Friend request ettiquette

being a complete noob I don't know what is the proper/polite/normal thing to do in this situation:

A random person that I've never spoken to before, sends me a friends request.

Without at least some sort of conversation beforehand this makes me uncomfortable so I generally decline, and follow up with an IM to say that I prefer to get to know people before I accept a friend request.

Today I had one and the other person got all in a snit about it and it made me wonder if I'm doing something wrong or unusual.

How do other people handle random friend requests from total strangers?

From what you say here it sounds to me as if you did just fine.

If person B got in a snit over it, they're an idiot.

I would mute that person immediately if I were snitted upon (do you like the term like "snitted upon" ? it is brand new! *grin*) but I have a low tolerance for drama. My snit threshold is near zero. I have a twitchy snit-o-meter.

In any case please dont let them get you down.

I think you are being very polite. I do the same. Bolder people don't bother with the follow-up explanatory IM. Timid people accept the friendship then delete it later.

Maybe, if something makes you feel uncomfortable, there is no reason for you to do it. If some random stranger sends you a friend request and it makes you uncomfortable, you are not obligated to accept it. A true friend-to-be would understand and respect this.

Best of luck to you and welcome to SL!

I think "snitted upon" is a great term. Can I keep it?

And thankyou.

I am honored. Please use it as often as you like.

Consider it a full-perm term.

*big smile*

I'm good for a random request if you ever feel lonely. These days I'm building and roaming around Zindra. If you're ever lonely gimme a call. People will vouch for me here

Possibly they were checking your profile and accidentally hit the 'add friend' option. We've all been there. Last time I did it I couldn't TP out of the place quick enough I've always said there should be a 'Do you *really* want to send a friend request to this person?' button.



Leave it hanging there in the corner until I log out then they don't get a notification whether you accepted or not

...Mind you, am I right in saying that if you turn down a friend request the sender isn't notified anyway?

This has come up a few times. Friend request sent without a notice get declined without a notice. If anyone is rude in this situation it is the person making the unwarranted request. They set the terms of the exchange and those terms are "no comment required." So, do not give it a second thought. Click decline and forget about it. You do not owe them an explanation and by their actions they do not expect one anyway.

If anyone sends me a friend request, I accept.

Why not?

If they turn out to be really awful, evil or something, I can delete them later on.

In practice accepting just means I get to meet lots of nice, friendly people.

Though Emerald notifies one now if one is removed from another's list, so it's not quite the ideal passive-aggressive person's refuge it once was.

Ouch! I have never thought of people who do this as passive-aggressive. I think on the whole they are just trying to spare others' feelings. It's true though, that the Emerald viewer often tells us more than we really want to know.

I always considered it more polite to wait until I knew someone a bit better, but there have been times when I've accepted an offer from people right away - usually either a business reason or someone that I want to easily get in touch with later.

I tend to try and keep my 'friends' list really light, otherwise you'll get hounded by IM's 24/7. Random requests are either accepted as 'aquaintances' if I'm in a good mood, declined if I'm feeling snitty. When I get the urge to do some inventory sorting, the aquaintances (I use the calling cards) become friends confirmed/kept or get culled. I don't really give a stuff whether that person is miffed or not. Like RL, aquaintances become friends or just fade away.

I just decline random friendship requests, especially in situations where I can't even -see- where that avatar is, it's extremely rude. Does s/he expect me to read his/her mind or something? Too bad SL doesn't have an "ignore" button for requests like teleports, inventory transfer, and friendship requests... I'm not willing to restart my client just to prevent a message from being sent across to the other avatar saying I declined it.

i decline them in the same way they were sent..without a word..if they want to make a scene i'll give them an Oscar winning performance..

I decline random friend requests and often without explanation. I tend to assume that if the person as sent the request without having ever spoken to me, then I am under no obligation to talk to them, even to explain that I prefer to speak to people first. Now if we've exchanged a few words, then I might accept and after a year has passed with no further attempts at conversation, I might delete them.

In all honesty, I prefer to look at my friends list as just that: a list of my friends.

