If you were President..

If I was President the first thing I would do is hire prostitutes to do any negotiating. 2nd would be to legalize drugs...since prohibition you don't see people shooting each other over a bottle of whiskey. And finally...any illegals coming over the border would be given LSD and forced to watch all episodes of Saved by the Bell...I think that should solve the problem

What would you do?

I would ask one of my federal judges to force Google to give me all of their search criterion and read them in a vicarious sexual frenzy.

Oh, wait.

I'd pass a law limiting the the amount of money a CEO is allowed to make compared to the lowest paid worker at the corporation to something like 500%. If the CEO is making millions, the dude in the mail room is gonna be rich too.

Hmmmmm
Yeah, spinner, Id legalise drugs, except marijuana.....




.... it would be made compulsory.

If I were President I'd imprison the Impeach Bush guy, just in case he turned on me next.

I don't want to be President. I would be either a Giant Douche or a Turd Sandwich .

Remember when Jessie was hooked on diet pills and missed the SAT and then later was singing "I'm so excited and I just can't hide it" before falling apart in an oscar-worthy performance? Good times.

Why do they always overdramatize the effects of drugs on TV shows? When I was younger and addicted to diet pills, it was nothing like that and I took a box a day. Way more than Jessie. Pfft. Jessie. Where's your career now?

More like Alex P. Keaton taking diet pills to cram for final exams?

That's just plain cruel. Jeeeez... Saved by the Bell?!! That's worse than Hee-Haw (or whatever it was called).

Damn, you're going to make me google that?

...Family Ties. I never watched that or Growing Pains. I was more a Charles in Charge and Mr. Belvedere kinda kid.

Oh... and ALF.

How could I possibly have forgotten Gordon Shumway?

And Mr Belvedere Rawked!

The Alex P Keaton on speed binge was funny, but you need to see the All in the Family where Archie gets all wired and starts rambling about having fountains with champagne

im not kjidding, it was a 2 part very special all in the family

Hmmm... If I were president... two words... free cheese!

Pie for everyone!!!

If I were President:

1. I'd change child labor laws so the lil' bastards can work. Lets give the kids something productive to do!!! All that energy going to waste running around playing!! And I wouldn't have to worry about 'em throwing balls in front of my car just to watch me hit the brakes!!

2. I'd grow a cheesy pencil thin mustache, chauffered around in a pope-mobile type of car. Then people would line the streets & salute me, shouting "EL PRESIDENTE!!!"

3. I'd nix the excessive taxes on cigarettes.

4. I'd work on making health care CHEAPER!!!

5. None of this "negotiate" crap with other countries that try to bomb the USA. Either knock it off or we'll NUKE YOU!! Your taxes paid for it, might as well get to see yer investment at work.

6. Fear Mongering Media. Two Words- Cement Shoes.

Hmm...I'd be the next one impeached.
1. Return all US troops to their perment bases.
2. Cancel all foriegn aid. (Spend the money on the US citizens in need)
3. Conduct a clean sweep of all Illegals and return them to country of orgin.
4. Make law that balances trading and ownership practices between countries ie If country "X" does not allow country "Y" citizens to own businesses or property, neither can country "X" citizens own businesses or property in country "Y". Same applies to taxes, fees etc.
5. Make the invidual states foot the bill for the wages and benifits of the Sentors and Congress members for which they represent.
6. Make basic health care free. (Open Goverment owned Medical clinics and hospitals to all)
7. Countries asking for a Defense Aid Treaty, must provide soverign land to the US large enough to base 1 Divison of Ground Forces, 1 Wing of Air Forces and 1 fleet of Naval forces (If host coutry has resources to provide such).
8. If attacked by a terriost group hosted by another country (Confirmed by UN)and military action is taken. We annex that country. (Why should we give that country back after giving up the lives and blood of our countrymen to rid it of the terriost which they hosted).
9. Make US owned companies hire only US citizens and purchase inventory from only US owned companies. If they can prove they have searched for and not found the people and parts they need from within the US, then they would be allowed to use foreign sources.

Ok, that enough...let the slamming begin.

1: National languages of English and Spanish. All citizens required to learn both. Countries where people speak the same language(s) are more unified.

2: Exit strategy for Iraq.

3: Condemnation of China for the oppression of Tibet and the Buddhist religion.

4: Create a "Cost-cutting" czar position for the federal government whose only job is to cut government pork from every other agency.

