Anyone here seen 'The day after tommorow'???

Movies nowadays are ridiculous. They make action happen all the time. If something can go wrong, it does. In The Day After Tomorrow, a group of teenagers can't even walk around in New York City without being attacked by wolves. Wolves in New York City? The director must have been stoned off his mind. Let's pretend for a moment that a pack of wolves just happened to be freely roaming around in New York city. Now how did these creatures survive the flash flood that covered Manhattan in fifty feet of water? It makes no sense. The whole scene was added to put people on the edge of their seats. I was on the edge of my seat shitting on the theatre floor for screening such a shitty film.

The special effects were okay, but that was cancelled out by the snobbish girl who was casted as that "snooty bitch" role. After watching her giant mouth piss and moan for an hour and a half, I won't be able to get it up until the day after tomorrow.

The big dramatic component was a dad trying to get to his son who was stuck in a Library. The dad takes two of his friends to "rescue" his son. Once the son is found, the storm clears and everyone is rescued. So what was the point of walking 100 miles to find his son? What was he planning on doing when he got there? "Hey son, I found you!" Then the son replies, "Fuck off dad, these are our vending machine snacks." Either way, the son's survival had nothing to do with whether or not his dad found him. All that drama for nothing.

Every apocolyptic thriller since Armageddon has gone like this:

The first scene is meant to suck you in. Some common people in the middle of nowhere are doing their job when an unexpected event happens and at least one black male dies.

After that dramatic death scene of disposable characters, the screen goes black and BOOM, the title hits.


Then comes the character introduction portion. They introduce the characters one at a time as they live their normal lives. This is before anybody knows that something bad is about to happen. There's the main "leader" character who gives orders and yells a lot. There's the book-smart guy, the little kid genius type. Last, and least, there's the female.

Each character gets a five minute segment that builds their personality and importance by showing them doing something genius in their field. In the woman's case, it's usually a scene with her husband to prove to the audience that she's not a lesbian.

There is often a lunatic who serves the purpose of comic relief. Also so that later in the movie, he can go crazy and jeopardize the mission - creating tension by adding an unexpected twist.

Remember the "New Guy" from The Core? What a shitty character. "Derr.. your kung fu is weak, I want pop tart while I hack. Derrr." What a little fag. He's the kind of kid I beat over the face regularly.

We can't forget about the wise, old man who talks too slow and comes off as the veteran. "Oh, back in my time, we saw many o' them s-s-s-seahorses but they were n-never th-that big and n-never that gay. I can't recall where though." "Oh professor," the girl will reply, "you must remember! It is vital to our mission!" Blah blah blah. Everything is so predictable.

After all the characters have been introduced and their genius proven, Tokyo gets demolished.

In every apocolyptic movie, Japan is always the first place to get fucked up. Whether it's meteors or hail storms or gay seahorses, Tokyo gets the shaft before any other city.

Then the black guy comes in with the comedy relief, "Dayamn, I aint seen no seahorse dat big befo.. das some creepy shiet, brotha!" Right as the seahorse comes and eats him.

Rising action, increasing tragedy, chaos, then "ONLY ONE CHANCE TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM THESE GAY SEAHORSES!!!" The elite team of geniuses gather and risk their lives to save the planet. Who gives a shit? Fuck the world. I wouldn't care if the real world got blown to pieces by a giant chunk of frozen alien shit. And I really REALLY could care less if a 3D rendered earth blows up on a two dimensional screen. Fuck 'em. If I wrote a screenplay, it would be called The Day Before Tomorrow.

It's just been all downhill ever since The Poseidon Adventure.

Hehe, good analysis. I think you covered pretty much everything. I did like The Core though, despite the little kung foo rodent kid.

One question. The Day After Tomorrow screened 2 years ago. Exactly how long have you been contemplating this post? It bothered you that much?

I think I would pay to see this "Gay Seahorse Attack!" movie.

Where's it playing?

(and the Poseidon Adventure makes these new ones look like crap, too bad they are ruining ... er, I mean remaking it soon as well)

Wolves don't attack people.

No matter how much I agree with everything else you say about this movie, it all means naught due to the fact that you used "gay" improperly. I don't recall any sex scenes depicting seahorse anal sex or fellatio.

It makes you a big man to advocate gay bashing, doesn't it?
==Chris

Heh! Wasnt "Day After Tomorrow" the name of a "what would happen during a nuclear war?" made-for-tv movie back in the 80s?

That was "The Day After."

or was it "Dog Day Afternoon...?"

maybe it was "Tomorrow Never Dies?"

/me shrugs

People attack people

I preferred 'A Boy and his Dog.'

Especially the ending.

Hell, watch it just to see a young Don Johnson with a telepathic dog.

edit: see the movies cover art here

Um. They do.

In fact there was a headline story about a young boy that was killed by wolves just yesterday. Ok, so you might discount that one based upon the circumstances, but I assure you that there are plenty of documented and verified cases of wolves attacking people.

Actually the first verified human death at the hands of healthy wild wolves in North America was only in November last year, but wolves have a very long history of killing people throughout Europe.

Wolves tend to be shy of humans, but within their (shrinking) domains, climate and environmental (read: pollution, food shortages, etc) problems can lead them to attack animals they normally would not.

Amongst this 'unusual prey list' is human beings.

lol. good find. You plagiarised a rant?! Surely the satisfaction of ranting is in the ranting?

Considering the amount of time gay has meant "cheery," and then gone on to mean things as far removed from that as "prostution" or "homosexuality," gay is a pretty silly word to get angry about. Which is why its currently rising colloquial usage for an analogue of "stupid" shouldn't be taken to mean anything specifically derogatory toward homosexuals. Gay is a stupid word to begin with and it will continue to be a gay word forever and ever.

Life is funnier when we pretend to take things seriously, isn't it? ~_0

thas'all i gotta say

"WE GOT MUTHAF***IN' SNAKES!!" )

I'm wondering if this person has ever had an original thought in his head...

Kris Ritter is a funny, smart, loveable GIRL....she calls it like she sees it with no regrets.

Riiiiiight. And she was talking about the plagiarism of someone else, which is why I said I wondered if HE ever had an original idea...

ok you had me confused...which, ill admit is VERY easy to do

Actually, the wolves escaped from a zoo.

Before Roland Emmerlich writes again, someone should send him a map of I-95 and invite him to take a road trip from DC to NYC. He seems to believe these two cities are next door. In Independance Day, we had Jeff Goldblum and Judd Hirsh drive from NY to DC in 2 hours with killer traffic. In reality, on a good day with light traffic, its a four hour drive. I guess there is something magical about Hollywood folks that give their old Plymouths super speed.

Next, in the Day After Tomorrow, we had people driving and walking to NY from DC in a mega blizzard, and somehow they got to their destination inside of a week. Yeah, completely plausible.

You're looking to movies for believability?

Nah, I expect higher quality bullshit.

<stewy griffen>Curse you and your hidden font!
==Chris