This be either the best.. or the worst joke ever
|
|
Richie Waves
Predictable
Join date: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 1,424
|
09-22-2005 03:03
three men waiting to go in for an interview for a job in a Human resources Department First guy goes in and pulls out his C.V and intruduces himself. the interview goes well for him and at the end the interviewer asks him if he has any hobbies. The man says "oh yea Im a bee Keeper" The interviewer's interested and says "geez thats cool, how many bees you got?" The man answers "Oh I have 25 thousand" to that the intervewier says" wow that must take up a lot of space" and the man says "oh no, I have a micro Beehive 5000 that holds 25 thousand bee's" so off he goes happy that his interview went well. Second guy goes in for his Interview with an even better C.V better credentials.. Interview goes well and at the end he's asked about any hobbies he has. The man says "oh Im a bee keeper" The interviewer slightly stunned says "wow second one today! how many bee's you got" The man says "Oh I have 50 thousand" To that rthe Interviewer decides to be a bit smart and says "Oh you must have two of those Micro Beehive 5000's" The man says "Oh no!, I have a Midi Beehive 6000, that holds 50 thousand bees" So off the guy skips thinking the jobs in the bag Third guy goes in with what can only be described as the best C.V in the universe, credentials better than the Interviewers.. Interview goes Brilliantly, and at the end again he is asked about any hobbies he has.. To that he answers "Im a bee keeper" Stunned as hell the Interviewers says "holy shit thats 3 today! how many bees do you have?" The man says "Oh I have 1 bee" the interviewer a little shocked says "really? what you keep it in" the man replys "In a match box" The interviewer says "will that not kill him?" The man replys "Fuck um!!"  I'll get me coat!
_____________________
no u!
|
|
Marcos Fonzarelli
You are not Marcos
Join date: 26 Feb 2004
Posts: 748
|
09-22-2005 06:39
|
|
Hiro Pendragon
bye bye f0rums!
Join date: 22 Jan 2004
Posts: 5,905
|
09-22-2005 06:42
*ahem*
The Aristocrats!
_____________________
Hiro Pendragon
------------------
http://www.involve3d.com - Involve - Metaverse / Emerging Media Studio
Visit my SL blog: http://secondtense.blogspot.com
|
|
Hiro Queso
503less
Join date: 23 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,753
|
09-22-2005 07:25
OK I must be thick as shite because thats gone way over my head! Btw, For those who are not aware, CV = resume |
|
Willow Zander
Having Blahgasms
Join date: 22 May 2004
Posts: 9,935
|
09-22-2005 07:27
I *think* the point of the joke IS... The guy is going for a job in HR, yet he doesn't care about ONE bee, whereas the others care for a ton of bees... I dunno tho, I jsut sat going  for a while before moving along swiftly.
_____________________
*I'm not ready for the world outside...I keep pretending, but I just can't hide...* <3 Giddeon's <3
|
|
Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
|
09-22-2005 07:39
haha - I do get it Basically - The last one is guaranteed the Job in HR The first two care a lot about their bees , the ways they are cared for, etc. And they can care for many many The last one cant even manage to take care of One bee - and could care less. Perfect HR material.  |
|
Hiro Queso
503less
Join date: 23 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,753
|
09-22-2005 07:41
From: Colette Meiji haha - I do get it Basically - The last one is guaranteed the Job in HR The first two care a lot about their bees , the ways they are cared for, etc. And they can care for many many The last one cant even manage to take care of One bee - and could care less. Perfect HR material. Yeh missed the all important HR part. I vote crap joke  |
|
Leilany LaFollette
Not old, just older
Join date: 11 Jan 2004
Posts: 686
|
09-22-2005 07:41
After going *huh?* over this one for a bit and feeling dense, too... all I can say is Collette is smart!  |
|
Richie Waves
Predictable
Join date: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 1,424
|
09-22-2005 07:43
When I heard this joke first I was like o.O.. but wasnt until I was in bed that night and started thinking about it that I started laughing.. Iunno.. I have a weird sence of humour but that cracks me up!
ALT ENDING: he says he has a million bees, and the Interviewer asks does he have a farm of Midi Bee hives, he answers that he has 1 mini hive 5000.. Interviewer says :they only hold 25 thousand!.. FU%K UM!
Irish humour.. perhaps u need to be told this one :/
_____________________
no u!
|
|
Hiro Queso
503less
Join date: 23 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,753
|
09-22-2005 07:43
I think it will confuse many. I am sure many will read it as going to the HR dept for the interview rather than for a HR job. Maybe they won't and I am making excuses for not picking up on it lol!
|
|
Ben Bacon
Registered User
Join date: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 809
|
09-22-2005 07:56
To avoid confusion, maybe you should stress that is for an HR job. And maybe end with the interviewer congratulating him on getting the job. And maybe instead of bees, they should be pigeons. And maybe the interviwer should be a barman. In a bar. And the interviewees could just be men. Or a man. Who walks into the bar. With a pigeon. Or maybe a crocodile. |
|
Richie Waves
Predictable
Join date: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 1,424
|
09-22-2005 07:58
Oh dear o dear.. It must definitley be an Irish thing.. but the nonchalant "fuck them" is what cracked me up 
_____________________
no u!
|
|
Hiro Queso
503less
Join date: 23 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,753
|
09-22-2005 07:58
From: Ben Bacon To avoid confusion, maybe you should stress that is for an HR job. And maybe end with the interviewer congratulating him on getting the job. And maybe instead of bees, they should be pigeons. And maybe the interviwer should be a barman. In a bar. And the interviewees could just be men. Or a man. Who walks into the bar. With a pigeon. Or maybe a crocodile. |
|
Jobelle Sugar
Registered User
Join date: 19 Mar 2005
Posts: 1
|
???
