What kind of Lindens would you like to see?

I was contemplating quietly in my crib, and I thot to myself:
I put this issue to rest for awhile, but again, it came up in a dream. Hustlah Linden: a Linden who is somewhat of a composite of Judge Mathis, Flava Flav, the Rza, Michio Kaku, Donald Trump, and Pei Mei. Six deadly poisons in one hustlin' package. Ideally, he'd also have the comedic timing of Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie.

Hustlah Linden would be tru 2 tha game. He would keep it street, bust down the false gun analog, and reprazent fo' da peeps. He would advocate for the rights of minorities like Asian-Avatarians and dark-skinned furries, while keepin' a sword on the bigger picture and slicin' away all that wasteful fat (as opposed to "phat". Hustlah would also be the official Community Manager of 3C: Clubs, Casinos, and Commerce and hold monthly meetings with his avatizzles in these joints to keep things real—virtually real!

In addition to those duties, Hustlah would have a platinum-gold, lag-repelling cane, and have a glove with the magical properties of antibling to slap some sense into a simulat0r. And he'd also be a just man, advocatin' for peace between fightin' Mafia families whilst pointin' at the "6 Commandments", drivin' his low-ridah through the sandbox givin' shoutouts to the buildahz of SL, and encouraging honor and prosperity amongst Resis. Infact, he'd come and visit poor membahz and say, "You too, can come from the ghettos of Second Life and succeed like me!"

If I could have a conversation with Hustlah Linden, I'd ask him for three things (possibly more, 3 is an approximate number):

1. no mo' foot shadows
   
2. a Region called Rza
   
3. krumping
   

SO. Question is...

WHAT KIND OF LINDENS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

Fundraiser Linden, Media Linden

Celestial Linden, who would be in charge of all the sims that are not earth simulations. Celestial would always appear suddenly just out of sight, and would disappear in a flash of light. Celestial would understand all, never speak, and would have an appearance at times male, at times female, and at other times in between.

I think we need a Linden who is in charge of knowledge base and assistance regarding primatars. There are so many people whose regular avatars simply don't cut it and have to resort to various attachments.

We could call him SuperSaiyan Linden, but let's be realistic and just admit most of his help would be regarding furries... so... how about "Aslan Linden"?

Janus Linden would have jurisdiction over sim borders, teleportation, and log-ins. He would be fight like a demon to get anything that would be useful for sim crossing, teleportation, and logging-in. He wouldn't have the big picture but would work on details.

Yes, and Janis Linden would dress like a bohemian hippie chick while staging sim-crowding concerts where she'd sing, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lag ..."

Dad Linden would appear anywhere avatars were misbehaving and in the wink of an eye knock their heads together and cut their stipends for the next week. Dad would drive a shiny car and wear brogues. Anyone who made him angry would be very sorry.

Bamboozle Linden would be the joker in the Linden deck. He'd have a crazy laugh and serve no particular purpose, but he'd have lots of jokes and put people in a good mood. He'd do standup once a week.

Considering the recent thread on Age Play, Dad Linden has me very frightened.

FillsinthemanpowerneedforQA Linden

StraightAnswer Linden

UpFront Linden

I don't think that's fair, considering how quickly Lindens respond in emergencies, and the openness at which they post what is going on.

I'd like to see a Linden who's able to get a grip on the awful state their software is in.

No, forget it, that's asking too much.

Pornie Linden

Nuff said.

Hal Linden would work as a detective at the Nova Albion Police Department. The station would only have three walls and a floor. The other detectives he works with would include Fish Linden, Dietrich Linden & Wojciehowicz Linden. The coffee would be really bad but they wouldn't be able to stop raising the cup to their lips. They would cover the Grignano, Miramare, Barcola and Sistiana boroughs as well as the Luna Shopping area.

Gardener Linden would put nice greenery and bushes and things along the roads and do makeovers on horrible gardens. Also prune overhanging trees and plant proper growing/season-changing plants.

Primfinder Linden would locate litter on your land, identify the culprit/crash victim and deal out an appropriate response.

Escort Linden stands in for when all your friends are offline or busy and you don't want to go somewhere on your own. You get company, good conversation, maybe a dinner and dance, and, if you're lucky, rumpy-pumpy.

I have 2 words for you: Bub Linden

RoboCop Linden.

Enforcing the TOS with indiscriminate justice. With a mindful eye for IP fraud.

ICanReallyCodeHavok2 Linden
ICanFixOnePointSevensProblems Linden
SpaghettiCode Linden

Pervy Linden, who would wear an old mackintosh with nothing underneath, and would represent the interests of all we old perves in sl.

Terrible Linden would appear out of nowhere and banninate residents for no reason.

Vladimir Linden would fight for the rights of all SL artists, scripters and workers and ensure even distribution of resources available to all.

CapableOfPretestingUpgradesCompetently Linden

In the early days of Second Life, there were many injustices dealt the people by evil Lindens. Only one man opposed them, he was garbed in black and his name was.....Zorro Linden!

We need a "Devil'sAdvocate Linden", who can come into the forums and support/agree with us when we say things are broken. Maybe even a "ChickenLittle Linden" or "Eeyore Linden" who can take it a step further.

Eeyore Linden : Not that anyone cares, you're probably all tiering down and playing World of Warcraft now anyways... But they wanted me to tell you that they know it's still broken and it will get fixed when it gets fixed... if we can fix it. And that's a big "if"...

Ranma or Ryuoga Linden - Just because I would never get tired of having a Linden that would turn into a different form if splashed with hot or cold water.

We already have a "Pony Linden", but I think a "Pony-Keg Linden" should swoop down for a week or two when ever a new update comes out to make sure we're all too buzzed to care about anything that the update may have broken.


"Anarchy Linden", "Loki Linden", "Trickster Linden" - or "Bamboozle Linden" - I am quite sure one permutation of this already exists. And he/she is responsible for quirky things such as "prim drift", sneaking into my stores as soon as I log off and turning the "for sale" flag off on random items, and calculating dwell.