Morals debate

How many of you feel that having SL sex is equal to cheating on your real life partner?

My feeling on it is that it is the same as watching a porn with a friend, and while it is mildly arousing and amuzing it doesn't mean I am going to replace SL with the affections of my partner.....

On the other hand, maybe it brings up a new issue if there is mutual masturbation involved?

To me this whole expeience is about acting out fantasies that I would never dare to in RL, but I can see and have seen where some SL users get so involved that SL becomes more of a reality and getting involved in sex play might encourage real attachment feelings. This could cause real jealousy and real harm.....

Feedback please!

Somewhere there is a thread where the hell got beat out of this topic, I personally don't do anything in SL I wouldn't do in RL if it was possible.

I think you said this backward.

It may not seem like cheating; but it can lead into a growing relationship with someone. I've seen couples, who played Second Life together, have to quite because one was getting overly involved or being stalked by another resident. On the other hand, singles have gotten together, moved around the world and gotten married.

Porn is a good anology because it creeps in sometimes as well. Most people find it mildly interesting. Others think it's cute for a while but end up hooked on it or translating it into nightly trips to clubhouses.

Well said you two!

Sorry if this has already a well-beaten topic. Please forgive me, I'm bored at work and I think too much!


Anyone else?

Cyber sex in SL *shouldn't* be a threat to a RL relationship but, as other posters have noted, it can be.

I took a decision early on that I wouldn't get into that in SL even though I'm mildly curious and don't think it would do any harm. It would feel a bit like cheating on my RL partner so I made a commitment not to do it.

I'm sure it can work for others (I'm not assuming my way is the only way) in the same way that open relationships *can* work for *some* people (but not me!)

Personally, my SL existance has been made much more drama-free by remaining celebate.

Besides, pixel-sex aint ever as satisfying as the real thing

well said...I feel this way as well

LOL! Good point Travis!

It should also be noted that a lot of ppl take for granted that SL "Partners" have sex. Not all of them do. For some its a companion, for others a business partner. If SL was an RPG I don't see a problem with RP. If it's a real life simulation and ppl's expectations are that it will lead to something in RL, then I do. That's my person opinion on this. If a person is married they should put their spouse first, last and always. Be honest about what goes on in SL even if it doesn't involve you.

I also agree with Khamons post.



Cat

To me, it's cheating if your emotions play a part in what it is that you are doing in SL and if it in turn affects your real life relationship. Personally, I don't understand how married people can come into SL and get involved with someone and not have emotions and feelings for their SL partner. But, that is me. In my observations, a lot of the time those who are married irl and then have cyber sex with others in a chatroom or are in SL having avi sex have something missing in the real life relationship and are using this to fill a void so to speak. Before someone gets mad at me, yes this is a generalization and in no way am I saying that this is always the case for every person in SL that is married irl. It is merely an observation.

Felicity hit it on the head. I think a big part of it is expectations and understandings. IF your RL partner is okay with it, and your SL partner is oky with it, fine. But that aasumes everyone knows all the cards on the table.

It may be porno to you, but it may not be porno to your SL partner, and it may not be porno to your RL partner. At eq. fanfest ther eis a running joke about eq husband meeting RL husband and violence ensuing.

People looking to excuse dishonest behavior again?

The free sexxors are tempting and plentiful. But I've taken a vow of SLelibacy.

If my husband cybered with someone in here and I knew about it, his ass would still be sleeping on the couch and he would be groveling for days.

Emotions almost always get involved, and it's inexcusable. (or is it unexcusable?I forget)

I wouldn't do it to him, and expect the same from him in return. I am totally honest with him about what I do in SL, and I have never felt a need to hide what was on my monitor when he has peeked over my shoulder to see what I was up to in world.

When I joined SL my RL husband and I had this discussion. He believed that it's "just pixels" and therefore not a threat, but I dissagreed. I stated my feelings on the subject and although he still believed sex in SL is fine, he respects my wishes and agreed to not have sex in SL with anyone but me. We believe that if one of us is against something within reason, neither of us sould participate.

However, a while later a friend came over for a visit and we showed him SL. He was very impressed with the world (who wouldn't be) and very interested in the strip clubs and sexual activities.

When he went home I asked my husband again if he still believe sex in SL is just "bumping pixels" and he said yes. I then asked that if our friend joined SL and I had pixel sex with him in world would that be okay? I think my hubbie then understood my viewpoint better. Because he said no, that wouldn't be okay.

That fact is every av in SL is a real person too. You can't just go up to anyone and start bonking, you need their consent. And whether you know the person in RL and SL shouldn't really make a difference. They are still real. Everyone of us is real.

So if you are single go for it. If you have consent from your real life partner go for it. But SL is not "just pixels," it is a alternate universe where it is simply easier for people all around the real world to communicate and make friends. Real friends.

Begind being interspecies mating

I agree completely with this.

