

Ananda!

I have to say that I'm very proud of you for sharing a very personal perspective. Firstly, I too view everyone's avatar as such...an avatar. Whether an avatar's gender is male or female, it's has no relation to the player's actual gender in RL. SL is a creative environment first and foremost, and I rarely refer to SL as "game" in the traditional sense, since to me a game usually has an ultimate goal to achieve and win...once you win, the game usually doesn't hold any redeeming interests. SL on the otherhand is truly a second life, an environment where creativity and community is celebrated and shared...SL has always been a positive outlet for me and I'm sure for so many other members.

As your concerns of what negative things that others may think of you, I wouldn't waste your time and energy. Like in RL, I was always tell people, "...if you only realized how much time these people actually spend thinking negatively about you, I bet you wouldn't be so concerned about their opinions...!"

I've met you on occassion at events in one of my male/female/demon/angel/vegetable AVs, but you seemed nice to me regardless...and that's all that matters. Honestly, when I first started, I come to realize that people were more receptive to my female AV. I figured this was because most of the players were heterosexual guys in RL and were more receptive to my female AV. Not that I cared, but then I used my female AVs more often to gather more cards, positive ratings and meet more people. It seemed to work, but I really didn't care after my first week because I then developed 6 more male and female AVs...and I figured, like in real life, people will like you more for who you are as a whole and not just by one's gender. Eventually, someone asked what my RL gender was while I was in one of my female AV forms. I hesitated at first because I initially thought it was none of her business, but I thought to myself, "...why would I lie about my actual RL gender, not to mention that my AV's name in SL does state blantantly 'CYRUS'...which is a guy's name..." So, I told her that I was male in RL...but then again, I also stated I can still be lying regardless. That being said, I say such personal questions should be taken lightly since there's no way to verify the truth of the person's RL identity unless the intention is to develop a relationship offline...and that's a whole bag of drama unto itself...lol!

Lying takes so much energy to maintain and I'm a firm believer that the truth will ultimately present itself, one way or another. You have nothing to lose by being honest, and everything to gain by doing so and encouraging a more positive environment around you. Don't feel bad for "keeping it real"...by doing so, you make life in SL better for yourself, for me and the rest of the SL community...and for that, I thank you.

Ananda your thread hits on a good subject. I think you approached it well and from your personal perspective.

I am female in and out of the game and I also respect my fellow players right to choose how they will lead their Second Life.

I do think it is important to state who u are in rl if only by gender. All too often romances and/or crushes do result online and we all should be careful how we treat our fellow residents. This goes in general as well and not just where matters of the heart are concerned.

Thank you for being so candid and sharing with us. I, for one, appreciate your honesty.

Sincerely,
Misty Rhodes

I have a confession to make...

I'm... not really a blue space alien.

I know several MTF transsexuals, one of whom plays this game... it ain't no thing.

P.S. You're in good company, or haven't you seen Philip Linden lately?

This is true. I have it on good authority that Huns is really a purple space alien with green oozy spots and an insatiable craving for pickled pigs feet...

Ananda,

I thought the opportunity to be something you are *not* was part of the fun of SL?

I think *most* people here are cool with it. Be who you want, and have fun at it!

gross

Everyone should just switch genders roughly every week.

Then it wouldnt be an issue anymore.

yep, thought I'd add my 2cents, although many ppl here have already expressed the very sentiment I feel.
It's a Second Life, like a second chance to be who or what you want to be. I started life in SL as a female through my trial and changed genders once I subscribed. Who knows, I might change back to female before too long.
Kudos Ananda! Be who you want to be in SL, we can't all change who we are in RL.

Oh yeah, I feel the love in this thread!

Big Group Hug, everyone!

Yay! *hugs Rik*

I love to switch me av from girl to boy and back! Tis FUN!

However, I don't feel weird when I act lke my cheery old self in me male avs! ( I still have no idea why...) But, hey, if it makes you feel better being a girl, Ananda, then fine.

I've seen some folks jump at other folks who are not the sex they are in SL. What's the point in that? Is that what SL is about? To be what you are in your first life? Are you folks that are getting upset, upset because they are not the hot little stripper looking person they are in SL? Or that oh so perfect looking AV in the game? That's why they call it second life.

Like them for their personality. I've met several so far and I'm having the time of my life in SL along side them. The sex doesnt matter to me in RL, because its the personality I base them on.

Hey Ananda thanks for being open with us. (It's 1 am so I hope I make some sense).
I always wondered why some people used different sex AVs especially in games where you can't change the sex of the AV (like in EverQuest). Then again this isn't really game. . .it really is like your second life in my opinion and you can do whatever you want. Now I know at least one reason why people have different sex AVs and it's a perfectly valid, ethical one Ananda. I think that having placed in your profile that you are a male in RL was a good idea but not a necessary one.

