Strange encounter

I was chatting happily to someone I bumped into on a piece of empty land and they asked what gender I was in RL. I said I never tell and I never ask, on principle. He seemed to take exception to this and walked off explaining that he couldn't deal with bullshitters. Yet he was not a newbie, he'd been in SL longer than me. I checked his profile and he uses SL to promote RL artwork he does.

The obvious next question after one's disclosed one's gender is 'do you really look like you do in SL?', assuming one looks like a realistic human, that is.

I think there is an interesting study waiting to be done on the way RLs view their avatars, regardless of whether they resemble them or not. Some obviously see them as extensions of themselves, others see them more as virtual friends that they can control, while yet others see them merely as a necessary tool for the 'serious' business of SL like building, selling stuff or land dealing.

However, I guess the one question that is completely taboo, off-limits and no-no, is to ask in SL is: "do you have any alts, and if so, what are their names? LOL

Weird...I just treat people as the gender they're portraying, unless they tell me differently. I think the only person I ever asked was my sweetie and even then it was done in a semi-joking manner after we'd known each other for a while. *shrug*

I think it is interesting that he considered his intrusive questions perfectly appropriate, yet took offense to your civilized reply, which even Miss Manners would applaud as the perfect response.

Oh well, that's people for ya.

I've only had to deal with that a little bit concerning other RL things, but not gender yet. It suprises me, although it shouldn't, that people are A)put off that you won't share and B)just assume if you won't tell them that your avatar is a "lie" somehow. Oh well.

I'm confused... what did it matter to him? Pffft.. I wouldn't have told him either. I really hate that R/L question avenue that some people try to drag you down

You were very polite Conifer, more than I would have been I think.

It's just the gateway question to the harder ones

Next comes asl? and got a mic? pic?

As for alts, don't ask, don't tell hehehe

I agree... thats the holy grail baby!

There was a book written by Robbie Cooper some time back where he photographed a number of people in RL and their avatars. I believe it was even exhibited in SL.

Not a scientific study to be sure, but certainly interesting. Details of the book can be found here:

http://www.alteregobook.com/AlterEgoUSA.pdf


The BBC carried some of his pictures that can be found here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/04/technology_gamers_and_their_avatars/html/1.stm

Well, I think alot of people are in SL to find that special "someone". Alot of people have "lovers" in SL they've never met in real life. I personally don't do any sort of cyber, so it doesnt really matter either way to me what the real gender is. Still, a friend of mine mentioned the other day that he was a man, yet projected female with his avatar and name. I was taken back a bit by this, but just a bit. I think one feels "lied to" indirectly. As far as RL goes... alot of people have issues about telling people about their real life. I never have. I tell people all the time where I'm from, not that I'm handing out my address, but I tell them the state I live in, my age, and although I've never been asked, I would have no problem telling them my gender. Others are strongly against "mixing" SL with RL. Personally, I feel role playing should be left to role playing sims, and in any non role playing sim/situation, people should project what they are in real life, but that's just me. Others think differently, and that's ok, because their SL is their SL, and they should be left to experience it as they wish. So, I dont hold anything against anyone who projects differently than RL...

Regarding alts - I don't even know if my RL has any - I don't ask - as long as I get to stay in SL as MEEE and keep my L$ and property I don't care! What I do say is that I don't use any different avs in my name, just different clothes or hairstyles consistent with my physical appearance. The only exception is my plastic dancing bear costume - but that is just a costume and it gets **blinking** hot inside too, I can tell you!!!!

As far as I'm concerned. . .cyber is just one more game adults play in Sl. Not all that different than dancing, gambling or or any of the other things we do for fun. With that in mind, and with the attitude that "I'm never going to meet any of these people in RL anyway." I couldn't have cared less if it WAS a guy--so long as he played "girl" real well.

Then I heard (third hand) of a middle aged woman who was appalled to learn her paramour was a 14 yo boy, and quit the game.

I thought about it. . .and and decided that if the roles had been reversed and MY best beloved turned out to be a 14 yo girl (me being a middle aged man.) Who would believe me if I (truthfully) claimed I didn't know?

I decided to be a LOT more cautious.

And since then, we've been inundated with teens, and ageplay has become an issue. Apparently my caution was a good idea.

I have NO problem with voice at all. (Not to be off topic.)

I don't believe that's necessarily true, but here's a novel idea...get to know someone as a person before hopping on any pose balls. Develop some trust and maybe they'll spill enough RL that you won't HAVE to ask. I've known my sweetie for almost a year, but we were just friends for the first two months and the friendship is still the most important part of our relationship...like I said, I asked him once or twice as a joke, but I already knew enough about his RL by the time I did to be quite sure of what the answer was.

Oh, and there IS a difference between asking someone you've known a while and asking someone you met 5 minutes ago.

The only time I'd think asking about someone's gender would be somewhat warranted would be if there was some personal relationship developing. I've actually RL known some people that got burnt by this with SL relationships. It's trippy to say the least!

Otherwise I'd prefer not to know anything about your RL if I'm interracting with you in SL. I don't hide who I am IRL but I also don't care about anonymity as much as some do. I'm not in SL to make RL relationships (even though that has happened a couple times). I'm there to build and destroy. Most of my building friends feel the same way about it so it's cool.

Voice chat is different, though, and I've forged a couple RL-compatible friendships with people through voice already. You can ACTUALLY tell if they're bullshitters that way!

But yeah, dude was an intrusive dick. Don't sweat it. You most likely wouldn't have liked his company anyway!

