IMs and you

I'm in the office. Jerry, one of my supervisors walks in to talk about a project we're working on, and as he sits in front of my desk I'm thinking "This is like an IM". We IM for a bit, both chatting at the same time but we're getting some things ironed out. We say "LOL" and "LMAO" a lot. He only says "AFK" once, even though he's not really at a keyboard.

The phone rings. It's Joyce wanting to go over my last report. So now I'm IMing her at the same time Jerry is talking to me. Jerry now gets 50% of my attention but he doesn't know I'm on the phone with Joyce (work with me here). Joyce is saying "ur" instead of "your" and "ic" instead of "I see." I can tell by the tone of her voice.

Secretary buzzes me. "Jane's on line 1. She wants to schedule that business lunch on Thursday." I don't have to put Joyce on hold, of course. I have an unlimited number of chat tabs on my phone so I say "hi" to Jane and we start arranging a lunch while I'm also IMing Jerry and Joyce. I'm fixated on the chat tabs, clicking the one that is blinking while the others type their answers. They are now each getting 33% of my time.

*beep* Bob IMs me. I met him at a convention last week and we really hit it off. He's yummy as hell and runs his own consulting firm. "Hello baby," I say while Jerry's sitting there listening. I look at Jerry, "Mmmmmmmmmmmmm baby," I say. Jerry gets a shocked look on his face. "Let's go try out my new poseballs," I blurt before thinking.

"WTF is a poseball?" Jerry asks, his face pale and sweaty.

"Uh. Sorry. Wrong window. Need to relog, AFK BRB L8R" I say just before evaporating into a swirl of particles. Maybe he didn't notice my embarrassment.

In RL, all of my IMing (to continue the metaphor) is sequential. I do not chat simultaneously with several people -- I even consider it rude if I check email on my PC while they're sitting there talking to me. But in SL it's all concurrent. There is no anatomically possible way to juggle more than a handful of IMs, yet on a given night I have had as many as 10 or 12 blinking on my chat window. Some of them get annoyed when I don't answer, or try manipulative things like "Oh, guess you're too busy to talk to me, I'll just leave." In RL they would be put on hold or told to call back. Or they would see that I'm busy in a conversation and would politely wait for me to finish. In SL, I try to say, "Hi, need a sec ok?" and then get back to them once the main IM convo has died down. Sometimes they've already logged off before that happens. *shrug*

What's my point? I dunno. Who needs points. IMs wear me out. I spend more of my SL time responding to them than I do actually accomplishing stuff. It's such a central part of the world, however, this is NOT a complaint. I love chatting with my friends and I love chatting with new people to get to know them. (Maybe they'll turn out to be Bob). But if you can't see the flood of IMs on my screen (or the notecard I'm writing for someone's business, or the inventory screens I have open that black out my UI) then please, don't take my lack of immediate response personally. I don't have a secretary in SL.

this is a very good point -

Actually exactly this sort thing is precisely what some people dont get. Perhaps they dont get as busy as you might in IMS, or they have vastly more playing time.

Reguardless they feel slighted if you dont spend huge amounts of your time chatting with them in IM.

I had a friend make a point out of canceling our friendship becuase I "make no effort". We spend an hour IMing back and forth and dancing at a club only a week before. And have known each other for months.

Since when are your required to have hour long IM sessions with someone Daily in order to stay friends?

I can totally relate to this. I always make a point of explaining to my tenants that I do get a LOT of IMs, and that although they will always get a reply, it may not be immediate.

RL also comes into this. I had to explain to a friend of mine RL that when I am in the middle of a conversation with someone in SL, I can't simply just leave the keyboard in the middle of that conversation, nor can I give them my full attention when they are talking 'at' me when I am in the middle of something in SL.

This bugs the crap out of me aswell... "its only a game bla bla bla" YES!! They are real people Im talking to though >

I totally understand. I cant handle two sequential conversations, let alone 5. Maybe its a guy thing, but I tend to have so many things running through my back-brain that I can only really give one person attention. I tend to be pretty forgiving about people not getting back to me(nexus, you still owe me two minutes of land management ) and try to clearly spell out to people when Im occupied that I will get to them when I can. Do the best you can, and if people cant handle the fact that you're being bombarded, then theres one less person to bug you the next time

In my early days online in IRC and on Compuserve, this problem was already manifesting itself. Some people don't seem to be able to put things in perspective in terms of anything but themselves. It pre-dates SL and will no doubt continue in Twentieth Life one day. I have to keep reminding myself that people bring their insecurities online, and that those insecurities can even be magnified.

