Virtual Reality or Real Life Online?

Hi everyone

The was a story on the radio this morning when I was driving my kids to achool about pictures of a woman breast feeding her kids getting banned from facebook.



I know many people wrapped up in myspace, Face book, etc who Plaster pictures and information about themselves all over the net. The spend time Chatting, Voicing, Camming with people they have never met. Giving out their phone number, etc. Eharmony.com and the whole bit.

On the other side are people who want to keep their private lives private. The have unlisted Phone numbers, they dont own web cams. They wouldnt think of giving strangers access to them on some website. When they date people for real they first meet them in real life, etc.

Thing is this idea is begining to encroach more and more into Second Life. While for a long time SL was mainly for those who wanted to experience a virtual world. More and more its becoming the Real World online in 3D.

The obvious step LL has made in the Myspace vein is the addition of Voice chat, But also there is the active courting of Corporations. This Identity verification that will allow you to share "verified RL information".

More and more people I meet in SL see it more as a Social networking site like myspace and are very much into the exchange of RL information with the obvious hopes of some sort of Eharmony / Match.com Deal.

Personally My Real Life is more private than that, I dont have a myspace account. The whole idea boggles my mind. I wouldnt think of using Eharmony any more than I would have personal ads before the internet. My phone number is unlisted. I even limit how much I use my cell phone.

I just wonder how many people are here for a Virtual Reality Experience, and how many here want Real Life Online.

And how many feel they are begining to be crowded by those who want it to be Real Life Online.

At first I was going to check an extension of RL, then I saw "Some aspects of Reality are fine - But I dont want SL to be a 3d Eharmony/Myspace " and clickd that right away.

I am a very open person about my RL so far as to have even used my RL name as my avi name, I`m not here to play some virtual reality game with people, but initially, that openess still only goes so far for me here in SL. On myspace however, its different, and youre pretty much an outcast on myspace if you dont have photos of yourself up. according to the myspace masses, theres no reason for you to be there unless youre going to knock down your anonymity- no one wants to chat with someone with no image, its just creepy!

For me, i dont want SL to be that. Even though many internet "hangout" places are for that (Eg, youtube- window to so many average peoples lives). While im the same person on SL as in RL i do not want any one to just be able to open my profile and find out age, race, sexual orientation, schooling (All of these things are shown on myspace, and im sure eharmony as well)...No thanks! If i get to know you personally, theres a time to share these things, but to have it available to any one? No way!!! Thats what I like about SL, its not EXPECTED you dump your purse out on the table, so to speak.


SL isnt a joke to me, but that doesnt mean I am willing to expose every aspect of my life as one would do on justin.tv and I hope it doesnt come to that. After all, it is SECOND life. knowledge of my first life is a "priviledge", information you may get if i choose to give it, it should not be expected.

I chose door # 1 on this one originally, but I guess #3 is more accurate. I do share my RL privately with some people, and reading Jesse's post makes me agree with #3.

A culture of privacy is necessary for safety. Wisely, most people give up privacy only after very careful consideration.

One of Second Life's great strengths is the large number of people involved in it who would not fit into the stereotype for an MMO. We have a large number of women, and a large number of middle-aged adults. These folks tend to highly value their privacy for real-life related reasons that have nothing to do with whether they are roleplaying or using SL as a social zone. LL needs to clearly see that.

If SL is pushed hard enough in the RL direction that it becomes difficult to maintain one's privacy and security while using it, I predict that people in the nontraditional demographics will tend to leave.

Another concern arises if the teen grid ever merges with SL. I note that Habbo Hotel absolutely forbids the sharing of real-life information. It's very risky for minors to do so. The fact that so many people expose themselves in a place like myspace doesn't make it smart.

If business-related avatars NEED to merge RL and SL, they can announce this on their own company websites. This is better authentication than any other scheme I can think of, it's free and fully under user control, and it doesn't require a re-tooling of the grid. For example, if I was job interviewing in SL, I'd also fill out a form on the company website and send them a resume loaded with my RL data.

I use SL for reasons that relate to RL and as a result I'm in an intermediate zone of self-revelation. But I'm an old hand on the online social scene and have some sense of what I can safely get away with.

The worst scenario would be if SL was pushed in the direction of a match.com-like dating site. Pulling our RL information directly into the SL identity on that scale would destroy the openness and freedom from discrimination that is one of the best things about Second Life. That freedom is also one of the main draws to women and older residents. Bringing back all of the real-world biases, that limit social interaction in reality, destroys the value of Second Life as a place to recreate yourself, free from the prejudices of others.

