Rules for dating my daughter

Here is a tip:
Drive past his house at 3am on a Saturday night. If he's in the yard doing a little "gardening", consider it a sign.

I'll help bury the previous dumb sap. All I need is a wood chipper, a shovel, and a bag of lime.

Reinsert the pic you edited and I'll consider it. BTW, having good friends who are funeral directors with access to a crematory is the way to go. Just sayin'.

Here ya go.

Note the unintentional resemblance to Cher. Still trying to decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

You have won my approval. You see it's the Cher thing. Me being a middle aged biker, you tugged on my seminal vas deferens with that photo. I'll speak to her about the same sex issue, I'm sure it can be worked around. Also, I'll require a pre-contact agreement with you verifying age and allowing video recording equipment. kthxbye.

Recording equipment?

Voyeristic-incestual-Cher fetish?

You own Mask on DVD, don't you?

Heh, several 'backup' copies.

Hah. You should get video editing software so you can Edit Rocky out of it and focus on the biker guy's relationship with Cher.

Who said I haven't already ?

I'm just waiting for someone to come up to me pretending to be Sunny Bono, so I can put skies on them and hit them with a tree.


I must remember to use my Cher powers for good instead of evil.

awww, I was hoping you wouldn't stoop to that. I met him in Bosnia one time when he made an official 'I'm a politician and support you' visit. I asked him what happened you know I was a huge Sonny and Cher fan when I was a kid. He said "Dood, she was getting more pussy than I was.".

Nah. I was joking. I liked Sonny and Cher, though I had to see it in rerun, considering I just turned 27 and they were a little before my time.

Besides, I used to serve in the military too. Oh what fun those wacky overseas locations were.

Very wise. Belated Congratulations.

They are still brother and sister.

You forgot to add that you won't allow her to date a guy with a van.
That was one of the rules that my dad had.
And he was considering welding the front seats of my mustang to make sure that they wouldn't recline all the way back.
Thank god he didn't or I would have never obtained naughty girl status.

Hey, that's that movie where Cher's son has John Merrik's disease and is played by Jim Carey. He befriends a blind girl and turns into a wild and crazy cartoon character. Right?

Oh.. but you have! i am exposing you as not a purist Howdy!

Thats always the problem: we poor innocent boys pay the price. You go to the door pick up the girl and dad wants to kill you. You are terrified, so you are going to play it straight.

You say lest go the ice cream parlor, she says "lets go to make -out point or I will break up with you."

You say lets go home early so your dad doesn kill me, she says "Oh its no big deal daddy won't kill you he just acts scary-I come home at midnight all the time and talk my way out of it, i can do it again."

You say let's have and ice cream soda, she looks at you with that "as if" and ropes her best freinds college age boyfreind inot buying strawberry farm

You say you don't want to go past first base, she says "oh so I am not pretty enough for you, you like suzy the cheerleader more."

You say you don't want to go past second base and she is saying "I wonder how you face would look if I sat on you naked and put hot wax on your chest?"

You say you respect her too much as a woman, and she says "tonight I want to have sex like a pornstar."

You say third bases is far enough and she says "service me now bunny boy."

Befoer long she is freaking in the seact of a car, biting clawing ans scartching your back, turnbing your skin in to hamburger while ylu are hoping the cops don't come or the people three cars down can't hear her scream.

You cuddle for a while to reassure he you care and that she is good enough for you (If you don't cuddle she threates to tell daddy you took advantge of her and he will kill you).

Once it hits 11:45 you make plans to go back, She bounces up the path to her house. "Sorry Daddy, the film broke at the theatre," she tell him. so we went to starbucks and lost track of the time."

Of course he looks at you knowing its all your fault, and gives you the "don't let me catch you in a dark alley" look.

Innocent? hehe



OMG, I used that excuse once when I got home way later than midnight. I can't stop laughing. There were no Starbucks then, so I couldn't use the second part of that lie. I just said that we stayed until they fixed it.
Bad, bad girl, hehe.

The 1985 movie called "Mask" features Cher as the mother of a deformed kid, who is played by Eric Stoltz, not the Jim Carrey who starred in the 1994 comedy called "The Mask".

To this day, I will only refer to Stoltz as Mask.

I'd have to say Data. He sometimes can do everything, and sometimes nothing. Have you ever seen him moving super fast? why isn't he ALWAYS doing that?