Do you follow RL etiquette in SL?

I've been out of SL for months now so I'm basically a noob re-born, anyway I was wondering if you think there is such a thing as SL etiquette?

I was lying on a hammock the other day and some guy came and lay next to me and embraced me; he didn't even say anything and it made me feel quite uncomfortable so I teleported away.
Also, when offering friendship, surely it's the done thing to actually talk to a person first? I got abuse just now because I declined a friendship offer from a total stranger..
Am I going about this all wrong? Am I just being a bit uptight?

I mean, you (I assume) wouldn't walk up to a stranger in RL and say "Be my friend?' would you?

I've been out of the loop for a while so can someone fill me in on e-etiquette?

i treat people like they are real people and not a toon. People don't always remember there are real people behind the screen. I beleive in ethical behavior ; no lying, no stealing, treat someone as you want to be treated etc...

I follow RL etiquette in SL, for the most part anyway. Some things are a bit different in SL, but yea, I would think someone would ask before embracing. When I was fresh off orientation, I had a couple people just come up and give me a hug and take a picture and gave it to me. That didn't bother me, but what you just mentioned happened to you.......that would probably bother me a little as well. I agree with the friendship thing, I think it is better to get to know someone a bit more before asking for friendship but everyone's view might be different on that. Usually, if I don't know them, I will accept it and then delete it later.

There is certainly such a thing as good etiquette in SL, but just like in RL there are always those who are social morons, as you found out. Offering friendship without even speaking to someone first is a real no-no, but you might avoid stepping on someone's feelings, or worse (as you experienced), by simply accepting the friendship offer, then later quietly deleting the person from your friend list.

As to the guy who hopped in the hammock...boorish yes...but I don't think it's the norm.

I offer usually friendship to whomever wants my friendship, or don't turn it away but they may not stay on friend list.
And I try to treat other avatars as fellow human beings with respect, kindness,etc as much as I am capable of but some days I am grumpy, keep to myself and I just want to do my own thing but even those days if someone really wants to visit or be shown around Faeria, SL or needs help I do so even though there sometimes I really don't want to be helpful.

Yeah the friendship thing can be tricky, I don't want to offend anyone.
It just seems a bit odd to offer friendship without saying anything, and then dissapearing!

If its a noob I let it go, but most of these people have been in SL for years. And you're right Trolane - I think people do forget that there is a person behind the avatar.

Using a fair bit of RL sensibilities also, to me, rounds out the experience of being in a graphic environment. Cozing up with someone in a hammock is basically RP but not making sure that it's okay is the equivalent of playing Donkey Kong. What's the point of interracting graphically if only your side of the viewscreen matters? (I hope you got to say something terribly incisive and clever regarding his blingy noob sneakers before you dashed off.)

The same holds true for little courtesies such as turning to face the person with whom you're speaking even though it hardly matters where you stand. Or leaving the room to get changed even though it seems silly take offense to an unclothed cartoon character. While I'm not much into what is generally considered RP, interacting with others within the visual parameters of my screen is far more immersive than sending an IM to the other side of the grid. I suspect others feel the same or they wouldn't be congregating in the same place

It only makes sense to apply RL etiquette because, certainly, it would be onerous and pretty much impossible to agree on a whole new set (certain states of newbie-hood, cultural differences and language barriers notwithstanding )

B.

Wow - I might have actually orbitted him for that, as I find that to be extremely rude.

Actually I believe its a new trend for Party hosts. They go out and get as many 'friends' as they can and then spam you to come to a party they are hosting/dancing at. I've had a few of those already and becuase of that, I do not accept a friendship request on the first time I meet someone.

JulieAnne

I try to do the same, I don't even offer photos to anyone unless I tell them first.

"CX"

Welcome back to SL Scarlett.

Like LittleMe, I would not have been so calm with the guy who jumped in the hammock with me - they'd have been told that spot was for my partner only, after which if they didn't get the hint, would be orbited! Look at it this way, if it was in RL and someone uninvited joined me in a hammock, they'd be spinning out of it fairly rapidly!

As for friendships, I don't see why people who've never met an av before should think it's OK to offer friendship without uttering a word, so personally, to save the unnessessary earache I accept then remove from my list fairly quickly. I usually can't be bothered with a 'discussion' with strangers about why I refused their friendship offer.