HI, Maybe and welcome to SL.

Sounds like you're doing just fine with the unwarranted friends requests.

Unlike some others here, I don't IM back with an explanation or stay silent, I state why I don't in public chat, the reason being I have been in several social situations where someone unknown wanders in and "blankets" the place in friend requests. I couldn't figure out for the longest time why someone would do that until I got an IM from someone whose name I didn't recognize inviting me to someplace I would definitely not go...and those who know anything about me knows I wouldn't go.

That puzzled me for the longest time so I decided to do a search through my logs. I found the name. In the case of this friend request I was looking at an apartment the person had for rent and she had apparently friended me. (I RARELY do a friends request.) I had deleted her as a friend about a year prior to this invitation so how did she still remember me? Calling cards. Someone may delete you as a friend, or vice versa, but unless they are specifically deleted the cards remain.

Another instance I've mentioned in other threads is being in classes (this has happened several times) and about halfway through class a person tps in, says nothing and shortly I get a friend request. I'm generally on voice with my partner and he said, "Yeah, I just got one too." That is another reason I publicly decline the request. Many schools don't approve of this behavior (especially when it was obvious the person wasn't there for a class) and the person is either warned or banned.

Again, my main theory for this (to me) odd behavior of group-spamming friend requests - to create a large calling card list of people to invite to their events.

I tend to just decline and wait for them to say something but they never do. I have also tried accepting requests and people still don't talk. I can't figure out why they do it. I think that the best thing to do is ask before you send the friend request.

I'd say that if you'd like to see someone even in the most marginal way then you should ask for friendship. With the way SL is designed it's pretty tough to run into people all the time so requesting a friendship might be the only way you could see that person again.

I decline without explanation.
In my experience silent friend request senders are generally collecting friends to spam them with their events messages or mass tp for clubs or popularity votings.

I generally immediately delete people who do that if they're on my friends list too.
I consider them in the same category as telemarketeers.

Go annoy somebody else.

Answer the snit Im with something to the effect of

"After considerable deliberation upon getting to know you better I have come to the regretful decision that my original decision to decline your friend invitation was the correct choice."

QFT. I've done that several times.

Maybe,

(I LOVE your name, BTW!)

You're quite within your rights to decline an unsolicited Friends request. I will generally do just that...unless I'm at GQ Start or Caledon Oxbridge in Newbie Helper mode. Then I will generally accept the request. If the resident doesn't contact me in a few days, I'll delete it.

After getting a polite turn-down, any resident who got snitty with me would find themselves Muted. Or possibly shot.

Decline.

If it makes you uncomfortable, that is reason enough. There should not be any obligation to do something that makes you feel that way.

Sometimes new people do this because they feel a bit lost, and see someone that doesn't scare them, that they might want to find again later.

If the person is nearby, I IM them to explain that I do not accept friend requests from people I don't know (and lately, not at all; I've cleared the entire list, so why would I add new names?) I also explain to them that anyone (well okay, most people, but it isn't worth confusing the newbie) can be found using search.

Most never reply, since they didn't care enough to actually talk to me anyway. Lol. Often they send an invitation to everyone they see. If it's someone who did need a friendly face or help, i.e. they actually reply in any way, I try to find that out and help if needed.

If it's someone I've just met and they send the invitation at the end of a conversation, especially without asking first, I usually also decline; I dislike that moment where someone seems to feel obligated just because we've spoken a while. If we are to see each other enough to build a friendship, that list isn't necessary. And if we are not going to see each other, what's the point? To get a blue pop up every time they log in and out?

Lately I've been declining all "friend's list" invitations just because, I frankly wish that list could be opted out of. It doesn't mean "friend" in a real sense any more than "do you like me? yes or no" did in grade school.

Usually I don't send out Friendship Requests. If anything, it's up to the person in question to send me said request and the only time I do accept them is if it comes after we converse for some time about things that make us...well, lulz. Only then do I accept, otherwise I'm just the random stranger who goes around, is friendly to random peeps, points them in the right direction if they need help on something, and then I'm on my way back into obscurity again.