5: Use moneys made from 4 to start a basic, safety-net healthcare package for all US citizens.

6: Children of illegal immigrants are not given automatic US citizenship. Start fining companies again (because Bush has not) for hiring illegals.

7: Decriminalize marijuana, and federally regulate it. Create standards to force manufacturers to make it less dangerous. Dequalify people for federal health care and social security and welfare if they fail a drug test.

8: Take all the criminals convicted of drug possession but have never commited a violent crime, and require they be seperated from violent offenders in prisons. These prisons would focus on drug rehabilitation, and would be a privelege. Existing prisons could be used, and prisoners would need to be re-arranged from existing locations. Create a follow-up program to assist them getting job training and jobs, so they don't wind up back in prison.

9: If I ever have an affair in the White House, make it with a really hot woman, not some ugly intern.

10: Have a cigar and a glass of good whiskey.

Thanks for reminding me. I'd also outlaw the use of the word czar to describe any office or position in the US government.

Oh, and I'd also make appending the word "gate" onto the end of any other word for purposes of naming a government scandal punishable by death.

If he runs, I am SO voting for Chip.

This isn't really slamming....just curious.

You realize that #3 would cost trillions of dollars right? If you are planning to spend trillion on one thing how are you going to balance the budget?

Number 9...what would be considered a US Owned company? There are companies that have their HQ in other countries but most of the stocks are owned by Americans......and vice versa. Also no nation in the world is self reliant, all nations must import resources to function as a modern, industrialized nation. Industrialized nations such as the US, Japan, Britain, and Australia often import raw materials and export finished products.

QUOTE: You realize that #3 would cost trillions of dollars right? If you are planning to spend trillion on one thing how are you going to balance the budget?

RESPONSE: I'm not sure if I agree about "Trillions" maybe "Billions" yes. My point is, why call them "Illegal" if we are going to allow them to live and work in the US. Also, lets get jobs for those unemployeed in the US taken care of FIRST. If they are a deadbeat in the US..tell them either you go to work or else...your unemployment, foodstamps, medicare etc...have been cut off. If a company can prove that they have exhuasted all possible means of hiring US citizens first...then by all means...let them hire "Properly Documented" persons to work in the US.

QUOTE: Number 9...what would be considered a US Owned company? There are companies that have their HQ in other countries but most of the stocks are owned by Americans......and vice versa. Also no nation in the world is self reliant, all nations must import resources to function as a modern, industrialized nation. Industrialized nations such as the US, Japan, Britain, and Australia often import raw materials and export finished products.

RESPONSE: To me a US Owned company is one that is Based (Headquatered) in the US. Investors can buy stock from anywhere they live (As long as US citizens are allowed to own stock in companies based in other countries). I agree that no nation is self reliant, but make them look for sources inside the US before going to outside sources. Most companies today don't...they just go where the cheapest price is. I understand that if it's a raw product/mineral that cannot be found in the US, then we have to go to outside sources. But why should a Auto maker buy parts from a Japan, Korea, Germany etc when there is a small business 2 miles down the road who makes or can make the same item. What I'm saying is...take care of your family before going to a stranger.

if I was either president/Prime Minister (even though I am from UK)

1 Limit All of parliments/congress salary
2 NO fingers in any other pies, no sitting on boards or conflicts of interest
3 All MP's or sentators aged UNDER 50 no fuddy 90 yr old lords/judges or US counterparts
4 FREE healthcare education and housing
5 Total ban on weapons
6 Use of clean energy where possible
7 Life should mean life in prison NO tv no luxuries no nothing
8 If death penalty, no sitting around on death row for 15yrs, take out the back and a bullet through the head.
9 ALL sex crimes against children/adults instant death, all murder/manslughter instant death
10 NO immigration
11 No forighn aid except for disaster relief to non dictatorship countries
12 All billionairres/millionaires striped of wealth or booted out
13 All industrys nationalised
14 Free public transport for everyone
15 All class A drug users either forcebly made to go clean or death
16 All drug dealers/importers instant death
17 Soft drugs legalised within reason
18 Build a big fookin wall around borders
19 Pull all troops back from all areas except for non combat situations
20 free PC's for everyone with high speed net access for all
21 Put two fingers up to everyone else and let them get on with killing themselves
22 All uber nuber l33t speaking tards made to do 30 years hard labour manual hard work that involves no computer/consoles or internet

Thats all!

haha funny