To Julia...

To Julia Curie,

You'll probably never read this, as you don't frequent the forums any more, and let's face it, you probably don't care much either, nor believe it even if you do. But I need to get this out, call it a memory, or an apology, call it what you will.

For a year, you were the brightest star in my heavens, the light to brighten up my second life. Without you, I was nothing. You found me lost and lonely at the end of the year, and you changed my life. Before I met you, remember how I was? You gave me purpose, brought be back from the brink, saved me from my own self-destructive nature.

And how did I repay you? I got drunk and angry, I called you names. I said things that even to this day make my heart break with shame. I've told you so often how sorry I am for that, but you never really believed me.

You made me so very happy Julia, and I repaid you with pain. You'll never know how much the memory of that night still haunts me.

But over our year together, we've both hurt each other. When we were good, we were oh so very good... but when things got bad, they got very bad... but for a year we got over it somehow, we made it work.

Then that day, in front of a sim of people, it got worse than ever. We worked at fixing it after, but fate intervened. Againsst your will, you were kept away from SL and from me for a month... and I thinking you'd left me, moved on.

I was wrong, but that's not really the point, is it...? You came back, and found yourself to all intents and purposes, divorced, and you found me with another. What can I say to that? What words can ever express it?

What happened later was the end, I think. I don't know if I would have come back, had you given me a real chance to do so. I loved you then, and I still do, but it was obvious that "We" weren't working any more. Some might say that had been the case for a while, but I don't know about that.

But Julia, you said you don't believe I ever loved you, that you think I never cared. You are so wrong, so so wrong. Letting you go has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but I think in the end you'll be better for it. I certainly won't though. I'll never get over you. I'll never forget you and what you gave me.

And so ... I'm sorry. I started writing this with the entent of saying "Good Bye", but I can't. My heart is breaking as I even say this much. So instead I'll say this...

Julia, I'm none of those things you called me. If it makes all this easier for you to think them, then so be it. I wish you the best of everything in whatever you choose to do, and I hope that one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me, and maybe, just maybe, we can try again...

Sio

/crys

Sio...
Reading this broke my heart. I know it must have been so painful to pour your heart out this way. I will be hoping for the best to both of you.
*Hugs*

Aww

That is the most heartfelt emotional thing I have heard in a long time, my best wishes, love and hugs to both of you, I hope this all works out

*hugs*

Willow
xx

Thanks for your wishes.

It's too late now. It was really too late a month ago... I just didn't want to believe it myself. I've moved on now, and there's no way I'm going to do the same again. I've hurt too many people, too much, and it's killing me.

*sends hugs and healing vibes to Sio*

Ah... sorry you heart seems broken. Maybe others are broken too. But you can't move past this thing - as you think maybe you have - until you feel free from the grip that it has on you. Its a process - never easy. Days go by and you can think of nothing else - then suddenly one day you will note that ya didn't think about it all day. The healing will come.

How we let that process occur is sometimes in our control... most often not. But if you feel like you have the slightest control over it, then my advice is to take care of yourself. You are, basically, all of those good things that you credit someone else in bringing out of you. That may be, but there you are now without that inspiration - deep down maybe you can see that your own energy/self used the situation to gain inspiration and you can do that again. We so often assign our brilliance to the influence of others when it was more likely the timing of a relationship and the mutual creativity.

I once lost a lover/friend after nine years. I never thought recovery would come and almost indecently, it did - it does.

There is a saying "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" - it works for all involved. Pain is an unpleasant feeling - but so necessary sometimes to understand what we can deal with - to understand how we are growing/have grown just when we think we have it all figured out and are ready for paradise.

Don't fall into any gutters over this. Get up ... dust off... move forward. Cry, rend your clothes if you have to, write posts here - whatever it takes to keep the forward motion.

Sorry to write so much - blah blah, but I have wanted to get to know you as a friend in SL and see that you are caught up in alot. Selfishly, I always resent when people's emotional lives keep them from being open to others - You probably could care less - which may be a good sign - but I really can't think in this case that it is - I mean who wouldn't want to get to know the bald, older woman from SL - who recently has been wearing furry suits! Anyway a big hug to you -

I have Freya now...

But it was a year... in SL... not a week or a month...

Without Freya I'd be gone by now, probably before Julia came back...

a simple ~hug~

Again, thanks everyone... but...

Remember, Julia's hurting as much as I am, probably more... and she has less friends, and doesn't read the forums any more...

If you see her in world, consider her too. I don't know if she'd welcome a hug, but perhaps a kind word...

*hugs to Sio* and *hugs to Julia*

I've always adored you both..

I wish you and Freya the best of happiness Sio

and I'll wish the same for Julia as well

*hugs again*

While I applaud your beautiful message and heartfelt emotion, I must say that this expression is total BS. What doesn't kill us may leave us maimed and paralyzed for life.
Sometimes it IS better to die.

Just my 2 cents.

Sheppdogg

ps Sio...you have my empathy...I hope things DO get better.

I'll be breaking my foot off in your ass very soon dumbass.

Considering that you are an idiot, I will only comment to you that you may have to think beyond your nose to understand the idea behind the expression. Something you have demonstrated time and time again that you cannot do.

Please people, let's keep the antagonism out of this thread.

I was speaking in an analygist sense... I was making an analogy... I did not literally mean it could leave you physically handicapped... I mean Mentally handicapped.

I'm not dumb as you think.

Hm, Siobhan, is this about love in SL? or was it in RL too?
Sorry English is not my native language

It was some of each. It started in SL, but through email, ICQ, ventrillo... it became more....
We played other games than SL together too...

But as I said, it's over now, and I hope, for the best... I did love Julia... I still do, but now I have another, and it's way too late to turn back. I love Freya now... and I won't hurt her too just to try to fix something that I don't really know can be fixed.

Hugz Sio and Julia, its a hard hard thing you walk threw now. Hold your head up high and go on its what must be done.

Luvs ya both;

Cat

Yes you are.

So what are you waiting for?

I hope everything works out some way or another Siobhan, hugs.

Lesbians are cool

Thanks Nolan. In a way it is working... I do have someone... but it was my mistake that fucked up a year long relationship, and without destroying another (which I won't do), I can't fix it.

So essentially, this is about Julia, not me... I'm hurting, but I have someone... She's hurting as much, but is alone

May I ask why you posted this? Why wouldnt you contact her privatley? and by you mentioning you have someone else, do you think this is supposed to make her feel better?

I am sorry you got hurt, and I am sorry Julia got hurt, but this isnt the place for it...