Bully For You

I actively combat bullying in my real world - a bully who forces issues, upsets my work companons etc is immediately reprimanded,. Fortunately, in my line of work, it is relatively uncommon. I have experienced the impact of a bully, of course, but not to the extent that some people may have.

But - is there bullying in sl? There are opportunties, I think. Do you have any examples that you can share? Remember to include what may even be considered threats and self-righteousness (which are cousins of bullying) - being "sent to Coventry" by a group, cliquing, being threatened with ARs, building outlandish structures ...

Do you stand uo to a bully or simply shut off the computer? Even though its is hard to discern gender / nationality / age / culture etc are there obvious traits that point to a persona of a bully?

In SL, you can only be bullied if you allow it to happen. You can teleport away, log out, mute, ban, ignore, or leave altogether. If you sit and take it, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Of course, jerks and bullies exist everywhere since that is their nature. No matter where you go, there you are.

A couple of non-griefing, or not exactly griefing examples:

Once someone took it upon themselves to ORDER me to speak to them and also to come stand next to them and face them. I barely tolerate orders in real life, and then only if I'm in the hubris-crazed party's employ. Naturally I chose to rise above it and completely ignore the boor, which made him furious and so he began issuing more orders and making more demands, but he could do no more than that.

I feel it is my civic duty to allow these types to raise their own blood pressure to the point we will no longer be plagued with them.
___________

My alt was once surrounded by a group of -- let's call them boys -- who blocked my entrance to a store, insisting that I was a female posing in a male avatar and that I must prove my gender to them to pass. I muted them, cammed into the store and made my purchases anyway, letting them push my avatar around until they grew bored.

You see it isn't just female avatars that get questioned, though I believe they would have asked me to prove I was a dog if I'd shown up in my beagle avatar. On that occassion silence was not enough - so I did type in text chat that I was successfully making my purchases and that they were utterly ineffective. I did this only because there was no way for them to know I was shopping in spite of them.

similar to Weston's scenario...group of "gangsta" type girls in a large store started barging me...then when I ignored that, name calling, suggesting I was a man etc...I ignored them (but felt a bit sad about too) carried on with my shopping, then copied the text to the store owner , who promptly banned them from her store.

I have also experienced the gansta types bullying me around when trying to shop

this was when I was first a mentor and forgot my mentor tag on, that seemed to spark something in them, and they kept doing some kind of attack that would cause me to fly upward but I would get stuck at the ceiling.

I just cammed and did my shopping, when I was done I wished them a nice day and left

after leaving one of them im'd me with comments that would make a sailor blush, it was at that time that I AR'd the person and muted. Each of them took a turn im'ing me with the worst language I have ever seen (and I grew up with 6 boys , country living (redneck?), I was used to the crude language)
I just ar'd and muted each in turn

yes I think there is bullying in SL

Where to do you and Weston shop? lol

ETA: And Rharoth

There are now roving bands of "gangstas" interfering with shopping?

(Not at all trying to make light of this...but...don't people have something better to do...I guess it's another form for griefing for the Lulz for them )

There are attempts at bullying in SL, just like RL. Bullies are only happy if they actually get a response from you - and unlike RL, in SL it is actually easier to not give them that. I will not even let a bully chase me out of somewhere -- Mute and AR are your friends here. If by chance the bully owns the area and bans you - who cares?

It is really no different that internet trolls - we choose whether or not to give them the attention they want and can only blame ourselves if we then get upset by it.

You need power to bully - physical or mental, and in sl surely you can't effectively have physical power can you? I suppose if you allow someone else to manipulate you mentally you can be bullied, sometimes without even knowing it. How does that differ from Master/Slave or Dom/Sub though, where you volunteer to be bullied I suppose?

/What's the difference between griefing and bullying?

In my mind, griefing is nothing more than an attempt to bully. Though there might be some that really do not care what, if any, response they get and simply do it for the fun of it and the attention. Those people would simply be childish assholes.

