What is the correct method for eating a muffin during a business meeting?

Seriously.

lol, i do this all the time.

The cultured, civilized method:

I break off small bits of the muffin and place them in my mouth slowly.

That is the good table manners method (as best as i can remember).

The psychotic boss method:

Maybe under different circumstances, like if you are yelling at people, you could pause from yelling and cram the entire muffin into your mouth.. then momentarily chew the muffin, and then begin yelling again, spaying bits of muffin about the room.

This would give a good Psychotic boss effect.

You eat the muffin while looking completely comfortable and like you have every right to eat a muffin during the meeting in any way you wish to.

If anyone gives you weird looks about it or dares inquire about the muffin, you tell them about the horrible bug you found in their work and when you can expect it to be fixed. Then you continue eating your muffin, except it will taste even better now!

Ahh nice old school style Ezhar That will get you some big points.

I forgot the safe method:

Delay eating you muffin until everyone else has begin eating their muffin.

Identify the method the majority of the people at your level are eating their muffins and eat your muffin the same way.

Many times its good just to blend into meetings.

That is all well and good for the baked 'cap' portion of the muffin, but what about when you get to the 'stalk' part in the paper? It seems wrong to pick at the inside bits with your fingers, especially if it's got stuff in it (chocolate, blueberries, etc).

My method:
1. Look at muffin.
2. Realize I don't like muffins.
3. Replace muffin with donut.
4. Eat donut.
5. Realize donut is sticky.
6. Notice I have no napkins, and that my fingers, papers, pen, and personal organizer are now sticky as well.
7. Apologize to boss for getting chocoalte on his sleeve.
8. Excuse self to run to restroom to clean up.
9. Contemplate breaking the mirror and opening a vein.

*Sigh*

** deleted **

A step-by-step:

1) Pick up your muffin from your vendor of choice.
2) With muffin in hand, walk down the hallway to your meeting place.
3) Observe fluorescent lighting and begin to ponder the meaning of your work, your contribution to society through your work, the futility of your work in the grand scheme of things.
4) Turn the corner.
5) Mourn the death of social dance. Grieve the death of spirituality in the modern age. Regret the modern tendency to reduce our lives and our talents to that which is commidifiable in the market place.
6) Think back over your youth and all the dreams that you've since abandoned in favor of the pragmatic and job-based.
7) Step inside the meeting room.
Observe the other people, waiting for the meeting to begin. Observe the tired, sad expressions they uniformly wear, which are the same expressions they've worn at every other meeting since you've started working with them. Watch as they sip their coffee, their hands folded around their cups as if the cups were the sole source of warmth in the world.
9) Turn around.
10) Go outside.
11) Find a nice park bench in the sun (or shade, if you prefer). Unwrap your muffin and enjoy it fully without the restraints of social mores. Savor every bite and reflect upon the true nature of freedom. Watch the birds and squirrels play.
12) Repeat.

Also, a related question, what should I do with my 1000th post?

You should just say "Indeed."

Indeed.

Start a 'how to properly disengage portions of a muffin stuck in your teeth during meetings' thread.

make sure the muffin is on a napkin or a paper plate.
make sure you have a napkin on your lap
peel the outter wrapper from the muffin
place on plate or napkin (on table)
pinch off bite size pieces and place in mouth. (no talking please, no stuffing in the corner of your cheek either) chew slowly and swallow
take a sip of coffee or juice (nothing worse than bits in your teeth)
be sure to leave a bit or two so you dont look like your starving (even if you are)
wipe hands frequently (no one likes a messy handshake
excuse yourself to throw away trash (no one will mind and you will be seen as a tidy individual who notices the details)
throw trash away wipe hands again and throw napkin away

yup thats it nothing like a power breakfast

Cath

What's with the name "muffin" anyway? I have no idea how anyone can eat one without either chuckling or being embarassed for eating something with such a goofy name.

1.) Examine muffin
2.) Interrogate muffin through use of vaguely threatening yet incoherent mumbling.
3.) Stand up and declare, "I've had enough of your games, Senor Von Muffinheuser! Tell me the launch codes!"
4.) Pace about the room with a menacing glint in your eyes, ignoring the staring of others.
5.) As you approach the far side of the room, swiftly turn around, charge at the muffin, grab the bottom part in a strangling motion, and scream (preferrably with a small spewage of spittle), "TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR!!!!"
6.) Upon the muffin's refusal to speak, devour it ruthlessly with great amounts of flying crumbage.
7.) Look around at everyone in the room, and quietly and calmly state, "Let this be a lesson to the rest of you. Now who can tell me the launch codes?"
8.) Sit down and pretend nothing happened, occasionally glancing at Johnson, who you know for a fact has the launch codes.

roflmao omg i so want to do that today!!!

Well, I wouldn’t recommend picking every crumb off the paper.

Each piece you eat should be roughly 2 to 4 cm3 in volume.

Typically I'll have a small pile of crumbs left in the wrapper.

