What happened to me...

*sends lots of hugs and good thoughts to bri*

You know you have a ton of people here that love you and are here for you... and given our nature there are a lot of us who you can talk to and know that we understand.

Thank you very much for the imagery. My testicles have taken refuge inside my abdominal cavity somewhere, and no amount of coaxing will get them to come out.

And I did mean it affectionately...really...honest!

I think we had occasion to discuss depression once before. Was it you that had the big church or cathedral? Was it in Blue?

I understand what it's like Bri - I also suffer from similar problems. I've been diagnosed bi-polar by several doctors over the last 20 yrs, and have gone through severe periods like yours for many parts of my life. It took away about 12 years of my life before I got control of it. The good news is that you are smarter than me, and you have some great friends here in SL who support you.

I believe that everyone's chemistry is different, and if that is true you should take mine, and everyone's perspectives with a grain of salt - it's what I eventually had to do. In my case, I eventually had to let go of the blind faith I had in my doctors and do the research myself. For me it needed to be about building a life that supported my personal state, let me set my own goals, and manage my own bio-chemistry for optimal happiness. It was not about destroying an illness. I still see a psychiatrist (Who currently thinks I suffer from Anxiety Disorder) but he is a resource for me - not a savior. Over the last 10 years I have been happier than I thought possible when I was younger and I have been medication free for the whole time. My only remaining "Symptoms" are that I can not maintain long periods of focussed work without getting drowsy. It's not a big deal, I find caffeine keeps me awake when I need it and lots of green tea helps clear the jitters away. I know from experience that I will be able to modify my diet and suppliments to increase my performance over time without sacrificing priority #1 - my emotional clarity.

Over time I may even be able to maintain that state of performance "flow" that used to persist in the manic phases, but that is very secondary for me - I had to take a productivity (and income) hit in order to step away far enough to build control over my mental state. When I was involved that deeply in work - relationships - whatever, it also meant that I had surrendered control over my emotional and intellectual state. Re-building that control was helped by medication at times, and other times it was just changing my perspective by changing my environment. Today I think it is a critical element of my health that I maintain the habit of looking for new things to do almost every day. It maintains my awareness that things can change. I may not be able to predict it, but everything could change at any time; I'm not going to miss it because of some stupor. These days all I really shoot for is a state of relaxed alertness, and after that I do what I can do and no more.

All I'm trying to say, I guess, is that you are right - people DO recover from this all the time. Every year helps me relate to other people's experiences and see that it's more common that I ever thought. It's certainly not the death sentence I thought it was when I was young (exactly the opposite, in the end) - People go through this and then disappear into the crowd as healthy people again. It's only the transition that stands out. I think that like most people, you may have to try more than one solution before you find what works, but you will definitely be a stronger, more complete person because of it.

Regardless of where your trip takes you - You can count me among the people who admire you and send thier best wishes. When things level off for you I hope you are still around SL. In the meantime, feel free to IM me if you want to talk - I don't currently have a computer that runs SL (I'm away at school) but I'll reply through e-mail.

Big Hugs, Bri !

Thank you so much for sharing that Darko. So far I've only been in the mental ward of the hospital once, this past week my doctor 'made me' check in on this past Monday (the 8th) and I got out wednesday night after she made sure my first time on medication was going ok. The chemical cocktail prescribed to me is Zyprexa & Zoloft.

It's all terribly confusing to one moment be ok, and then the next moment be less than ok, way less.

I think getting rid of the sims was the best move I made, they permanently grounded me in SL and kept me filled with paranoia and anxiety when there was no reason to feel that way. And telling yourself that "its ok, you are just paranoid" does not work. The meds I am on now just sort take me a new definition of high, literally.. I have these episodes i call "Time Release Moments" when I feel dizzy or that I can't walk straight and I know the zyprexa is causing it.

Anyways... Im on the road to recovery so to say. Thanks for walking the road with me

Briana Dawson

*HUGS* Rocket, thank you so much for letting me know I am not alone and sharing with me. Stories I have read and been told by others regarding their bipolar issues have really helped me in so many ways. I have become more accepting and not living in denial and I also know that it isn't a death sentence. It is nice to feel optimistic for a change without it being caused by a manic mood.

Briana Dawson

It is my pleasure. I think it was very courageous of you to come forward and talk about this Briana. I was thinking I shared too much until you replied. Some of my best real life friends do not know I have been institutionalized. The anonymity of SL and your story gave the courage to come forward and for that I thank you. People need to be more educated about mental illness and this is definitely a step in the right direction. As far as the side-effects they will subside. I am so glad to see you are getting help. Best of luck.

One love Briana!

I havn't been around much at all the past month. Maybe twice or three times at the most. I noticed the forum link in your profile and came upon this. I'm sorry to hear what's happened while i've been gone, Bri. I hope all goes well and the future ahead of you shines bright. Everything behind us, i'd just like to say i'll be there for you whenever you're feeling the need for a friend, although you seem to have too many already! Anyway, best of luck to you, Bri.

-hugs tight-

Briana,

My husband suffers from cyclothymia - similar to bipolar, but a more rapid fluctuation with shallower changes. Recently, though, his depression troughs have been getting deeper, and he is adjusting his medications and therapy schedule to compensate.

I myself have Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism) and dysthymia, and have my own medication regime to follow. Zoloft is a good start for you, and I hope it works well.

It sounds like you have a competent medical team looking out for your health, and that is the best thing in the world right now!

Briana, if you ever need to talk, toss me an IM. I can definitely relate to what you're going through.

You're friendly neighborhood pup is always here to support ya Bri Cya in world!