I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece.
I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece.
I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car.
I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund.
In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals.
I laughed.
They punched me in the genitals.
I stopped laughing.
When I got home, I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died.
No apparent reason.
They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.
damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals.
That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.
It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.
I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable.
I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, and The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom.
So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.
I felt better.
I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates.
I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either.
I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution: I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.
Ingrates.
So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
Welcome to the Second Life Forums Archive
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Chris Norse
Loud Arrogant Redneck
Join date: 1 Oct 2006
Posts: 5,735
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12-05-2007 09:03
_____________________
I'm going to pick a fight
William Wallace, Braveheart “Rules are mostly made to be broken and are too often for the lazy to hide behind” Douglas MacArthur FULL |
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Claire Silverspar
Pokes Badgers With Spoons
Join date: 31 Oct 2007
Posts: 5,375
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12-05-2007 09:08
OMG Chris! I haven't laughed that hard in about a month!!! thats hilarious!!
_____________________
 I'll miss this damn place.I'll be over at SCII after the end has come. |
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Okiphia Rayna
DemonEye Benefactor
Join date: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 2,103
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12-05-2007 09:10
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. When I got home, I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, and The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution: I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys. o.o I like monkeys. _____________________
Owner of DemonEye Designs Custom Building and Landscaping
Owner and Blogger, Okiphia's Life http://okiphiablog.blogspot.com/  |
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Chris Norse
Loud Arrogant Redneck
Join date: 1 Oct 2006
Posts: 5,735
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12-05-2007 09:13
o.o I like monkeys. Then don't buy 200 of them for .05 . Unless you have 200 friends who you need Christmas gifts for. _____________________
I'm going to pick a fight
William Wallace, Braveheart “Rules are mostly made to be broken and are too often for the lazy to hide behind” Douglas MacArthur FULL |
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Okiphia Rayna
DemonEye Benefactor
Join date: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 2,103
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12-05-2007 09:15
Then don't buy 200 of them for .05 . Unless you have 200 friends who you need Christmas gifts for. I think I might have 200 in my friends list. Maybe they like monkeys. I should ask _____________________
Owner of DemonEye Designs Custom Building and Landscaping
Owner and Blogger, Okiphia's Life http://okiphiablog.blogspot.com/ |
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Oryx Tempel
Registered User
Join date: 8 Nov 2006
Posts: 7,663
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12-05-2007 10:35
She hates me more!!!  No way, dude. I've SO got the market cornered. _____________________
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Graphicguru Gustav
Accepts head scritchings!
Join date: 5 Oct 2007
Posts: 775
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You probably think I make this stuff up...
12-05-2007 10:45
When I was a kid, I lived in the country of Panama, and had the miss-fortune of owning just ONE monkey. His name was Jojo... ‘Jojo the spider monkey’. He was a nervous little guy with a scar on the tip of his tail; that was where a bullet nicked him as a baby. Yeah, his mother was shot by a GI in a jungle survival class. They were supposed to eat from the jungle, and not from military rations. So these solders killed his mother, cooked her and ate her, while he looked on in horror. One of the GI's felt sorry for the little tyke and took him up in his arms. Later when they all went home, the baby monkey went with the GI. He kept Jojo in a very small cage, and poor Jojo, lonely for his mother, howled day and night. This GI couldn't take it any longer and started looking for a home for poor Jojo. He happened to be a friend of my dad, this GI. Well we were visiting them one day, and he asked me what kind of animals did I like. I told him I always liked monkeys...his eye grew wide and he smiled. He told me: "today is your lucky day!" my heart leaped within me. He took my dad and me into his back yard and behold, there was Jojo! I looked at him, he looked at me, and it was like I knew he needed a friend. Taking the scared howling monkey out of the cage, he handed Jojo to me. The monkey just clung to me shaking. Mind you this was no domesticated spider monkey, he was wild. But we bonded right there on the spot, one of God's creatures, and I. it seemed I was in heaven at that moment because mow I had something to love. My dad bought a 100 foot leash, and we took Jojo home and set him to the leash we attached to a very large mahogany tree in the back yard (yes, Mahogany grows in Panama) anyway Jojo took to the tree and went al through it exploring. The only problem was his leash got all tangled in the branches, and it was my job to get it untangled. This became a daily ritual. I would feed him down below using a short leash while climbing up the tree to retrieve the long leash. One day he was extremely agitated and I went to see what the entire hullabaloo was about, his screeching could be heard for miles. I went and found my younger brother taunting him with a stick. Well it was more like a branch that a stick. I went to intervene when he jumped onto my brother's back and bit him on him shoulder. Then Jojo ran up into the tree and sprayed diarrhea all over us, we ran for cover from the brown shower. My mom and dad interrogated us both on the incident, and the next day when I woke, Jojo was gone. He had been ripped out of my life forever.
