Refusing a friend request

If someone offers me a friendship request that I need to refuse for any reason, I have 2 options, decline or ignore. Both of these will close the request window without adding us to each other's friend lists, but does clicking one button or the other make any difference as to what the requester sees? Does clicking one button result in a "nicer" or more polite refusal than the other?

That's a good question, and one that I'm now curious to know the answer to. I imagine that Decline sends a message that you've declined it, and that Ingore just closes the box without sending any message, but that's just what I imagine.

Shows how much I know - I didn't know there was an ignore option on the friend request; only the accept or decline.

That being said, the only SL "ettiquette" site I've found was an unofficial site, but quite a good one by an SL resident. I think that's something that should be posted and made more apparent for newbies. Well, I take that back. SL has some, but I guess few read it

Of course - it's the smaller Ignore button at the bottom right of the box. That surely must close the box without any action being taken - like the Ignore button in every scripted dialogue box. But I'd still like to know for sure.

An alternative is to go ahead and accept the friendship and then purge it a little later. That's the non-confrontational way that some will find smarmy and others will find courteous. You will never please everyone.

I've just done a little test. neither button sends a message to the person who requested your friendship. Only the Accept button send a message - of acceptance.

Unless it's someone too new to know any better, I automatically decline, with a polite explanation, any friendship offers from someone who's not had the manners first to ask, "may I add you?".

Though this still leaves me with the problem of what to say to people who actually do ask, of course.

What i say:
"I'm sorry, the way SL is set up the more calling cards you have the slower it works so I make it a policy only to accept friend requests from people I know more. Here is my calling card though."

If the person you purge later is using emerald they will get the box and 'ting' come up centre screen telling you they have disolved the friendship .. like the box you get when people revoke your mod permissions. Not sure that is politer than quietly declining in the first place.

One of the things I've experienced personally is that the viewer I use, lets you know when you've been unfriended. I'm not yet sure about the decline or ignore feature of the friend request, however.

As far as making a decision to accept or decline, I have found that, if someone is fairly new, they are not yet going to know or understand that some of the older residents don't like to accept friendship right off the bat or that one should ask first. (I've never asked someone in RL if they would be my friend, at least, not since kindergarten...it just kinda happens!) If you have chatted briefly with someone (no, i don't accept random requests if the person hasn't at least said 'hi, how are you" you don't know if the relationship will blossom into friendship until you talk more and maybe have some get-togethers. I don't see the harm in adding them to your friends list early on and, if it doesn't seem right, that you're not talking or whatever, remove them later.

I feel that too many residents (both new and old) apply way too much weight to that little button and the friends list. We do not become bound at the hip when we accept a friendship offer nor does it mean we are already best buds or that the person must stay on that list forever. It just makes it easier to continue chatting at another time, building the relationship. I don't feel like searching through a sea of calling cards to find that person when I want to say hello or whatever. Yes, my list has some on it whom I don't speak with but on rare occasions and others with whom I speak daily and hold in my heart as dear friends.

But, that's just me!

So, you're showing them that it's ok to slow them down? To me, that just seems a way to say "hey, if you really want to be my friend, you'll chase me down...and, if after a few attempts, I think you're worthy, I'll add you." But that's just MHO.

I usually accept random friendships and then remove them a day or two later if I don't hear anything from them.

I make folders inside my system calling cards folder: Real Friends, Club owners, Store owners, Useless Newbies etc. Guess which one the friends invites from people who never even said hello goes in? That way I don't have to be mean to newbies and turn down their invites. I just periodically flush the useless folder.

It would be nice if you could make categories in the actual friends list (the one that shows who is online), instead of just one big undifferentiated list.

ditto

"Thank you, I am flattered, but I am trying to keep my friends list small."


[ETA]
Friendship requests that are offered without a word get rejected without a word.

LOL - I don't want your calling card cuz it will slow me down, but here is mine to help slow you down.

This is pretty much the way I do it.

QFT.

I used to do the accept-then-purge, but now do the decline with why. "I'm sorry, I don't accept friend requests until I know someone better." No one has gotten offended at that (to my knowledge ) and gives my reason.

Some people...I have no idea why, and they're not always new to SL, seem to just kind of "spam" friendship in a gathering without even having said a word to the people. Where I have experienced this is being in a class and about halfway through someone drops in, doesn't say anything in public chat and, at least to me, nothing in IM and I get a friend request. When I've been with my partner he says he just got one too. Then I will say my usual statement publicly so the instructor is aware. Generally the person stays about 3-5 minutes and leave. The only thing that comes to mind is trying to gather a calling card list to spam invitations to something.

In general I decline friendship offers that are unannounced or appear to be random....just as I do join group requests. Sometimes I get requests for friendship from people in a group I'm in that I've helped in the past.......those I tend to accept but will remove in a few days if no further contact is made. I don't feel it's necessary to apoligize for declining or removing anyone from my friend's list.

Thank you Phil.

Am I the only one that just tells people No! You suck! Get away from me or I'll shoot you in both knees! Die die die!?

Probably

I feel obliged to accept most of the Add requests that I receive because they occur in my store - from customers who I am talking with. But, from time to time, I purge those who didn't become friends. I was interested to know the answer to the OP's question because I'd assumed that the one who invited me will be told that I declined it. Even so, no message at all means the same thing, so it doesn't make any difference.

No, I am telling them the problem of friending too many people and giving them my calling card with that warning. It is up to them if they want to keep it and accept the slow down but it does not affect my speed. When you are a mentor you get a *lot* of noobies wanting to friend everyone in sight, so you need some sort of a policy to deal with the situation.

What I have been doing lately is giving them an object I created. They can open up the creator profile on it if they want to reach me.

I never decline a friendship offer.

I am a merchant in SL. I want customer and potential customers to be able to contact me easily. Simple as that. It is no bother for me to have them friend me, and makes life easy for them as they know exactly when I come online.

It also has the added bonus of many of them have become real friends in time too

So anyone who wants to chat to me - friend me, I don't mind, lol

you know I remember when they put in the calling card thing. TO this day I have never bothered to figure it out. I don't offer friendship unless its genuine offer. I don't accept friend offers from folks I don't know at all. Simple rule set and has worked for 5 years.