Any relation that you start will have emotions involved, if not you could just as well watch porn. That is what makes a relation in SL exciting, the fact that there is a reallife human being on the other end. A human is unpredictable and surprises you, someone who you share secrets with or experiment with doing thing you don't dare in rl.

How would your rl girlfriend react when you tell her that you don't want to share/try your most inner desires with her, but do share them with some stranger. I don't think she would appreciate that.

And as a online relation progresses, it is only naturel that you will start to fantasize to meet each other in RL. These thoughts will also happen when you aren't online, and as a result take energy from your RL relationship.

I don't agree with this from a personal point of view.

My rl husband Scorpio Galata and I have been in SL for almost 2 years. We've been together in rl for almost 10 and married for 5. We've both had relationships with other people in SL, and not once has it caused any trouble between us, or been taken out of the virtual environment.

The the key to this for us is being open and honest with each other, both in the SL relationship and the RL one. Scorpio and I have no secrets from each other, we have total, absolute trust in each other, and all of our virtual partners have known from the very outset that we're happily married and have NO interest in taking it any further.

I think it's very much down to the individuals, if you can *keep it real* and enjoy it for what it is, without getting emotionally involved to a degree where it affects your rl, then it can be a lot of fun. Of course you get involved with the person, the same as you do with your closest friends, you care for them deeply and want them to care for you in the same way, but it's not *love* in the true sense of the word.

Everyone who knows Scorp and I, knows it works well for us, but it wouldn't if we weren't so happy together in rl.

Is it for everyone ? of course not, some just aren't into the virtual relationship thing at all, some would like to be but know their rl partner would hate it. It's each to their own. I just don't think the people that it works for, should be condemmed as *cheats* if it's all out in the open and acceptable to all parties. My definition of cheating is keeping secrets, and seeing other people behind your rl partner's back. Which is something different entirely to what we do.

The previous thread touching on this discussion is here:

Poll: Do you consider having AV Sex Cheating on your Spouse if the Flame has Gone?
/108/8a/31227/1.html

First I would like to point out that what is judged to be moral or immoral is a cultural valuation of behavior, that is different in different cultures. For example, opinions of morality in victorian society was decidly more prudish then it is today. My point being that what many people may consider immoral today, isnt necessarily bad, it just runs contrary to the established norms, or at least the openly discussed opinions of what is moral. Another curiousity that i have observed is that the openly discussed opinions of what is moral and the actual behavior of the members of a society are often remarkably different. We tend to uphold one set of standards in open public discussions, but behave in a far less rigid manner. What we say in do is often very different. So which is the true representation of what we believe in?

As I expected when I saw this thread begin, the responses have been pretty one sided. Largely because most people who are married and participating in SL relationships without thier RL partners knowledge and constent, would be foolish to tell the world about it here.

But the fact is there are numerous married people in SL doing just that.

I greatly admire Gemini Galatea's relationship with her husband, many of us wish we had such open and understanding communication with our RL partners. Unfortunatly, I think that is extremely rare. I dont feel like I can share all of my personal sexual fantasies with my RL partner, much less those that might involve another person. So is it immoral for me to enjoy those fantasies in secret? If I don't think my partner can handle my private fantasies, she certainly can't handle my sharing a sexual fantasy with another person while cybering. To me, cybering, in SL or otherwise, is a fantasy. A shared fantasy, enhanced by the participation of another person.

Yes, there is something lacking in my RL marriage, but I am obviously not alone in this regard. In hind sight I realize that the sexual spark was never really there with my spouse. She was are less sexually experienced when we meet and I always hoped and expected she would grow more as they years passed, but it didnt happen. She is less interested in sex then I am, needs it less often, and is comfortable with this.

Nevertheless, our relationship has value, we are financial and life partners, my partner is a wonderful person, I do still love. But all of my needs are not being met in this relationship. I did not come into SL looking for a cyber relationship. It had not even occured to me that such a thing existed in SL. But the relationships I have discovered in SL are wonderful, and they do provide me with the additional emotional, passionate and sexual love that I need and that is missing in RL.

I have found that there are many other married people in SL who have the same deficiencies in thier RL relationships and who are finding what they need in SL. I am honest with my SL friends that I am married in RL, value that relationship and am not to replace it, nor am I looking for an SL relationship that can transfer into RL. And most of my SL friends feel the same way. I would not want to mislead someone in SL who is looking for a RL relationship to think that is likely to happen with me.

I myself have a SL soul mate ( Roberto Pow)...but he is actually my RL hubby so in light of that.....and

while I am in no way knocking anyone who is having fun in SL in what ever way they can...I just can't imagine how making love to a cartoon is fun when you have a real live person in your life to do that with. I guess I need to get out more! LOL!

My RL husband is also my SL partner. Makes things much less complicated for us. Besides, I can't think of another man in RL or SL that I'd rather spend as much time with.