Now the moral of this negative but true story is... well, there is no moral to it. It is just something I remembered by what Chris said..."I like monkeys". I hope it made you all feel as sad as I felt when my monkey was taken away from me. Hows tha for negative? _____________________
I am officialy lurking the forums, trying real hard to not be noticed...
Junk & stuff I do... http://tinyurl.com/3549gg |
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Conan Godwin
In ur base kilin ur d00ds
Join date: 2 Aug 2006
Posts: 3,676
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12-05-2007 10:57
When I was a kid, I lived in the country of Panama I have a Panama hat, if that helps any. _____________________
hateful much? dude, that was low. die. . |
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Okiphia Rayna
DemonEye Benefactor
Join date: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 2,103
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12-05-2007 10:58
I hope it made you all feel as sad Is it bad that your story made me wonder how monkey tastes? That was in my mind like the whole time... Sorry to hear you lost your beloved monkey but.. did you ever maybe have a nibble? _____________________
Owner of DemonEye Designs Custom Building and Landscaping
Owner and Blogger, Okiphia's Life http://okiphiablog.blogspot.com/ |
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Cristalle Karami
Lady of the House
Join date: 4 Dec 2006
Posts: 6,222
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12-05-2007 11:03
The moral of the story is... don't be an ass to monkeys, or you might get the ass back.
ROFL...sprayed with diarrhea. That's effing hilarious. I'm just sad you lost your pet. _____________________
Affordable & beautiful apartments & homes starting at 150L/wk! Waterfront homes, 575L/wk & 300 prims!
House of Cristalle low prim prefabs: secondlife://Cristalle/111/60 http://cristalleproperties.info http://careeningcristalle.blogspot.com - Careening, A SL Sailing Blog |
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Graphicguru Gustav
Accepts head scritchings!
Join date: 5 Oct 2007
Posts: 775
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Thanks!!!!!
12-05-2007 13:27
Thanks Conan, Okiphia, & Cristalle, I feel a little better in a negative sort of way...Its good to know there are people who can relate. Well it happend so long ago that it doesn't matter. But I hope Jojo is doing OK, as OK as a spider monkey can be under the circumstances
_____________________
I am officialy lurking the forums, trying real hard to not be noticed...
Junk & stuff I do... http://tinyurl.com/3549gg |
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Maggie McArdle
FIOS hates puppies
Join date: 8 May 2006
Posts: 2,855
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12-05-2007 14:23
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. When I got home, I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, and The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution: I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys.  _____________________
There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about lindens. Another, another interesting, uh, lindenism, uh, there are only three jobs available to a linden. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.You can bake cookies in a tree. But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every linden aspires to.
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Elora Lunasea
Mrs. Llama
Join date: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 4,828
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12-05-2007 14:28
I like monkeys. Thanks for making my day with that one (you must be feeling better if you had the strength to post that!) _____________________
 eloralunasea.blogspot.comHave you hugged a llama today?  |
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Maggie McArdle
FIOS hates puppies
Join date: 8 May 2006
Posts: 2,855
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12-05-2007 14:58
When I was a kid, I lived in the country of Panama, and had the miss-fortune of owning just ONE monkey. His name was Jojo... ‘Jojo the spider monkey’. He was a nervous little guy with a scar on the tip of his tail; that was where a bullet nicked him as a baby. Yeah, his mother was shot by a GI in a jungle survival class. They were supposed to eat from the jungle, and not from military rations. So these solders killed his mother, cooked her and ate her, while he looked on in horror. One of the GI's felt sorry for the little tyke and took him up in his arms. Later when they all went home, the baby monkey went with the GI. He kept Jojo in a very small cage, and poor Jojo, lonely for his mother, howled day and night. This GI couldn't take it any longer and started looking for a home for poor Jojo. He happened to be a friend of my dad, this GI. Well we were visiting them one day, and he asked me what kind of animals did I like. I told him I always liked monkeys...his eye grew wide and he smiled. He told me: "today is your lucky day!" my heart leaped within me. He took my dad and me into his back yard and behold, there was Jojo! I looked at him, he looked at me, and it was like I knew he needed a friend. Taking the scared howling monkey out of the cage, he handed Jojo to me. The monkey just clung to me shaking. Mind you this was no domesticated spider monkey, he was wild. But we bonded right there on the spot, one of God's creatures, and I. it seemed I was in heaven at that moment because mow I had something to love. My dad bought a 100 foot leash, and we took Jojo home and set him to the leash we attached to a very large mahogany tree in the back yard (yes, Mahogany grows in Panama) anyway Jojo took to the tree and went al through it exploring. The only problem was his leash got all tangled in the branches, and it was my job to get it untangled. This became a daily ritual. I would feed him down below using a short leash while climbing up the tree to retrieve the long leash. One day he was extremely agitated and I went to see what the entire hullabaloo was about, his screeching could be heard for miles. I went and found my younger brother taunting him with a stick. Well it was more like a branch that a stick. I went to intervene when he jumped onto my brother's back and bit him on him shoulder. Then Jojo ran up into the tree and sprayed diarrhea all over us, we ran for cover from the brown shower. My mom and dad interrogated us both on the incident, and the next day when I woke, Jojo was gone. He had been ripped out of my life forever. Now the moral of this negative but true story is... well, there is no moral to it. It is just something I remembered by what Chris said..."I like monkeys". I hope it made you all feel as sad as I felt when my monkey was taken away from me. Hows tha for negative?  _____________________
There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about lindens. Another, another interesting, uh, lindenism, uh, there are only three jobs available to a linden. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.You can bake cookies in a tree. But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every linden aspires to.