"They're not answering me so I'm going to take it personally."

It's NOT about them, unless I ask their help lining up my poseballs

LOL I got a similar response. My reply was - well you wouldn't have a problem with this if I was talking on the phone, would you? So what's the defference?

Yes! That bugs me too - people who are physically THERE with you totally discounting people on IM with you. It's almost like they don't get the connection that there is a real person on the other end of that little chat window that it'd be equally rude to ignore. What, you think I spend all day talking to a fscking eliza bot or something?

But the amount of people that get indignant when you say 'just a minute - I'm in the middle of a conversation'. They wouldn't do it when you're on the phone - why the hell is text different?

yes, this of course is exactly right - its an internet peoblem, not just Second life. And seems that the more people are isolated on the internet the bigger risk it is they lose persepctive.

I had wished i had chat logging feature to show i talked to this friend in amount of time within the top 10% of of all my friends. Becuase its true - I talk to TWO people on a daily basis only. I talked to her as much as anyone thats not one of those 2.

But you shouldn't have to Colette, fueling your friends need for proof is not going to help them with their insecurity problems

In most chat programs you can make yourself 'invisible' or set messages that show you are busy at the moment - and to individuals not the whole group you know.
This would be a great feature for SL.

You can set a busy mode, and the message that is displayed when someone IMs you. Not so good for open chat tho.

LOL. Well, it's actually an interesting thought

Even if it was a case of just a personally accessible list of stats, it really would be interesting to see!

Today you have spent: 4 hrs 10 minutes responding to IMs.

Of that, you have spent:

40% of that time responding to Xavier Foo (120 seperate responses)
30% of that time responding to Zander Avatar (94 seperate responses)

etc.

Actually, on second thoughts, it would probably just be plain scary to know the truth

True.. but then everyone gets that message.
I'm thinking of something more selective than that...

check boxes for the following 4 groups:

* Like people who don't have your calling card all get busy message... and maybe an IM drop box for messages
* People who have your calling card
* People who are your "friends"
* Groups you are in

I like that idea

this is absolutely needed.

I had one friend who liked to TP to me on the map and come find me .. without IM'ing first


She musta walked in on me and a lover 3 or 4 times.

never got the hint that it might happpen again ... *rolls eyes*

Anyone who maps me like that gets their card cancelled straight away. Some people just don't get it.

maybe she enjoys finding you in compromising situations?

I like that, Camille. But we're still waiting for a way to simply Mute Group IMs, to cut down on the event spam without actually leaving a group.

(Of course the flip side is that I've left a lot of groups because of event spam, and I *still* have run out of groups)

PS -- Any group IM that starts with "Woot" immediately jeopardizes that group's chances of retaining me as a member.

weird thing is she seemed embarased each time lol

Woot ^^



=pPPpP

For me, I treat IMs exactly as what they are - Instant Messages.

Sort of like dropping someone a quick email or leaving a brief message on their answering machine.

Most of the ppls I pal around with understand that I do NOT in anyway shape or form consider IMs an alternative chatting method.

If you want to have a conversation with me - you gotta come and and do it face to face. Aside from the quick conversations where you are passing information back and forth - those take all of 2 minutes, I really can't stand yammering away in IMs.

Specially when I've already got a current conversation going in my immediate vicinity, or I'm trying to build, host an event or whatever. The other thing that peeves me out is people IMing me when I'm standing right next to them

OK so I'm wierd - but guess what? My life is pretty IM blah blah free what do you know? Just lay down some rules, enforce them with bitchyness and see what happens. Hope that helps
kthxgbye

No, what would be actually scary is to use this as a measure of how long you've been on SL that day I know, I need to get a FIRST LIFE!!

We totally need like a "stealth mode" like Yahoo Messenger has. (omg there I go sounding all Valley Girl)
There are times when I want IM's from certain people and not others...a lot of us are BUSY people in SL and there is nothing worse than having someone IM you and thinking you are mad at them cause you don't respond right away cause they don't realize you are trying to handle 2500 other SL and RL things at the same time.