09-22-2005 08:04
I must have taken too much benadryl........I even read it twice. Swooooooooooshhh over my head.
|
|
Richie Waves
Predictable
Join date: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 1,424
|
09-22-2005 08:08
Dammit.. wasted oportunity for a good poll on this one *sobs*
_____________________
no u!
|
|
Inanna Assia
Registered User
Join date: 18 Jul 2005
Posts: 30
|
09-22-2005 08:33
From: Ben Bacon To avoid confusion, maybe you should stress that is for an HR job. And maybe end with the interviewer congratulating him on getting the job. And maybe instead of bees, they should be pigeons. And maybe the interviwer should be a barman. In a bar. And the interviewees could just be men. Or a man. Who walks into the bar. With a pigeon. Or maybe a crocodile. liking Ben's joke more |
|
Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
|
09-22-2005 08:36
Heres one id heard before - a joke on the F^%K em theme - - i googled it ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, "F@ck him! give him a dollar." The lady then said, "Breakfast was my idea." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
|
Hiro Queso
503less
Join date: 23 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,753
|
09-22-2005 08:38
From: Colette Meiji Heres one id heard before - a joke on the F^%K em theme - - i googled it ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, "F@ck him! give him a dollar." The lady then said, "Breakfast was my idea." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
|
Hiro Queso
503less
Join date: 23 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,753
|
09-22-2005 10:50
OK a joke with a barman as requested earlier in the thread Apparently this is Ricky Gervais' fave ever joke.... This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.' So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared. He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with $1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish , and I regret saying this now , I'd like half my head to be a big orange.' |
|
Nisa Stravinsky
Danger Mouse
Join date: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 1,238
|
09-22-2005 10:53
From: Hiro Queso OK a joke with a barman as requested earlier in the thread Apparently this is Ricky Gervais' fave ever joke.... This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.' So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared. He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with $1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish , and I regret saying this now , I'd like half my head to be a big orange.' I don't get it....
_____________________
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Will you leave me breathless?"
"I'm beginning to think the human psyche enjoys victimizing itself. " - Sezmra Svarog
"Film critics said I gave a voice to the fear we all have: that we'll reach a certain point in our lives, look around and realize that all the things we said we'd do and become will never come to be -- and that we're ordinary." - Anne Bancroft (2003)
|
|
Vudu Suavage
Feral Twisted Torus
Join date: 27 Jul 2004
Posts: 402
|
09-22-2005 12:02
From: Hiro Queso OK a joke with a barman as requested earlier in the thread Apparently this is Ricky Gervais' fave ever joke.... This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.' So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared. He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with $1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish , and I regret saying this now , I'd like half my head to be a big orange.' ROFLMAO
_____________________
Cthulhu, spiders, and other artfully crafted creatures are available at Gods & Monsters in Zoe, as well as Limbo and Taco.
|
|
Lecktor Hannibal
YOUR MOM
Join date: 1 Jul 2004
Posts: 6,734
|
09-22-2005 12:35
The barman joke re-engineered This guy walks into a pub and his head is really little He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but your head is really little.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.' So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this hot genie appeared. She offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like my little head to be the size of an orange.' So the genie waves her genie hands and suddenly my trousers lump up. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with $1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish , I'd like to have sex with you genie.' And the genie says: ' I'm sorry I cannot grant this wish please make a more acceptable wish.' So i said: .... 'How about a little head???'
_____________________
YOUR MOM says, 'Come visit us at SC MKII http://secondcitizen.net ' From: Khamon Fate Oh, Lecktor, you're terrible. Bikers have more fun than people !
|
|
Ilianexsi Sojourner
Chick with Horns
Join date: 11 Jul 2004
Posts: 1,707
|
09-22-2005 14:00
From: Lecktor Hannibal
'How about a little head???'
*Snort*.... OK, now that's funny! Here's my contribution to the guy-walks-into-a-bar jokes... I had to look this up because I can never remember all the details. -------- A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, 'I bet $50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play.' The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks. Next guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys and starts playing a fantastic jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, 'Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars.' The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts them up, turns them over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner interrupts his pet's concentration, saying, 'What are you messing around for? Hurry up and play it!' The octopus says 'Play it? Huh?!? I was still trying to figure out how to take off her pajamas...'
_____________________
Everything's impossible,'till it ain't. --Ben Hawkins, Carnivale
Help build a Utopian Playland-- www.doctorsteel.com. Music, robots, fun times!
|
|
Hiro Queso
503less
Join date: 23 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,753
|
09-22-2005 14:05
From: Nisa Stravinsky I don't get it.... It's one of those jokes that if exlained would make it no funnier. If you didn't laugh the first time, you wouldn't after the explanation. |
|
Chance Abattoir
Future Rockin' Resmod
Join date: 3 Apr 2004
Posts: 3,898
|
09-22-2005 14:20
From: Ilianexsi Sojourner * The octopus says 'Play it? Huh?!? I was still trying to figure
out how to take off her pajamas...'
Oh... I get it... because the octopus is Scottish, right?
_____________________
"The mob requires regular doses of scandal, paranoia and dilemma to alleviate the boredom of a meaningless existence."
-Insane Ramblings, Anton LaVey
|