I've re-thought my views on bringing back the draft!

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.



The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the U. S. REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES (USRSF). These Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee and North & South Carolina boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following five facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK.

You are responsible for the mess on my computer screen

You're welcome. Please see Rose Karuna for reimbursement limited to keyboards.

Only keyboards??? What about my COFFEE?!?!?! Who's going to think of the COFFEE???

She may be covering coffee now but my bet is on green tea only! (hippie reference obligatory)

Hmph, I demand a full refund! and some granola for the pain and suffering





waitaminute.... granola IS pain and suffering

Nice one, Leck. Had to read that one to a couple people, and someone wants to put it on their blog.

One correction, though...



Those 2 sessions last 11 1/2 hours each.

HAH! I need the addy to that blog again. CRS ya know?

But they'd spend all their time disagreeing with each other about DIY and sports, and imagine how long it would take to get a map read. "No, Baghdad was *that* way, second left at the last IED. And you welded that armor plate on the Hummer completely wrong. Also, the Yankees suck."

YAY BOSOX!! Errr that was last year huh?

Hell, I don't know about your funny American sports...

Two things. First, your combatants are not animals to be hunted. They are human beings exactly like you and me. Second, women also serve in the armed forces so it won't just be the "boys".

~Ulrika~

Did somebody say something?

Right, because Lecktor was absolutely serious and literal.

Unfortunately for the US gubment, most 35 yr olds are smart enough to realize absorbing bullets in a combat zone for less than minimum wage is not a good way to make a living. Especially for "projecting American values abroad" type causes like Iraq, Vietnam, Korea, Somalia and other places where Americans have died NOT defending America.

35 yr olds would be cagy enough to procure nukes and end the war in an afternoon so they can go back to watching the game. They tend to resent being pawns in some politician's chessgame, the dumb ones likely as not died pretty young in a hail of bullets and glory, as much good it did them.

Being 40 and disabled due to combat I resent this post.
I need at least two good mushroom clouds before going back to the game. History proves this takes at least 3 good afternoons with high cloud cover.

I love it!

Especially this part:

"Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?""

coco

I think the minimum draft age should be, oh, 55 or so.

The old men who send young men off to fight would be rather less enthused at the prospect of war then, I imagine.

I doubt it you see, I'm a middle aged man now with combat disabled veteran status and I joined at 18. Sorry to shoot holes in your theory.

35 is old?
.
.
.
*starts to protest then gets distracted by the sports car commercial*

Er...

man what?


That doesn't shoot holes in jack shit, Lecktor.

Good show Lecktor!

Thought it was hilarious.

I liked it!

And since "women in the military" was brought up- we shoud allow women in combat.

Imagine how quickly the Insurgents would surrender when subjected to 24/7 whining and/or bitching, pedicures, fuzzy things decorating toilet seats, feminine hygine products, and "The View".

Researchers said before that women who live together have their menstrual cycles synchronize with each other. So now imagine a platoon of PMS'ing women! Insurgents surrender in 10 seconds!

LOL, Tod!

coco

I am shocked and offended by this response... I don't watch "those bitchy women who can't seem to get along no matter what" and I don't have toilet lid warmers either




P.S. and men whine just as much as women if not more... neener neener neeeeener