I have never asked sex, as far as I am concerned they are what their AV is.

Age, it usually comes up I seldom ask first, but will return the question if asked.

Location, this I will ask, just out of making conversation. It can lead to the "Hey I have been there or Wow nice place" comments. Pretty harmless in the grand scheme of things.

If I know the person a little I might ask what they do for a living, again simple conversation.

If someone doesn't want to answer...... no skin off my nose.

I do have alts, people I trust know who they are. They are the same age and live in roughly the same area as I do.

Anybody who judges you because you won't give them your RL info when you meet them for the first time is probably missing the whole point of SL.

On a first five minutes of acquaintance i wont give any personal information out ... and i feel it's intrusive to ask questions like that straight off, as if its a questionnaire and if you don't tick all the right boxes. they then will walk away. For me the internet and all the platforms on it level the playing field between humans of all types and i don't need to hear that i am too old or the wrong sex or on the wrong continent, or even be made to feel that way.

I don't ask for this type of information.. I am not going to f**k the person in the first five minutes anyway, so i don't need to know if he is 14 years old (although i would report it if he gave off that impression in any serious way, just to make that clear).

There has been long discussion about the 'asl' question here, so i wont go further into it, but i don't like it.. its bad netiquette, and i am a bit old-school in that regard.
I take people as i find them until i have reason to think them other than what they purport to be.

After a longer acquaintance i would offer and perhaps expect in return, some personal info. But i wouldn't push it if they didn't want to give it.

I don't look anything like my avatar, but the gender is right. (Other people switching gender doesn't bother me unless its done to hurt and deceive.) I find a large percentage of guys say their avatar looks very like what they appear in real life. They say it as if its some sort of virtue. I find that most women don't try to look like their real life selves, and since i don't either then i don't have a problem with that.

What puzzles me, and makes me uneasy, are the guys (nearly always guys) who try to make their avatar as ugly and lumpen and deformed as they possibly can. Usually they are mostly naked except for some sort of nappy type garment.. I have seen a few of these in my time here.. and it puzzles me.. and i feel uncomfortable around them, and in my experience, they are usually presenting an unpleasant personality too.. either ignoring you or being rude. If anyone can explain this in any way i would find it interesting to understand.

Imogen

I think you just answered your own question.

I guess... <FX> light goes on over head>. Just unpleasant people wanting to be as unpleasant as they can...
Sigh
I guess...

Imogen

I don't mind responding that I am female. It the two questions that usually follow that bother the heck out of me:

"Are you as pretty as your avatar?" and "Are you seeing anyone?"

To the first one, I reply "Give me just a moment while I remove the big hairy wart that is blocking my vision.." My husband choked when I said that one around him.

He really choked when I then responded to the other question with, "And why yes, I am! See that pretty young thing next to me? Well, she's my RL husband!" If he's not around, my response defaults to, "Well, you're standing in front of me, so I guess I'm seeing you."

My normal response to silly questions is...

"I've tried to make my av as close as possible to my rl appearance. Two arms, two legs, a body and a head."

They either think think i'm a complete smartarse and walk away, or they laugh and realise it's doesnt really matter and begin to have a real conversation.

Yep. Spend a little time around newbie-arrival areas like Helper Island and listen-in: It always starts out "Where ya from?" But ya know, what else can they find as common-ground for conversation, till they've been in-world a while?

It's when this persists that one has to question their perception of SL.

... and then follows the question: What could we as residents do better, to help them "get it" sooner?

(Yes, no doubt there are lost causes, and the "virtual demographics" may be askew with the "baby boom" of past months. But that's the hand we're dealt.)

My Sl avi doesn't do me justice.

This is an interesting thread. I'd like to see a study of people and their avatars as well, and how the av itself may affect behavior.

The avatar I wear the most is an idealized version of RL me - younger and more svelt. I never had a six pack in RL except in the fridge. But nonetheless it's kind of like me. In this avatar I behave a lot like my real life self - that is a bit reserved, stand off-ish, introverted, and looking unintentionally unapproachable. Needless to say I get as little attention in SL as in RL even though the AV is kind of glamorous in a nerdy metrosexual sort of way. Most everyone else is kind of glamorous too. So really your personality is all that sets you apart. (I'm fine with this - I'm not necessarily seeking attention.)

The weird thing is, when I wear a different av or when using my alt, I can behave completely differently - sometimes almost being the life of the party in ways that would be uncomfortable and very draining if I tried them in real life. When the other avs or my alt walk into a place -- complete strangers often start IM'ing. It is a very strange phenomenon to me!

I guess what I'm meandering to say is - whereas I like myself just fine in RL, I already have that. Why not be something else in SL at least part of the time? And why drag your RL into it and break the spell? More importantly, I think it's rude to force other's real lives into it.

Weston

No explanation, but I did run across one of the above... he was hideous, and his name was "Kid Killer" which was pretty alarming... I scooted as quickly as I could.

I put my A/S/L in my profile. I never ask people for those stats, though, because I don't care. The only time RL information is ever pertinent to me is if I suspect I'm being manipulated by alts, in which case I don't ask anyway- I just quietly take notes.

I don't mind sharing age, sex, or general location- but if it's one of the first things someone asks that's usually an indication that the individual's not somebody I'm going to like anyway. I just answer politely and move on.

To the OP: Frankly I think you dodged a bullet. Someone who'd behave like that fella on a chance meeting has got to be immature, insecure, or both.