Finally, there is the issue of how to go about meeting people in SL that you would like to meet in RL. I've done this, and it has worked out well. But context is everything. There is nothing in a detailed user profile, of the sort that you would find on a dating site, that can reduce my distrust of a stranger, and so like many people I won't use a dating site.

What DOES reduce my distrust is a chance to freely interact with someone, and get a sense of that person's personality and character. By the time we're ready to share any RL info, we've got all kinds of resources for that, such as voice chat or mutually shared RL interest groups. Exposing my personal information in SL doesn't actually do anything to increase my chance of meeting an RL friend or partner here, and it doesn't improve the safety risks inherent in this process. It takes RL resources, such as a mutual social or business network, to make meeting people safely in RL a more certain bet.

#3

There are some people who will only ever know Cherry.

There are some people who know Cherry, but details. I'd class voice use in that actually.

There ARE some people from SL who have some very detailed RL knowledge about me, in particular one whom I am working on getting some business in his RL - I have no qualms at all about this person knowing my business info - no risk other than his time outside SL.

I kind of regret my ex knowing so much about me but I don't think he'd ever cause any problems RL. I'd not have let him into the inner sanctum in the first place.

Plenty of people know all about me RL. They've got drunk with me in my house for a start. Or completely incinerated barbeques with me.

There are some people I am slowly getting closer and closer to who I will share things with ... loved and trusted person in particular.

HOWEVER I hate intrusion of RL into SL. I hate getting IMs saying 'How old are you' and 'Are you married?' they get the SL answer. I hate people pushing for pictures or, frankly, posting non in-world pictures on their profile. There should be an 'Other stuff about me' tab, not a 1st Life one.

I hate people with webcams and trolling for the same tired nonsense you can get anywhere else. This is my world and my imagination, I don't want or need to see your flaccid webcam shots thanks. Especially not if you are a 'girl' and unashamed to show the truth. I don't wanna know!

Basically, Cherry is me projected into SL. What I say and do are what I would say and do really - granted, some of it might never happen cos I can't afford to buy tropical paradises BUT I am myself.

I'll have to read it after I have coffee, but Nnicely said Brenda. I wamt Second Life to essentially that. A second life, not First Life deluxe. Ididn't come here looking for a RL partner, I can find one in RL if I want to. There is nothing wrong if someone does find RL Love here, but it shouldn't be a main objective of the platform. Many of us are here to sneak away from for awhile, or totally escape their first lives. Plastering our real identities all over the place, or creating a climate where it is wxpected you reveal your identity to anyone who asks woudld probably drive a lot away, starting with me. I won't trust anyone any more just because their profile tells me who and where they allegedly are. That comes with time, and there are plenty of methods available to assist in that that don't entail invading everyone's privacy. *Goes off to grind coffee beans*

Plenty of milk please and no sugar!

You got it Brenda especially the first part. I guess some of the experience I have from the UK BDSM scene gives me the line - I am used to chatting online and getting to know people offline via relatively defined community things both tame and ... not so ... lol ... but invariably these are people with shared interests who are friends rather than looking for something else.

Thank you! Here, let me pour you some chocolate milk. I add it to my morning coffee and it's great

Thanks! Yes, exactly. *pours you some chocolate milk*

Friendship would come first before "other stuff" for me anyway.

This is a concern of mine. As I feel there is some of this starting to take place.

Fantastic, TY - I forgot to take lunch to work today

There are surely data protection laws to prevent that tho Colette hon ... there certainly is in the UK.

As to anything else ... proudly claim 'Bog Off, Nosy' as I intend to do with anything I don't want to be bothered with. It's all optional, other than abiding by the ToS.

I'll have the Chocolate Milk on the side, thanks. I'd never ruin a good cup of Coffee by putting anything into it...at least anything non alcoholic.

Some people huh ...

/me gets back to work

Another worry. Is it verification related? I'm seeing a lot of people basically saying no to verification before it even happens, and I wonder if it's discouraging people from going premium.

Well, I am off to work - been great having breakfast with you all - see you soon

Enjoy your workday, hon. As I will enjoy my day off thanks to our Hebrew friends, who I want to wish a Happy Rosh Hashanna.

