My thoughts + feelings on myself, autism, and Second Life

In the interest of communicating better and explaining my own thoughts + feelings, I have just blogged about what the Thread Title says.


My latest journal entry, titled "Is Torley autistic? Yes, no, maybe so? Let's get to the heart of it...", is available for your perusal here.


There is always a bigger picture here, and I by NO means want to limit discussion to "only those who have autism" or "only those who have three legs and multiple biomechanical eyestalks", but keeping the whole community very much in mind and in heart.

Each of us is a unique individual. Each of us, hopefully, can contribute as a special shade to the canvas of life, Second Life. I don't want to leave anyone out, and remain hopeful that using the creative tools provided to us, we can become more human -- or furry, or robot, or whatever you choose to call yourself -- through this emotional technology.

I hope what I have written will answer some questions. It will likely bloom some more forth, but that's the beauty of progress, as we continue walking, running -- or even flying! -- forward into the future.

So this is what I'm doing. Likewise, if you have things you'd like to clarify about yourself to deconstruct misconceptions, rumors, and outright untruths, I encourage you to share. I am interested in hearing from you.

Nice post and blog entry, Torely.
Thanks for sharing.

Fantastically written Torley

A very insightful read, ty

Long ago they tried at one point to diagnose with me Asperger's, though it didn't particularly stick -- nor ADD, later ADHD, etc, etc. However, in my time I've been around a good numer of people who have been diagnosed with such that at times I can see common threads between cases. This also includes several people online with Asperger's.

Not to knock you at all, but Torley, you strike me as someone a bit more emotionally connected and warm than what I'd consider the norm for Asperger's. Mind you, this is based from a sample of five other people. Some of them were capable of great acts of warmth and concern, but it was very much a sporatic burst, forming like a bubble before popping with a fizzle back to detachment. You seem a bit more 'always on', to myself.

I can see perhaps why some people would question your assertion. When you mentioned autism, I assumed Asperger's as you seemed to be functioning at or close to neuro-typical. Mind you, this is limited exposure to yourself as we only ever see each other in passing. This isn't saying you are or you aren't, as I suppose it's not harming anyone either way. But what I am saying, if you genuinely are, you're putting good effort into appearing neuro-typical. So there.

Another excellent blog. And I still haven't got round to writing up Saturday's fun.

I have no more to say since I know absolutely nothing about Autism nor Aspergers

Thank you Olympia, Willow, Belaya, and Siobhan.

Belaya, thank you for your opinion -- I have great respect for you. Although we've not spoken at great length, when you make observations, they are so astute and dilligently insightful. I find you to have a brilliant mind and your technical savvy is uncanny. Plus, we have the same taste in IDM/Braindance and chiptunes. LOL.

As for what you said, it's strange... who I am today is leaps and bounds from Torley ten years ago. I still don't feel like I'm warm enough. I'm still looking for something inside of me that I haven't been able to find yet. I guess that goes to say something about self-improvement.

In some areas, I see myself as quite low-functioning. It is more apparent offline, of course, and I am rather embarassed at my inability to grasp common sense. Life goes on tho . . .

Thank you.

Torley,

Great post. You gave us all way more of yourself than you had to. Most of us aren't that brave.

I have never met Torley, Jr. I only know you from reading your first posts at sluniverse, then running into Torley, Sr. at trivia events. I thought that is was great to see someone so thoroughly accept this world. You were in it with every key on your portable keyboard.

We spoke only a couple of times, and, unfortunately, I think my comments to you were taken out of line and I had to restate myself a few times. Then you got it and we moved on.

When I later read about Jr. and her propensity towards watermelon, I made and sent you a slice. You gracefully thanked me and even ackowledged it in your blog.

Having read this from your post (caps yours) "I HAVE A HORRIBLE TENDENCY TO OVERLOOK THE OBVIOUS AND MISREAD SOCIAL CUES."

At least in SL, I don't think that is so true anymore. I think you have made great strides since your entry into SL. Judging from the responses here and elsewhere, you have better social skills than most of us!

There is a saying my father-in-law let me in on:

Illegitimi Non Carborundum

It is pseudo latin meaning "Don't let the bastards grind you down."

And your sample mp3 is amazing. I can't wait to download the rest of them.

Torley,

As always, I am very moved by your honesty and bravery in revealing so much of yourself to people who often don't deserve any explanation from you. Anyone who is lucky enough to really know you and call you their friend has never had a question in their mind about your honesty. It saddens me that once again this has come up, as it seems partcularly cruel to make someone defend who they are. You did so with the grace you have always shown, and I managed to even learn more about you, and felt compelled to share privately with you the details of my own challenges. Thank you again for being part of my life, Torley - please remember that even in the midst of this kind of negativity, you are loved. Hopefully this will once and for all put to rest the whisper campaign and the accusations of those with nothing better to do than to demean someone who has done nothing to them except be who they are.

