Application Thread for Magellan's new expedition

Please post in this thread your qualifications and reasons why you'd like to be considered for the upcoming expedition to the newly discovered landmass.



"Magellan, you should take me with you because...."





I'll start.

.....because I'm can-do. I've got a pogo stick that will let me hop over groves of trees or even the tallest bio-tech dinosaur. Because I'm devout, and wish to bring the worship of Mt Ga'al to this new frontier. Because I don't have any sparkly jewelry that will distract the crew during the long voyage. Because I ALWAYS bring my towel with me. Because I can dance a jig. Because I thirst for the new vistas of this place and the potential that they represent. Mostly, because I have a map that I purchased not two nights ago, from an old man who's been to the new land. Prims, Magellan. This new land is full of prims, entire cities of them.

Because empty land doesn't intelligently develop itself.

I can lick my elbow, never panic in an emergency, have a good sense of humor, love sailing ships, can fight with a cutlass or rapier, have an unfailing sense of direction (even underground), am an experienced hiker, a spelunker and used to watch "The Land of the Lost" all the time.

Oh..and if the land is filled with dangerous, nubile, scanitly clad native women, I will selflessly try to distract them while the rest of the expedition escapes.

I'm nubile, and can be scantily clad upon request, and I'll bring sandwiches.

Edited to add: I can also lick David's elbow.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch hour, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my back yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesday afternoons, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet been on an expedition with Magellan.

Ok..what more do we need for an expedition such as this? Scantily clad, sandwich supplying, elbow lickers are a MUST for any possibly dangerous, (or long and boring), journey.


*marches off eagerly to explore the land of Jonquille, with it's gently rising hills, and lush, fertile valleys.*

I am very good using my cell phone and calling people to get me out of trouble.I have a outfit that will most likely match any terrain. I have several credit cards so its unlikely that we will run into a situation that will require us to sell any of our supplys for food or anything. I can also bring someone with me to carry my extra cell phone batterys and my wardrobe.

One day Lortdfly...

BLURB
Although Intel focuses most of its efforts on hardware, the company also spends substantial resources on software development. Intel used the Neural Information Processing Systems Conference to boast that the company has created "learning" software". The software engages in probability estimation calculations based on Bayesian models, which calculate future events by examining previous data. The program can be said to "learn" since the program can adapt to dynamic conditions. One of the proponents of Bayesian networks, Michael Jordan, claims that with this release researchers worldwide "will have access to a large, well-implemented, open-source toolbox of graphical model algorithms -- one that is fast and reliable." Intel is essentially giving this software away because Bayesian models can be quite compute-intensive. Generally, as Bayesian models (named after the 19th century mathematician Thomas Bayes) become more complicated, the computational requirements go up exponentially. Many industries use Bayesian models, but the pharmaceutical industry in particular could benefit from this software. Since the pharmaceutical industry is currently the most profitable industry in the U.S., Intel would like to be the company to satisfy that industry's computational needs.


Borrowed from Geek.com

...because as outstanding as New World Notes is, you'll need an independent, non-Linden journalist along for the ride to slake the grid's thirst for the day-in, day-out drama -- small-d drama, that is, not Drahma -- of what it's like to wrestle the exploration pod across new sim borders, slog through swamps of prims, grapple with keeping the crew happy and well fed, and put paid to whatever greefers, bots and ebil alts crop up along the way. I swear on a stack of Second Life Heralds not to get in Hamlet's way as he explicates the new land mass's features and builds, profiles its residents and quizzes attendant Lindens on their vision for the place. I'll stick to documenting the expedition itself and pick up scraps where I can find them.

Besides, there's nothing like a little competition to light the fire under even the best journalist's butt.

Here's to a free Second Press.

.....because i can mix a variety of yummy yet deadly alcoholic beverages and you need an official expedition smart ass.

also if we get stuck in the ice i promise not to eat you. much.

You know, it would be better, fairer, funner, more realistic if LL allowed us to explore the new worlds out there and report back to the rest of the population. Forget Magellan, fund a group of inworld explorer-consumers as a business venture, as part of the "game". And make it a tough committment.

Since it was my idea first (see above from another thread), I'll exchange the right of ownership for a berth aboard ship.



Besides, I'm nasty enough to survive all hardships, and I have a talent for making any discovery sound more important than it really is.

I'm just me, and that's all I can be.

My god will you two get a room already!

Magellan please take me cause I look good in a fur bikini, I have a full set of Francis Chung weaponry to deal with hostile natives, and I know 47 different recipies for squirrel.

...I'm actually FROM this "new land". I've been on the SL mainland undercover for almost a month, waiting to see when you people would finally discover my home continent. Good gravy, you guys are slow on the uptake. Our next move was going to be renting space on MetaAdverse.

Anyway, you might as well bring me along. Not only do I speak the local language, harbor the secrets of keeping the dinos in check, AND have a lifetime pass to the Nubile Young Elbow-Lickers Association...

..I also have virtually unlimited supplies of the finest moustache-wax you've ever seen. Magellan, you can't pass that up.

Oh. Did I mention I need a ride home?

And from the look of her forum avatar, she has enough hoochie hair prims to take down the sim if things get messy

It's not hoochie hair it's Lash hair only like 16 prims

Because I can scuplt land like clay and have created a nice volcano!

Oh, and the elbow licking bit. I suppose if it's a prerequisite I can do that too, but I don't hafta like it!!!

Reason: I'm a reporter/writer.

Simply because I am Shadow Weaver...

Whereas the members of the current expedition appear to be enjoy drinking very much, I abstain from drinking. As such, I would always be free and willing to keep watch at night, while the rest of the expedition consumes exotic and sundry alchols.

In addition, I can kill a watermelon at 50 yards with nothing more than a sharpened prim. When in danger, I have the uncanny ability to survive even the most harrowing circumstances, and follow through with witty rejoinder, as I mock Death himself in an attempt to hide my fears.

Finally, I have participated in two cross-world walkabouts, and become well accquainted with arduous treks across bleak landscapes, while avoiding the hostile and violent natives, who viciously attack innocent explorers with their futuristic security systems and high-powered push-cannons.

Because someone ought to stress-test it properly by flying all over the place at half the speed of sound, and that person should be me.

I think it's too late to apply for the expedition now

For what it's worth, based solely on the merits of the applications received thus far, I think that Dakota Lafollette would have gotten first dibs.

Unlike all the other wannabe explorers, I have a liver of steel and a thirst for intoxication. Plus I can fly a blimp whilst juggling three machetes and a revolver, and am a liscenced zombie hunter.

I got the booze!