What steps to take when an SL friend hints at harming himself?

Well I guess I am not finished yet in my response to "What a heartless society we have become."

Memories have been dredged up because of the hurricane and all the images on tv. I was raised on the Texas Gulf Coast and have been through 7 major hurricanes since I was a child. Carla, Buelah, Celia, Rita and more. I was an active member of the Red Cross for a couple of decades. I live by Washington, DC now and they no longer have a major impact but I do know what it is like. We are bombarded by stories on TV about how uncaring people are. We here stories of women who are raped and screaming and people shut their windows and don't call the police. We see images of people ransacking stores after disasters.

If you have never been through a major calamity then you might even believe this is the majority of people, but you could never be further from the truth. People do care and people do help. Neighbors get together after blizzards and tornadoes and hurricanes to clear the streets and even share food. If you really believe that society is heartless then ask the survivors of hurricane Ike, they will tell a much different story.

Well you can call it what you want but I take exception to being called callous, especially considering the amount of time I have devoted to helping people in both RL with the Red Cross when I was younger and now with so many I have helped in the Scripting Forums. So answer the question I posed. If this was a woman talking about a boyfriend who was threatening suicide because they were breaking up. Would you still give the same advise, remembering all the time that depression is a medical condition?

I was refering to those who posted here who lacked any respect whatsoever,

Obviously some can easily disconnect someone on the internet with a real person - making them heartless.

I did not mean to say the entire society is completely heartless.

I would not lump in "depressed" in with manipulative, twisted, and monstrous. Period.

For any Scenario, anywhere.

Would you lump in say "deaf" with manipulative, twisted and monstrous?

I don't think anyone will dispute the fact that SL has its share of drama queens and kings. A certain level of scepticism is hardly unwarranted.

At the same time, there really are people here with mental disorders. To a certain extent, SL attracts people like that. As Colette says, depression is an actual disorder. It's not just feeling down, its a chemical imbalance that can lead to irrational behavior. And it's sometimes fatal. But unlike other potentially fatal diseases, mental illness is one that gets no sympathy for the most part.

I've seen my share of wonderful and giving people in this world, too. But the internet allows us to feel distant enough to just laugh and point, sometimes.

I, too, hope that the OP's friend was just being dramatic, and is actually okay. And Colette, I'm sorry about your friend.

Thanks

I've been burned too many times in the past to worry about 'em.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

A week in county jail with large angry uneducated minorities with a grudge against "the white man" kinda changes your outlook on people.

Nothin' sez "fun" like spending a week with junkies, rapists, and murderers.

At least I know for future reference to ask for "protective custody".

Jail is not the place for small educated white college boys to be.

While I'm sorry that it does happen, its the majority that ruin it for the serious cases.

BTW- I found out later that this girl did the exact same thing to 3 other guys, who also were arrested for the same charges. Her lil' way of getting attention from "Mom & Dad". I dont wish her ill-will, but I don't wish her the most happiest of lives either.

/Takes a step back.


I know, these people, my god...they're..so..so..cold.

I am sorry what happen to you Tod that just doesn't seem right especially when
you were looking her up because you were concerned, she had pattern of doing similar things.
I know how it feels on both sides, not exactly though what Tod went through but I have
had moments I felt used and manipulated by others.
I truly believe people have right to choose when to end their lives regardless of reasons be it medical or mental and I know first hand from friends who have killed themselves there
is very little I could have done to help them for one they didn't let me know before hand, they just did it.
I have struggled with depression, wanting to end it myself due to chronic health and personal issues.
I have made mistake of telling the wrong people few times and getting very negative reactions.
It isolated me, made me less willing to be around people.
If I told someone I had cancer or Aids I get more sympathy for what my systoms then
if it was related to mental illness or less understood condition yet at same time
I wouldn't want my condition to ruin others fun either.
Yet at same time here I have met people who seemed like major attention seekers, who literally drained me emotionally with their moods, various other conduct that it's made me less willing to just hang out for sake of hanging out with people with certain behavior clues that show up in chat or im's.
I think LL is concerned if they check up on their residents it may put them in legal issues so they avoid it for privacy reasons personally.

My cousin was bipolar and talked about committing suicide all through his teens and early 20s. He also had a few close calls that were more about not caring whether he lived or died than having actual intent to kill himself.

A few years ago, his mother flew out to the East Coast to see him, they had a wonderful visit and, just after he put her in a cab to the airport, he went to his room and purposely overdosed.

He was 23.

There are almost always warning signs, but sometimes you can't help, no matter how hard you try.

I guarantee you all those mean, nasty "uneducated minorities" would tell you the place would feel empty without all those "white....boys." Play time just wouldn't be the same.

On the flip side, jails also have a large population of those same type mean, nasty uneducated white guys locked up. And you know what? They're just as bad as the rest, at times, worse.

I know, I'm there.

