Stupid People

I've worked as an IT tech for quite a few years now and I've seen many bizarre things.

One group of ladies decided to try to pry open a laptop with a butterknife, apparently thinking this was the way to swap a CD-Rom drive for the floppy drive. They were actually busy attempting to pry out the battery. Luckily I walked in and caught them and was able to stop them before much damage was done.

I've had folks think the monitor power button was the PC power numerous times.

The worst however, are the folks that lie to you:

Customer: My computer won't turn on.

Me: You're getting no power indicator at all when you press the button? No green light? No noise?

Customer: Nothing. It just sits there.

Me: Did you check to make sure it's plugged into a power outlet and that the power cord is plugged firmly into the back of the PC?

Customer: yes, I checked all of that.

Me: Ok..I'll be there to take a look asap.

And, of course, when I get there I find that the computer isn't plugged into a power outlet...

Ok here's another one that shoud give you a laugh



On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting pissed at me.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
Clerk: "Is that it?"
Me: "Yep."
Clerk: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
Me: "No, it's to go." [I hate effort duplication.]

At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says,

Clerk: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.

Clerk: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Clerk: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else, there's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Clerk: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says,

Clerk: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
Clerk: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Clerk: "Yeah."
Me: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
Clerk: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and

Clerk: "He says I have to take it."
Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Clerk: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Clerk: "What should I do?"
Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
Clerk: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
Manager: "Just tell him."
Clerk: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says,

Manager: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night."
[It was 8:00pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well-lighted indoor mall with a hundred other stores.]
Me: "Well, here's a two."
Manager: "We don't take those either."
Me: "Why the hell not?"
Manager: "I think you know why."
Me: "No really, tell me, why?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "What the hell for?"
Manager: "Please, sir."
Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Manager: "Fine, have it your way then."
Me: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.

A few minutes later, this 45-year-oldish guy comes in and says at the other end of counter, in a whisper:

Security Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
Manager: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
Guard: "Really? What?"
Manager: "Get this, a two dollar bill."
Guard: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
Manager: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Guard: "So, the fifty's fake?"
Manager: "No, the $2 is."
Guard: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
Manager: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
Guard: "Yeah..."

Security guard walks over to me and says

Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
Me: "Uh, no."
Guard: "Lemme see 'em."
Me: "Why?"
Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I was ready to say, "sure, please," but I wanted to eat, so I said,

Me: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says

Guard: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
Manager: "It's fake."
Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager: "But it's a two-dollar bill."
Guard: "Yeah?"
Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.

My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food...

Ooooooooooooook

I work in a University and have JUST this minute had this conversation wif a student, and I am wondering how the HELL they intend to finish Uni...

Student: Hey, can you help me with this photocopier
Me: No, I haven't got a clue how to use it (yes I am dumb wif photocopiers that are BIG)
Student: But, I just need to do this
*so I saunter off and try to help them, tell them to put their photocopy card in the machine*
Me: Ok, put your card in
Student: Ok, its asking for my pin number?
Me: Ok, put your pin in
Student: What is my pin number?
Me: I don't know what your pin is!
Student: When did i give it a pin?
Me: When you first used your card
Student: When did I first use my card?
Me: I don't know when you first used your card
Student: Oh, well can you tell me my pin?
Me: NO I CAN'T TELL YOU YOUR PIN!

Student looks at me as tho I am mad, as I shuffle off mumbling to myself... oh and I have just peeked outta my office and they are STILL there just standing around like their pin is going to magically work...

REALLY I ASK YOU!!!

New stoopid person from just yesterday:

My boss: I need you to call Dell and get me a new power cord.
Me: I've got hundreds of them what's up?
Boss: I just disconnected the PC in my office to replace with a Dell from accounting, but the Dell power cord was missing...
Me: No problem, just use the old power cord from your old computer.
Boss: I can't, that computer was not a Dell.
Me: (pause) *sigh* Ok....I'll get right on it...

1 hour later

Boss (again): Umm...I think the server is down.
Me: Yep, I had to reset the switch...it was down for about a minute, should be up now.
Boss: Ok...well, I have a problem with you resetting things in the afternoon.
Me: Um...ok...why?
Boss: Well, we get a lot of reservations in the afternoon off the website....I don't want people to not be able to navigate to our website.
Me: Ok...well...our site is hosted in California, the switch is just for in-house internet access and network access.
Boss: Ok...(smarmy) but what good is it if only people in California can see the site? Our reservations come from all over the country....
Me: Oooookaaay, I'll make sure not to reset the switch anymore.....
Boss: Thanks!

Yesterday:

CoWorker: Hello, Helpdesk?
Me: Yes, Hello..
CW: My Microsoft is broken.
M: Umm, can you be more specific.
CW: Yes it's broken, I can't do my work.
M: When you say broken, do you mean the screen is frozen, or there is nothing on the screen?
CW: Oh no, the mouse works, it's just that I can't enter any numbers.
M: What happens when you try to enter numbers?
CW: The thing on the screen moves around.
M: Ok, check your keyboard, see the lights on it? Do you see the Num Lock light on?
CW: I dont' have any lights on my keyboard.
M: So they're all off?
CW: No, I don't have any lights on my keyboard.
M: Ok, can you click on "num lock" and see if a light comes on?
CW: I don't have a key like that.
M: Sure, it's right by your number pad, it says "num lock". press it.
CW: ....pause.......Can you come over and help?


Once I walked across the office and pushed her num lock key, I tried to explain that the num lock key, when off, will keep her from entering numbers. She said that she never enters numbers on the side, she enters them from the top. I wasn't about to get into a "then why was your pointer moving around when you were hitting numbers, argument", so I just walked off.

I saw her several hours later, and she gave me a smile and a little punch in the arm as she said "that num lock trick really works!"

shoot me.

I was one of those stupid people once.

I was working at a Blockbuster and got chatting with a customer about a particular movie. He picked out some chips and I brought it up to the counter. It wasn't busy and the conversation was starting to actually get exciting...

not even thinking and having a good laugh, I casually open a bag of chips and start munching out. Needless to say it took us both a moment before we realized that I opened HIS bag of chips.

Good thing I hadn't ringed it through yet.

A co-worker told me this story:

Many years ago, approximately in the year 1988, my co-worker, who was working as a technical support officer, received a desperate call from an assistant. She sounded shocked and scared and she continuously kept on saying: "Please come here! I need help! My computer punished me! I must have done something wrong!"

He tried to find more information about what could have made her react that way. Was there a blackout? Did a power trip happen? Maybe there was a computer crash? It was all in vain. Eventually he had to solve the matter personally and drove for 35 kilometers (approximately 21 miles) to reach the assistant.

The poor girl was still crying when he found her. Turns out that she was using an older model computer with part of the keyboard made of metal. It wasn't properly grounded, thus she had a rude shock when she started to touch it, unaware of the rude shock awaiting her.
"My computer is punishing me!" She cried out. "I must have done something bad to it and it got angry at me!"

PEBKAC

ohh how about the ID-10T error?

Lmfao I eated ant killer once, I woke up in the hospital. Luckily bobo the blue chimp took me there! Has anyone put their face against a car window and made it go up and down? Weeee...good times... good times..