Hi, Torley. I don't suppose your autism turns you into a nymphomaniac doe it? (Crosses fingers).

People reading this post may find this link interesting. Although it can't officially diagnose autistic disorders (nor does it claim to do so), it will let you know how your score compares to non-autistics (average score 16.4) and people who have been diagnosed (80% of whom scored 32 or higher).
What's your Autism Spectrum Quotient?




~Olympia

24. Is that good or bad? c.c Somewhat in the middleish it seems.

Alan, Ano, Dev, Govi, thanks so much. *hugz* Hehe... I like that Latin saying, and as for the nympho...er... hmmm well I do have my obsessions I'm entitled to that, eh?

As for that Wired test, I have taken that several times over an extended period. It's a fun test. I got almost 40-ish the first time I *think*, but that has dropped in recent times to more like 34. So I'll just sit it there, give or take how I'm feeling a certain day.

Tikky, hehe... yeah, what about a museum of theater? COMBO POWAH! I dunno if that question tries to frame "highbrow vs. lowbrow" stuff or what point it's trying to make... I think that since people on the autism spectrum prefer quiet, nondistracting places where they can focus, that it may be pointing to that. Since movie theatres are loud ruckus-houses as opposed to, well, Shakespearian theatre. That Q IS kinda vague.

I'm very much into pop culture. I used to collect National Enquirer mags and literally stack 'em up high into towers in the washroom basket. I read them every week for over a decade.

The opportunity to learn about my humans on Planet Earth is wonderful. In here, this extends to my fellow avatars from whatever planet (like Zeta ), or timeline, even!

Yes, that was kinna oddish. Though I think I answered one question wrong. I answered I like numbers, but I don't. I like shapes instead, they're more tangible to me. I also never really find movie theatres to be ruckus houes. I generally go by myself though and tune out everything else. If and when I go that is.

these tests are self fulfilling prophecies. it can be as much a condition of self image and desire or a mood swing.

in a given week when i am feeling antisocial and awkward do to proccupation with some stressful focused work, i could easily score a 40. i could easily have scored 100% if my self image encouraged me to fulfill asperger autism from this quiz.

this quiz is garbage. its usefulness is limited to helping those who know nothing about autism to understand what are the signs of being autistic

museums over theatres? in museums you have to understand the complexity of human interaction at a fast pace. in a museum you look at inanimate objects.

torley, on your site you disclaim having been diagnosed. since you are open about your condition, permit me this question. will you not be better served and take bigger strives in learning your abilties and limits if you seek professional guidance?

once again - that quiz = garbage.

wow 34 here....but I'm not really sure what that means besides the fact that I cannot remember phone numbers and have a tendency to be a hermit.

Hi Torley,

I was very impressd by your eloquence in putting forth your views, and admire you for being brave enough to talk about yourself in such detail. I very much enjoyed reading your blog and hope to make your aquaintance in SL.

Cheers!

FireDancer

oh i checked the description on the quiz. it wasn't meant for diagnosis. disregard my disdain for this quiz!

<--suffering reading comphrehension problems.

These sorts of quizes always strike me as a bit odd...I can understand the "Are you a hot lover" quiz for entertainment purposes only...but a quiz diagnosing something such as Asperger's or Bipolar is a bit of a stretch on the old entertainment metre.

they are irresponsible in my opinion, but they have the necessary "not for diagnosis purposes" waiver so what can you do?

Nada...but it did remind me a bit of the online IQ tests, the more you take the test the higher your IQ "becomes".

Just a bit of a ps...I agree with your questioning there, Wu, and if my balls were big enough I would have asked the same.

41 - how interesting. I'm a rl female btw.

I scored 11 on the test, despite the fact that I do have some characteristics that might be considered AS traits (an inflexibility when it comes to plans, and the ability to become absorbed in an obsession).

I think the test is a reasonable guide, despite Jauani's comments. The fact is that people with AS will tend to score very high, and neuro-typicals will tend to score low. I think that the test is regarded quite highly in medical circles. Certainly a high score would have given me the incentive to investigate further.

i like number problems, art museums, and reading. i'm in an antisocial mood and i'm not confident in social settings. i might be autistic. whatever.

Here's another one of my fave quizzes if anyone would like to try

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

I've taken just about every one out there at some point, and distilled the results.