Airwolf!

Listen to this guy's Spoken Word stuff, it's funny as hell!

http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/Airwolf-Ernie_Cline.mp3

Here's the text of the above link:

"Airwolf
by Ernest Cline

At the dawn of the Paleolithic Period
when the first humans left their caves,
mastered the secrets of fire,
and start making tools with which to hack civilization out of the wilderness-
This was mankind’s first, tiny step towards an unseen, singular goal that would take millennia to achieve.

The centuries that we spent devising
physics, mathematics, chemistry, engineering, metallurgy –
All of our combined knowledge and technological advancements as a species were to finally culminate in the creation of a machine of such flawless beauty that it now clearly stands out as human civilization’s crowning achievement:

Airwolf.

In 1984 the world’s most brilliant scientists and engineers were assembled in secret for the sole purpose of constructing the world’s most advanced
Mach One Plus attack helicopter.
This would be more than just an instrument of war.
It would be a work of art.
And no expense was spared in this, mankind's boldest endeavor to date.
The original De Vinci parchments were consulted.
Extrapolations were made.
Fifth generation Swiss craftsmen were flown in merely to construct the dashboard.

There was painstaking attention to detail.

And upon its completion,
those present were unable to do anything
but stand and marvel
in wonder and in awe
at the sleek, black aerodynamic perfection . . .
that was Airwolf.

And I know there are voices of dissent shouting,
"What about Blue Thunder? What about Knight Rider?"
Fuck Blue Thunder.
Fuck Michael Knight!

Airwolf.

Airwolf is the adjective we should use to describe anything
of majesty, beauty, and intensity.
Something that is simply fucking bad ass . . . is Airwolf.
James Brown's music is Airwolf.
Shakespeare is Airwolf.
Sex so good it makes your spine ache and your knees buckle. . .
That's Airwolf.

And nothing is more Airwolf than Airwolf.

Airwolf is the Holy Grail. The Golden Fleece.
The thing you want that you cannot have.
When you go sprinting through the Mall
desperate to fill the emptiness in your life
through the purchase of name brand clothing and electronics-
You will never achieve satisfaction.
Because the one brand name you really want
is the one you can never have.
Airwolf?
Oh, I’m sorry, we're all sold out.
That item was only available for a very limited time
and in very limited supply.
One.

And only one man stepped forward to purchase it.
String Fellow Hawk!
And he bought it for the bargain basement price
of having the solid brass balls to steal it from the US government,
when, in their hubris, they were foolish enough to ask him to be the test pilot!

You don’t ask a guy with a name like String Fellow Hawk
to fly your top-secret black helicopter.
Why?
Because he is obviously going to steal it!
He's obviously a prototypical American anti-hero,
for fuck's sake!
He lives in the mountains.
He plays the cello.
His name is String Fellow Hawk.
He cannot be trusted.
He's not gonna use Airwolf to execute American foreign policy.
He's going to keep it for himself.

Which is exactly what you would do.

Walking out to your back yard to stare at it every night around sunset.
The sight of it filling you such peace and resonant satisfaction
that you would come to believe the perfect haiku
would have just two syllables: Airwolf."

Airwolf was good, but I think Dance Monkey, Dance has to be the best. When I heard it I was one damn envious monkey that I didnt think of that first

The Geek Wants Out is pretty damn good too!

and if you are over 30, you will enjoy this
castigation of todays youth

listening now Artillo.

Thanks for such a great link!

That's so... Airwolf!

Yes! Ernie Cline's work is fantastic, and "Dance, Monkeys, Dance" is easily his best!

Somebody actually made a little flash animation that goes along to DMD. It makes this piece even more hilarious:

http://www.christopherleestreet.com/ftp/random/dance_monkeys_dance.swf

We can also trace the lineage of airwolf's technological beauty into today's crappy shows by analyzing characters... Ernest BORGNINE copiloted Airwolf two decades ago... and BORG 7 of NINE copiloted dork fantasies in Voyager, more recently than we'd like to admit.

I think I'm getting the picture now. Anyone with "It," has Airwolf. Now if only someone can translate Airwolf into Hebrew...

*cough* When I was a kid, I had on my bedroom wall a poster of Jan-Michael Vincent posing with the Airwolf helicopter... *cringe*

You are demented. He is so creepy.

well, yeah, he's creepy now. But he wasnt so creepy then, before the accident.., plus he piloted Airwolf, man!

oh, and I didnt get the "It" and hebrew reference, sorry for my limited mental capacity care to explain? if it is totally obvious, and I need to try harder, just give me a

thanks, Champie

Yeah, I know that now. I used to have some sort of fixation for "mysterious" and "enigmatic" men; after dating a few men of that type as a young adult, I came to realize that those two adjectives were often just a nice way of saying "creepy." Live and learn.

"It" == sex appeal. A la the "It girl" label bestowed on the hot girl of the moment in Hollywood, dating back to silent films and still used at times today.

I mentioned Hebrew because Airwolf is God and I wanted to know how the Lord's name is spoken. Of course, His true name can't really be spoken, so in Hebrew it would probably translate to something like "the holy chopper of vengeance whose name is forgotten" or something. The star of David is really a helipad, look at the design for God's sake!

I think sometimes I automatically assume everyone will know exactly what I'm thinking when I go off on tangents. Maybe I should just not explain anything next time so the Mossad doesn't come looking for me.

One of the raddest things about Airwolf, for me anyway, was the theme song. Melodic and daring, angular and caring, it really made sense. Including the Commodore 64 rendition, which was a lo-fi gem unto itself too.

There is a player available online that plays Commodore 64 songs in their original format. I used to have it on my computer about seven or eight OS installations ago, but I've forgotten the name of the player and the file extension of the songs. You can probably find it. It also has a speed control, so you can blast the songs into hyperspeed if you want. I thought it was a pretty neat little player.

EDIT: Oh... and it seems to me that it also had an enhancement that allowed it interpret the songs into stereo too. At least, I don't think I'm dreaming that part up.

Oddly enough, I recall one episode of Airwolf in which data from an aerial survey was saved on a blank CD... in 1984! Interesting BSing of modern tech that was actually ahead of its time.

That was just a tiny vinyl

That format is SID, and here is a URL so you can experience the tunes in all their tri-voice glory:

http://www.back2roots.org/Get/WinAmp%20SidAmp%20Plugin%2C2/ <- newer
http://www.ndh.net/home/ng/download/sidamp.zip <- older

Would you believe SID stands for Sound Interface Device? Yes indeed.

PS. Also, here are some SID files: http://www.hvsc.c64.org/

I believe the Hebrew for Airwolf would be (approximately) "Ruazeff" or Ruaziv".

Jan Michael Vincent might be a nasty, corrupted, 60 year old drunk, now, but thirty years ago, now, he was something else, again. Rent a copy of "The Undefeated" or "Baby Blue Marine" or anything up to that endless long turkey of a miniseries, "The Winds of War". The man could act on a good day and he was major eye candy.

Thank you, gene. You are God.

But not quite airwolf? Well, I tried...

I just downloaded every SID on that site.

Every time I wonder what to do, I ask, "What Would Airwolf Do?"

I have a WWAD bracelet I keep with me to remind me of my faith.

forget airwolf i want macgyver who can make a bomb out of tin foil, floss and some tomato soup!