Regardless of how people see SL i.e. just a game or an escape from RL etc, people need to remember that behind every av is a REAL human and they are an eclectic bunch of randomness that all have their own feelings and opinions!

A lot of us at the Hangout take photos to post to Flickr and we will quite often upload some and give them to the people in them. I apologize to you in advance because I probably won't remember to tell you before I offer you the photo, but I really do not mean to be rude by offering you a copy of the pic. That said, the group at the Hangout is the only group that I do photos that way with.

I treat people in SL the same way I treat them in RL. This may be a virtual world but let me assure you that emotions in SL are very very REAL!!!!

I think he means RL pics.. Maybe I'm wrong.

I never thought of that - I've never offered anyone a RL pic, but most definitely would not do that without talking to them about it first.

Ooh now that sounds like fun, hehe, how do you orbit people?


All in all, I think it just comes down to common sense, and as we know, there are people both in RL and SL that are lacking that quality!

I've always used RL Ettiquette in SL. As far as it goes.

I had the same experience as the OP too!

My fiancee & I just discovered this new thing called "Second Life".
She TP'd somewhere & asked me to join her as some guy was talking to her (mostly about sex).
I TP'd to her & we decided to try some poseballs.
What we didnt know was, they were "adult" poseballs.

The other guy decided to join in.

My fiancee hasnt been back since.

BUT- she loves me enough to see how much I enjoy it here & bought me a Premium Membership for Valentines Day. Been keeping it up myself ever since.

If you have the full version MystiTool, it has an orbit weapon -- I must warn you that to orbit someone is considered an AR'able offense, but most newbie jerks wouldn't know that.

Even if they do. sometimes it's worth the risk.

Yes unfortunately it takes all sorts to make the world go round and some are not lucky enough to know what common sense and rational thought are all about!

To orbit people you can purchase 'gadgets' that do various jobs like protection etc (Mystitool is one of the more popular ones on the market)

I try to follow RL norms as much as possible in SL, and I thik most people do. Maybe our perspective is that they don't because the ones who don't really stand out in our memories. Cozying up to a stranger in a hammock like that was totally out of line. Offering friendship without even talking to someone is a no-no, but maybe the guy who did it was new and just didn't understand how SL works. I would have declined and told him why, and if he didn't like it, mute.

It's an accountability issue for some people. They can get into SL and be total a-holes and there are no RL consequences. If someone tried to cuddle up to you like that in RL, he'd get his face slapped off, or at least dumped on his butt out of the hammock. In SL, he can get away with it with no real harm. People treat that like a license to be rude. It's unfortunate.

...as much as I wish I didn't have to, yep...unless you wanna be banned, you have to follow ettiquette in SL. On the internet we have even more potential for misunderstandings and attacks than in RL...nobody can just walk up and shoot you and get away with it in a mall in RL (...well maybe in an extremely rare case).

There are also a lot of countries represented, and to be understood by each other, we kinda have to act and communicate in a certain way...I'm sure almost everybody who's been in SL for over a few months, has had somebody start "flaming" them, just because they misunderstood a phrase you said.

Just like meatspace, there are common curtisies that most people follow. Also just like real life, there are those who take advantage of your sense of hospitality.

When some one calls your house and starts trying to sell you something or asking for money for whatever reason; hang up. It is not rude to protect yourself.

When you accept a friendship offer, they have your calling card. Even after you drop them from your friends, they still have your card. Therefore, if someone offers friendship without any form of conversation, there is no reason to accept it. Just decline. It is not rude to protect yourself. Let me say that one more time, IT IS NOT RUDE TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

Don't get in a car with a stranger, don't accept gifts from people you do not know and don't accept friendship offers unless you want to be friends. Do not let someone whio is pushy and rude push you into doing something you know is not what is right.


sory, I'll calm down now ...

I do have some hope. A very kind and tech savvy newbie asked to sit with me the other day. I was reading under my tree and he just sat on the ground. We chatted. After a nice, congenial chat he asked if he could offer friendship. Then he said "thanks for the chat, I'll let you get back to reading..." and TPd away.

It left me with warm fuzzies.

Pretty sad, huh? There should be just as many people who come into SL with common sense, as there are the huge majority of idiots.