Chili Time

lol, something about that sentence, thats so charming

I too want a nice hot bowl of...






















OATMEAL!

mm chilli and a beer!

Homer: Five-alarm chili, eh?
Ned: Uh-huh.
Homer: One, two... hey, what's the big idea?
Ned: Oh, I admit it. It's only two-alarm, two-and-a-half, tops. I just wanted to be a big man in front of the kids.
Todd: Daddy? Are you going to jail?
Ned: We'll see, son. We'll see....

Hehe .. this reminds me of a joke I read, lemme copy and paste it here

<start of copy and paste>

Chili cook-off


If you can read the whole story without tears of laughter running down your cheeks then there's no hope for you.

NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome.

These notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

" Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."


Here are the scorecards from the event:


Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick!
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild!
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang!
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor needs more peppers to be taken seriously!
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A no beans chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing!
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb bitch is starting to look HOT -- just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?


Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive!
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef…could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement!
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet! Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic! Superb!
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.


Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. Screw it! I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.



Chili #8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot! Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.


Chili #9 Nick’s Nasty Nuclear Chili

Judge # 1 -- While I am eating this sample toward the end of the contest, I’d have to say it is capable of providing a significant kick. Outstanding for an unknown cook!
Judge # 2 – On yeah this cook has done his job well. I hope this cook is a Texan because the chili is that good!
Judge # 3 – I didn’t know they had a First Aid tent for judges! I was taken there almost unconscious and given a soda bicarb enema and had to swallow even more soda bicarb to neutralize what was going on in my guts. It was a painful process but it worked. I’ll pass judgment on Nick’s Nasty Nuclear Chili. All I want to do is get to the airport and go home. All I need is a nice thick foam pad to sit on…

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By the way, how do you pronounce ... Xtopherxaos Ixtab? It looks like zee-toh-phur-zaous Iz-tab ... but I could be wrong

Mohnstrudel!!!
Its a poppy seed strudel, dont know how to say strudel in english but I believe the term is known around there. The regular apfelstrudel is also very nice.
And then there's those meat balls. Austrians love balls. They make everything into balls.
They make these large balls of spicy meat wrapped with some sort of dough. Very yummy.
Then there's some dessert she makes... fruit balls, for lack of a better term. It's basically fruit, like a strawberry or something similarly small, wrapped in dough, then covered with sugar and bread crumbs.
She has some great american recipes too, like cheesecake and zucchini bread. She goes to america now and then, she has some friends there. The cheesecake recipe involves some american cookie crumbs that cant be found anywhere here... nabisco honey maid cookies IIRC. Send them my way! Her birthday is on the 15th

Ace, tell us how it turned out!

I made fondue last night and realized I don't really like it. At least not the recipe I made. *bleck*

I had pasta and meatballs last night for the 3rd night in a row

Except for the fact that all of our digestive tracts had grown unaccustomed to such a large influx of beans, it was divine.

- Ace

LOL!!! OHNOES

*dons gas mask*

hmmm ....

hehe what??? it was gooood and yummmmyy in ma tummy *rubs tummy* its hungry now...what should I have when i get home? any ideas?

I had stuffed bell peppers last night. Added a little curry to the mix and they were pretty damn good.

I feel like burgers....or something from take out... O.o

When I was in Indianna I had these little burgers called Sliders MMM MMMMMMMM Eat like four of those suckers easy and so yummy.

are sliders like White Castles? I used to love those lil' burgers.

Ya, I think the guy at the bar mentioned whitecastles, but when I had whitecastles from the whitecastle burger place they were kinda nasty. These were delicious.

Hopefully, if we get our package today, we're gonna be having authentic KC BBQ, courtesy of Nala's mom.

God, I hope they leave the package at the door and that no one steals said package.

*drools in anticipation*

Sorry I didn't get this off earlier. Here is the recipe to the best Texas chili you will ever eat. Let me know how you like it!

Texas Chili - Recipe is from my grandmother Louise, who lived in Texas her entire life.

2 lbs ground round steak - browned (more meat is never a bad thingy)
2 cans ranch style beans
1 onion chopped – browned with meat
1 bell pepper – browned with meat
2 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp cumin seed
2 cans hunts tomato sauce
1 can of water only if needed (you probably won’t)
1 garlic pod – pressed & browned with meat
1 tbsp whole peppercorns
salt & pepper to taste
1 tbsp cayenne pepper (to taste)

Brown meat, onions, bell pepper, garlic & onion.
Add seasonings, tomato sauce & water if needed.
Bring to a boil, cook & simmer for 30 minutes min (The longer, the better)
Serve over white rice and with Ritz crackers (Better the second day)

I usually double this recipe because the left overs are yummy!

Sounds delicious, Billy. Here's my recipe from the other night

1 Lb Hamburger
1 Lb Sausage
1 Onion Chopped
Peppers to taste (Green, Bell, Jalepeno, Chili, etc.)
Garlic to taste

(I have substituted Garlic Powder and Onion Powder in a pinch, but the real McCoy is definitely the way to go)

Brown meat, onions, peppers and garlic

In slow cooker add

2 Cans Stewed Tomatoes
2 Cans Beans (mix and match... I usually use 2 different types)
1 Jar Chili Sauce
1 Bottle Beer
3 Tbsp Mustard (the spreadable kind, not dry)
2 Tbsp Chili Powder
Salt and Pepper to taste

Add browned meat, onions, peppers and garlic, stir, and cook on low at least 3-5 hours. The longer, the better...

The beer and mustard give a kind of "sweet and sour" tang to the whole chili and is delicious. Its a nice juicy chili and is best eaten with lots of bread.

Enjoy...

- Ace

Ace - Your recipe is very similar to mine except I never used beer in it (what a great idea!). I add a 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg with the chili powder and about a 1-2 tbls of lemon. Also, what kind of Chili Sauce do you use?

*trundles off to buy preparation H*

Ya know it's good chili when you have to use a snow cone as toilet paper.

I can't help it. I see the topic, and I can hear in my head is a twisted version of this song..that goes "It's peantbutter chili time! Peanutbutter chili time!"

haha... that's great.

and i see a dancing YadNi in my head exclaiming:

"IT'S CHILLI TIME!"