It is kind of like not inverting the bag of chips over your head to dump the last several grams worth of chip crumbs into your mouth. (unless you are extremely hungry / alone / just really like chips).

That is just the Remo method. I would recommend the safe method, posted above, to newer meeting muffin eaters, until you cultivate your own individual muffin style (which should fall within the realm of acceptable meeting-time muffin eating behavior).

roflmao stop it stop it I am at work in a quiet office others are starting to stare at me and Mr Muffinkins he said to tell Mr. Johnson 001133756

Oh I nearly forgot...

Before the meeting take another muffin to a nice "quiet place" (I prefer under my desk but that’s another story) slowly peel the wrapper back. Take your time your going to savor this muffin... ohhhh.... be gentle now don’t tear that precious wrapper and the extra bits of scrumptiousness...gently take a tender bite of the outer hardened shell...roll it around in your mouth and absorb it's delicate fruits...your tongue dances and your heart begins to quicken. Slowly pull back the meaty flesh with your gentle finger tips and expose the oh soooo moist and delicate center...press your lips to its delicate flesh nibble...nibble...

Yummy muffins

And don't forget that according to the NutriGrain commercials, the muffin will immediately expand to 100% its original size and attach itself to your butt once you swallow it, so I suppose it doesn't matter how you go about eating it.

But don't forget to scrape the very last tiny crumbs off the paper with your teeth.

I try and find a way to work the muffin into my presentation. For example...

"Let's pretend this muffin represents productivity.." (hold muffin up for all to see) "Now let's see what effects certain things have on said productivity. Reviewing the logs I see that Ms. Cotton spends four hours each day reading the Second Life forums instead of working on her spreadsheets!" (take giant bite out of muffin in overly dramatic fashion then continue talking with mouth full). "look at our productivity NOW!" (hold up muffin to show large chunk missing). "Stop laughing Grimm. I see that YOU spend two hours a day browsing Hot or Not." (take another large bite out of muffin).

Continue in this manner until all employess have been berated and the muffin is gone.

rofl

Thanks everyone, I really needed a laugh today

I am pleasantly amused/amazed at the creative minds we have here in SL.

Thank you for making yourselves available to my world.

1. Place hands behind back

2. Open mouth as wide as possible

3. Stare down muffin with the 'evil eye'

4. Bend forward, mouth open, making a loud 'rrraaarrrggh' monster-ish sound on your way down

5. Engage teeth gingerly, yet firmly, onto muffin

6. Swing head violently side-to-side to release demure, bite-sized portion of muffing into mouth

7. Repeat


Note: if coworkers encroach upon your muffin, give them the evil eye, hop up onto table and growl. That usually stops them from proceeding.

Believe or not, in a past life, while working for a tech R&D dept at a really big company, I had to take a 3 hour "grooming" class that answered all these questions (though in the end I rejected all such grooming).

The proper etiquette for business meetings is that, if the meeting is not specified as a "meal meeting", you do not eat, or drink. Period. Water and coffee are gray areas (I've heard people say, "water is necessary for health". it also means you are more likely to interrupt to go to the bathroom, others are more likely to say, "hey that looks good I'll go get me some now," and if you can't go an hour without coffee or water, see your doctor). If it's a meal meeting, then just use proper manners insofar as not eating with mouth open and so on. Wait for a break to discard muffin wrappers etc. Personally I hate when I'm running a class or meeting and somebody walks in with that 1 liter evian, plops it on the table, and guzzles liberally.

The etiquette has a flip side. If you are the meeting organizer, and arrange a 3 hour meeting without breaks (1 15 min. break every 90 mins is the recommended for training, meetings, etc.) so that people can hydrate or use the bathroom so they do not have to interrupt the meeting, that is considered rude to the invitees. If necessary, physically walk around with a garbage can so invitees don't have to get up (arranging an early break is best).

If you arrive to said meal meeting late, DO NOT show up and start eating.

If you need to get up and leave outside of a break, do not mutter apologies. Collect your stuff, get up and leave as quietly and directly as possible; the meeting organizer should never skip a beat to call attention to you. If he does, which is rude, simply say, "I apologize I have to go," and continue straightforward exodus. If you know you will have to leave early, be prepared to do so quietly (don't sit in front, break out your PDA, cel phone, etc., so it will take you 5 mins of noisy packing to leave).

This of course isn't for that standard ad hoc type meeting; it's for scheduled business meetings, ESPECIALLY if people from outside your organization are invited/hosting.

More useless blather from the corporate world.

hehe very funny posts all! I went into a lunch meeting and I had trouble keeping a strait face.

We had pizza. The cheese was pretty tough and I had the dreaded "can't bite the cheese in half syndrome so now you have a huge piece of cheese hanging out of your mouth"

I was temped to shake my head around violently like a dog or a shark would to shear the cheese in half.

Lately I have been debating weather or not to emit a low growl the next time someone is reaching for the last muffin in a meeting.