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Muddy Buchanan
Recovering Recluse
Join date: 29 Jan 2007
Posts: 31
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12-05-2007 15:09
Will you tedious imbeciles please stop wasting electrons and answer the OP's question?
Unfortunately, entropy ensures that this forum can only become more positive over time. The best we can hope for, is that more people eventually get a clue and start lurking instead. For pity's sake, just stop posting. You're only encouraging these insufferable, egotistical morons. Wooo! That was fun Awww, crap  |
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Graphicguru Gustav
Accepts head scritchings!
Join date: 5 Oct 2007
Posts: 775
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Omg!!!
12-05-2007 15:12
OMG!!!! Maggie!!! You made my day! Though that is not a spider monkey, it's still hilarious! And I hate you for it, I will withhold kisses indefinitely.
_____________________
I am officialy lurking the forums, trying real hard to not be noticed...
Junk & stuff I do... http://tinyurl.com/3549gg |
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Maggie McArdle
FIOS hates puppies
Join date: 8 May 2006
Posts: 2,855
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12-05-2007 15:15
OMG!!!! Maggie!!! You made my day! Though that is not a spider monkey, it's still hilarious! And I hate you for it, I will withhold kisses indefinitely. i know i couldnt find one, well one in a tree, lol no kisses!!  _____________________
There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about lindens. Another, another interesting, uh, lindenism, uh, there are only three jobs available to a linden. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.You can bake cookies in a tree. But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every linden aspires to.
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Graphicguru Gustav
Accepts head scritchings!
Join date: 5 Oct 2007
Posts: 775
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12-05-2007 15:27
no kisses!! Like I said...they are withheld, you didn't believe me? I am so negatively hurt, but then again in this thread (and only in this thread) I am looking to be hurt and negative...CHEERS!!!! _____________________
I am officialy lurking the forums, trying real hard to not be noticed...
Junk & stuff I do... http://tinyurl.com/3549gg |
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Ricardo Harris
Registered User
Join date: 1 Apr 2006
Posts: 1,944
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12-05-2007 15:28
i'm seriously planning a coronation ceremony for him. Oh, how sweet and thoughful. Bring one of your hammocks. If one needs to scratch, it's because they have an itch. |
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Trout Recreant
Public Enemy No. 1
Join date: 24 Jul 2007
Posts: 4,873
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12-05-2007 15:29
Like I said...they are withheld, you didn't believe me? I am so negatively hurt, but then again in this thread (and only in this thread) I am looking to be hurt and negative...CHEERS!!!! If you're negatively hurt, doesn't that mean that you are actually...whatever the opposite of hurt is? You aren't being positive in this thread are you? _____________________
A Trout Rating (tm) is something to cherish. To flaunt and be proud of. It is something all women should aspire to obtain! |
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Quick Stirling
Driveling Idiot
Join date: 3 Aug 2004
Posts: 33
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12-05-2007 15:38
I like monkeys.... OK, now my co-workers think I'm insane. They are right of course but I didn't want it confirmed! good one Chris...and I hate you! _____________________
The opinions above do not reflect those of the poster and should be ignored completely.
thank you. |
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3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
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12-05-2007 16:00
sorry, just had to. *bleah* |
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Chas Connolly
Registered User
Join date: 24 Jan 2007
Posts: 1,433
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12-05-2007 16:17
Oh, how sweet and thoughful. Bring one of your hammocks. If one needs to scratch, it's because they have an itch. 366 and counting .... _____________________
Logic : The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding - The Devil's Dictionary
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Rita Hainsworth
Registered User
Join date: 29 Jul 2006
Posts: 93
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12-05-2007 18:13
god, this sick loser thread is still going.....thank god!
_____________________
mysocalled2ndlife.com
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Oryx Tempel
Registered User
Join date: 8 Nov 2006
Posts: 7,663
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12-05-2007 18:14
god, this sick loser thread is still going.....thank god! It's all your fault, you freak. _____________________
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