This group of gangsters used to attack me for being short. lol.

oh yah, They will gesture spam you, hit on you, put you down, try to draw a lot of attention to themselves, etc all loud and obnoxious.
One time a few fems gave my friend a hard time, he was speed teleporting around w/ me and I wanted to stop somewhere to demo hair I finally found and didn't mind.
When he was besting them, he's pretty funny in an educated way, they turned on both of us.
What was funny is they accused him of being a fem and me a guy and we know! ea other irl hah so it was really stupid and funny to us.

On a side note in SL, bullying comes in many forms and sources and pecking orders, which is dismaying. Who wants to stand around out bantering some one all the time or feel uninvited when they have been, I have better things to do and usually do.

I've had some similar experiences too. Mute an AR are your friends, then jes go about your business.

I haven't had a chance to play with those types... Or, at least, be on the receiving end of it. =^-^=

i've noticed that most bullies when it comes to chat or forums just try to get under your skin..

pretty much the same thing in sl..and most times they need a crowd..
the best way to handle a bully that i have found is to either act like they do not exist or show them exactly just how stupid they are acting at the moment if there is some way you can't get away from them..

if they go direct to swearing at you they are pretty much kids ..if they try to act intelligent then later go to swearing they may be are older and losing the battle..

the best way is to let them know they are not phasing you at all and you could care less..

most times an ."ok you win yay for you hero" or a "whatever lol" works more than anything..

let them know you care about what they are saying or doing as much as you care about the lint count in your pocket..
it's like putting a collar on a puppy for the first time..confused and wondering what just happened..
most times you get an F-U or something so they can get the last word in to save what they think is face in the crowd and most times leave or become real quiet.
this is my experiences..i can't speak for anyone else..

I prefer to just ignore them and let them die.

It only worries me when I see it at Welcome Areas because I'm afraid it may be driving away new residents. On the other hand, I'm never quite sure what I'm seeing at Welcome Areas, so the apparent bullying may just be some elaborate role-play between practiced buffoons and freshly-minted throw-away alts.

When I got a piece of land, there was a little shop right next to it, facing away from the road and on to my parcel. His door to his shop was right on the border. I sent the owner an IM to ask if they wouldn't like to rotate it so the door faced the road because I was going to be building. No response, so I started, hugging the other border as closely as possible. The wall by his shop was about 10M away from his door, that was the best I could do. Suddenly this guy in a monkey avatar shows up and starts swearing at me and demanding that I move the wall...I try to strike up a conversation and he just keeps telling me "you better move that wall or you'll be sorry..." so I moved it. Right to the border. Then he was telling me he was gonna get me for messing with him...I asked if he was going to throw poop at me, then I muted him. The next day his shop was gone and I never heard another word from him.

omg this was just too good
hahahaha..

The only bullying I've encountered was from people obviously in SL to grief, but it's the same basic mentality. Ignoring in various ways so they don't get a response is one valid response - if you don't know what else to do or have Gandhi-like patience. Far better, in my experience, is to find an approach that makes it clear you "won" and they "lost" the encounter - clear at least to both of you. Humiliation is their game, and the desperately don't want to be on the receiving end. It is better still if they are humiliated in the presence of an audience. Audience or no, they don't come back for more, and hopefully they learn something.

Yep, around here that works well.

I used to occasionally get someone being mean to me while I was helping newbies. A favourite was repeatedly driving the newbie car into me on Help Island. Fortunately, I usually just put on a Non-Phys shield, which was always amusing, as they would slam the car into me and watch as the car buckled while I remained resolutely in place.

However, bullying by "cliqueishness" is much more common on SL - you can't avoid it by "teleporting away" if the bullying is in the form of stopping you doing something social you want to, by pulling anyone else who might be interested away from you.

I've been accused of bullying people a few times on this forum and especially on SLU where they are very touchy. However I have allways maintained that I am outspoken, forthright and opinionated and my motives are never intended to be malicious. However if I am debating a subject and I am faced with an overwhelmingly ignorant or stupid argument, my language can get colourful and my tone of phrase aggressive. This is only to facilitate getting my point accross rather than deliberately trying to upset someone.

I think the motives behind a person's actions are more important than the actions themselves when determining if someone is a bully. I will also apologise in an instance where somebody thinks I have gone too far, which I think wins me a 'non-bully' point.

All bullies are equal - but some bullies are more equal than others?