I have had 2 Residents threaten to commit suicide. One was a male, He is a strange one. I had to Ban him from the property eventually. He is still alive and logging in regularly.
Another Instance. was a female. She was also very disturbed. She threatened to come into my club And Send a link to everyone for her web cam so everyone can watch her Kill her self. I worry about this individual because she has done this with several other residents of SL.. Hopefully she is still kickin. But some people can really be emotional.
There really is not much I could do on my end except direct them to the proper links to get help and hope for the best.
It is sad seeing people hurting enough inside that the only way they can deal/stop it is to end their lives. That is serious, and a clear indication of mental heath breaking down. It is an ugly state of mind to be in.

Peace

His problems are over then.

Hey, maybe it's joeypt's brother!

Lilliput, I think you've done what you can. The most I can suggest at this point would be to send the friend an offline IM offering to be a listening ear - if you feel you're up to doing so.

The other thing I would advise, which has already been said here, is to be careful how much of yourself you are able to give to this situation and not to let yourself be pulled in and overwhelmed. If you can throw a drowning person a lifeline, that's great. Letting them pull you down with them, not so much.

I hope things work out for both of you.

The Real World is a cold , cruel, heartless place. That's why a lot of us come here, to get away from it for a bit. Most of us know of someone who has taken their own life, and sadly most times, there is nothing anyone could have done to stop it, and to be truthful, why should we? If someone is in that much pain, be it emotional or physical, and finds life so unliveable, perhaps they should be allowed to to end it.

I don't think Jesse was equating all depression sufferes with the soiciopaths she described at all, but was illustrating that a lot of these cries for attention are just that, people not wanting help, but wanting the pitty and handholding or whatever because it feeds their egos.

No harm done. I kind of over reacted when I latched onto the "Society" comment of hers too. This was just a case of both of us having extreme negative experiences with opposite manifestations of the same topic.

Personally, I find the whole notion of telling someone else that you are thinking about, planning, or in the process of, suicide, or otherwise hurting yourself quite monstrous and cruel to the person or people you are telling it to.

My response to such varies from situation to situation (including someone I know who has a history of attempts, and pulled it with me), but most often, I either try to shock them into getting help, or simply cut off contact. I am not one to intervene in someone else's inevitability. We're all here for our own reasons, and if someone REALLY wants to get off the merry-go-round we call "life", then there is actually very little we can do to stop it, and it is probably for the best.

That may sound cold and heartless on the surface, but really, what right do any of us have to tell someone that they cannot take their own life? It's theirs. Sure, we can point out and offer alternatives but, in the end, it's their decision, and we should respect it. Even if it is a BAD decision. It's still theirs to make. The only thing we can really concern ourselves over it is whether it will harm anyone else in the process.

I've dealt with quite a few of what I consider "mentally unstable" people in SL (including a few who are institutionalized, and actually get on SL from inside the institution -- something which I think is excessively dangerous and potentially hazardous for not only the person, but those he/she interacts with here). We've also had people miss out on contests to get limited-edition avatars and use the "I am going to kill myself because I didn't win!" ploy to try and get their way. We simply tell them that we can't help them, but encourage them to seek professional help before they make the final decision. Of course, it's always been a ruse, and I would love to have said nothing more than "here's a razor, remember the rules; down the road, not across the street; now go sit in the corner and cut yourself", because I find it hideously offensive that someone would pull that BS with me, but you just never know if they might be serious. Recommend they get help and send them on their way, potentially with a precautionary ban just to be safe.

Aye, again I have to agree with you.

Since the "misdemeanor" level was full, I had to be sent to the other "levels". Didnt know what that meant at the time.

Luckily, my cell mate was a 68 yr old man in for Accessory to Robbery. In a way I felt sorry for him & the others. Seems education is NOT something they have. My cell mate had a 7th grade education. I hope he's doing well now. I think that was part of the problem: These people were not educated. The system failed them, and they did what they had to to survive (mostly).

I'm assuming you're a guard in one. Good luck man! Tough job, not kidding!

I was a naive dumbass kid going in, and much wiser coming out. I look at it as a learning experience that I don't want to repeat. EVER!!! It DID open my eyes to things- like how many college kids had their cars impounded. And one who was in for a year because he couldnt afford a lawyer for a case against a cop who, eventually taken off the force, liked to send drunken college kids to jail. I got railroaded in by a detective who kept saying "Oh no. This wont get you in jail. Trust me".

I dont trust cops entirely anymore, but I understand their position on things. Not a job I want.... EVER.

For the real criminals tho...yea. Many DO deserve it. I don't think certain ones, like child molesters, should be kept seperate from the rest of the population.

Only downside I have is, 'WHY' Do they get better TV than I do at home, and I can never eat "Lunchables" again. The food just sucked!!! And I DO believe they put saltpeter in it!!!

Lilliput I hope your friend is okay but I have to agree with Nic and the others it is great that you're concerned but you can't really do anything if person doesn't want help, just take care of yourself.
When I was much younger and more prone to acting out, I did have people who basically told me to go for it in very hostile way.
Yes it was upsetting to be hurting and risk sharing something about what is going on and have someone respond in a very hostile way, I didn't get it at the time because of what I was going through but it did make me think a bit.
I still have my down days but others aren't responsible for my suicidal or depressive moods, regardless of what is happen I am ultimately responsible for how I deal with it or don't others can't fix this no matter how much they care and may want too.