I chose option #3. As a performing musician in SL it makes sense for me to have a certain amount of linkage between RL & SL. After all I want people to know more about my music, to download my recordings and even buy a few CD's. Like Cherry, there's people I know in SL who I've met and hung out with in RL as well as RL friends who I've introduced to SL and in general it's been just fine.

What I dislike are:
1) People coming up to me in SL and demanding RL information out of me.

2) People coming up to me and throwing what they claim to be their RL info at me with the presumption that I'll divulge RL info about myself.

3) People who divulge what they claim to be RL information about others for bitching / backstabbing / drama purposes.

Now I know that alot of people do use SL as another online dating forum. That's great for them and I'm sure it works fine but that's not why I'm in SL.

Unfortunately, sweetie, Data Protection Laws are a joke here in The Colonies. If they were designed to protect Business, than we'd have them all over the place.

Nice post. I don't quite feel as intensely about safety and security as you do and I'm a woman and middle aged but I do agree that I really don't want RL info for most people I meet in SL. And from what I've heard, most info on dating sites isn't true anyway..just another fantasy self (if so many of them like walks on the beach, why aren't they meeting each other there?).

I do think that getting to interact with people in SL does give you insight pretty quickly into their character. But I don't find getting to know people in RL or SL that different really, still emotions involved and its still messy..people (me included) are just messy past a certain point so I'm not sure what the safety issue is?

But I picked #1 cause I didn't realize it was referring to dating profiles..I thought it was more about SL being a part of my RL and pretty seamlessly.

QForT

The actual Poll results arent really important I just was curious about the general trends.

Sometimes Linden Labs seems to want to take us to Option Number 2.

Sometimes they seem to want us to be option 3.


A long time ago they were fimly option 1.

Option 1 is the least economically lucrative for them, whereas 2 is probably the best. Hopefully 3 will be wher they settle as it seems to be the most agreeable.

Your World, Your Imagination. I really don't care how people use SL. If they want to use it like MySpace, fine. If they want to entertain completely seperate persona's, never giving me (I'm not talking about LL, just me) any information about RL, fine. As long as neither of these groups try to force me to use SL the same way, I have no problem with anybody.

As for myself: there is always part of my SL life that is set apart from RL. My waist isn't that small in RL, my skin not that perfect, I can't sew real dresses, and I can't cobble real shoes. It's still me sitting behind the keyboard and making all the decisions though, my avatar is not a completely separate persona.
I don't think other residents have any right to access my personal RL info. I do think they have a right to ask. Just as I have the right to answer them fully or partly, decline to answer or outright ignore them, purely based on my mood at the time.

Slightly off topic: I do think LL have a right to know some of my personal info. I think a company cannot be obligated to enter into a contract without knowledge of the identity of the other party in the contract. And I do not have some inalienable right to enter into a contract without providing my identity or any other information a company requires. If part of the contract means they will share my personal info with others though, or if they require more information than I am willing to share, I will just respectfully decline to be a party in that contract.

"if so many of them like walks on the beach, why aren't they meeting each other there?)."

LOL good one Dnali

I'm really very middle of the road with SL versus RL. I agree with Dnali that dating sites and the like, are littered with deceipt.... look at all the flippin porn that infiltrates dating sites...come on.. It comes down to having good gut instincts and character assesment of others. I always say that, and I stand by it. Some folks are a lot more intuitive than others. That's just human nature.

SL isn't a 'game' with a point .... the only point is to go in and do what we want, explore, be creative, and socialize. Some folks love RP.... as a writer I could RP easily....but SL really is just an extension of me....that little voice in my head that never gets to come out and play.....runs rampant in SL. LOL I don't mind telling people basic personal info... it doesn't effect my SL experience. I'm not in it to lie or deceive anyway....so yeah, I'll be honest with folks, but all of that stems from my instincts.....the 'vibe' I'm getting. There are certain things I wont discuss with certain people simply because I know it would not be wise (same is true in RL however lol)

One of the great aspects of SL is that we do have the luxury to hide or reveal whatever we choose about ourselves.....and it's all considered ok because it IS a virtual world. For each of us, that definition is slightly different and that kind of 'anything goes' environment is what gives SL such mass appeal. I'd hate to see it become a psuedo myspace....but I highly doubt it would (too much else going on) but nor would I enjoy a world where everyone was sooooo secretive that I couldn't even make a genuine friend. I like that I am 'myself' in SL....I don't think I CAN be anything else.