You know what, your post made me realize that SL can have a big impact in our lives. . .I can't explain it right now but I think I will later when I'm fully awake. "Our SL" does have some meaning which means that the people in SL are meaningful to us. Thanks Ananda.

Dearest Ananda
I think you are simply charming, male or female...
Who gives a HOOT what your RL gender is. All I see is a lovely Av who is nice to everyone she meets, well dressed, well meaning & with lovely manners...
Thats TOPS in my book, and thanks for your honesty... To boot you are careful not to hur someone else...
BRAVO !!!! Many hugs.... Baccara

In response to this thread I have this to say. The beauty of SL is that you can be who or what you want to be. I am a girl in RL and also in SL. This is my choice because I feel more comfortable playing something that I am.
When I look at all the people here on SL I see them as their av. You may be a guy playing a girl or a girl playing a guy, but if your av is a girl I will treat you like a girl and if it's a guy I treat you as a guy. I personally don't really give a hoot as to what your RL sex is. Even if I know that you are a guy playing a girl I will still treat you like a girl.
The major point of SL to me is role playing and don't we all want to be something we aren't now and again? Someday I may actually make an av that is a guy just to see how the other half lives, but for now I am content being female, but hey that is just me.
I have many girl friends here that are RL guys does that bother me? No way cause we are all the same thing when it really gets down to it. We are human.
I say have a little fun (heck have a lot of fun ) and live a little. You only go around once on this big blue marble live it up. And if you see me around sometime stop and say "hey" I like to have friends regardless of what your sex is in and out of SL. One can never have to many friends and I can use all I can get.
Ok I'm starting to ramble so I will finish up by saying if it makes you happy go for it and don't stress about if everyone is wondering who you really are on the other side of the computer monitor. Cause personally I am not

I am all for that... In fact, it wouldn't have to be every week. How about males have to go female just once a month... (evil grin).

That would have to depend on exactly WHICH time of the month you are referring to.

Ananda;

I am of Elfin kind there are times I wish my name was not Catherine so I could CHOOSE to be male elf or female elfin. Alas I am female both in and out of SL. Now for my point. I am an Elfin I choose who I want to be here, I live how I want to live. That is the point of SL for me, to be and do as I normaly could not in RL. What is this place RL? I do not wish to go there. If ppl want "realistic" worlds there are pleanty of them out there, they suck but they exist LOL. I live by "what ever floats your boat" my personal opinion what ever it may be doesn't mean a hill of beans if your happy do what you want To be to dream to fly to live to choose these are all things that have me addicted to SL Thanks for your honesty it is touching and very much appreciated.

Catherine Cotton

This post has made me tear up.......how incredibly honest you were.....you have nothing but my upmost respect.
wishing you all good things..............

hugs
jo

I posted something similar to this in another thread but I just want to echo some of the sentiments here.

I too am a guy IRL playing a girl in SL. My reasons for doing so stem from my prior experiences in massive online games. My first char in DAOC was a male Armsman. My second and main char was a female elven Mentalist on a different server. The reason I made her female was because I thought my magic-user should be an elf (racial stat advantages, plus they look cool) and, if an elf, should be female. That's it. Needless to say, over the lengthy period of time that I played her (1-1.5 years), I grew quite attached to my char and associated with her. (I love her name too, which is now the name I adopt for all my online games - my name here, Lymirah.) Since she & the name were female, I just keep playing female chars.

I do have a somewhat interesting story from my days in SWG. There, I played a human female named Lymirah. (Big surprise, right?) In my search for a second profession to go with my main one, Master Tailor, I tried being a "Professional" Dancer for a while. Since I was also a Master Tailor, I had some of the snazzier outfits to wear. Overall, it was an okay experience. The worst of it were the times when I was there merely trying to skill up, earn experience, cure the wounds of those who needed it and just chat with others and some idiot would come in and either start coming on to me or make some lewd emotes or comments. I felt their actions to be uncalled for and undeserving, especially given that not only was this the environment (a cantina) I would have to be in in order to level but also that this was an online game wherein anyone could be anything they want. The experience left a slightly sour taste in my mouth and helped remind me that not everyone who plays these games is as thoughtful and considerate as we might wish. (It also gave me a very slight hint of some of the issues women face IRL.)

As for SL, my experiences here have been nothing but good in those respects. I feel no need to tell others of my RL gender inasmuch as I don't ask them. I take their avatars and presentations at a certain face-value. If I get to know them better then I definitely give them more faith and confidence. Otherwise, don't believe everything you see.

I will say props to you, Ananda, for being honest and open. Thankfully SL provides an environment conducive to such honesty. Fortunately my quota of idiots-met has been relatively low as compared with other games, which allows for more honesty overall. Cheers!