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Thought for the day-Good Friday 2005

Dirk Kennedy
Registered User
Join date: 7 Feb 2005
Posts: 39
03-25-2005 09:33
Luke 23:50-53

50Now there was a man named Joseph, a member of the Council, a good and upright man, 51who had not consented to their decision and action. He came from the Judean town of Arimathea and he was waiting for the kingdom of God. 52Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus' body. 53Then he took it down, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid.

It had been a long night. An urgent messenger, telling him that the Sanhedrin was gathering at the high priest’s house to hear a matter of utmost importance, had ousted him out of bed. When he got there, it was chaotic. There was talk of bringing in the rabble-rouser, but he couldn’t get someone to quiet down enough to tell him what was going on.

Suddenly he heard a commotion in the courtyard as the temple guards escorted a bound prisoner into the chamber where the Sanhedrin were gathering. He strained to catch a glimpse of who it was, but a large and riotious crowd surrounded the prisoner. He stole a glance at the high priest, and was surprised to see the usually sober Caiaphis with a smirk on his face. His heart fell as the prisoner was shoved into the middle of the room, and he saw it was Jesus.

The rest of the night seemed like a blur. Charge after charge was made against the rabbi from Galilee, only to be contradicted by someone else’s charge. Finally, in frustration, the high priest called for a vote- guilty of blasphemy to be taken. He immediately rose in protest; there was no evidence to support such a verdict! But, he was shouted down by the rest of the Sanhedrin.

He followed Jesus through the going to Pilate, then to Herod, and back to Pilate again. Surely, Pilate saw through the petty jealousy of the Sanhedrin and would release Jesus, but there seemed to be an inevitable march toward putting Jesus to death. Nothing seemed to be working the way it should. It was as if some power was going to see Him dead, and nothing could stop it. He felt numb from the shock, and yet he just could not abandon Him to the fates.

Then Pilate brought Jesus before the crowds. Finally, his heart soared. These people had cried hosanna just a week ago. Jesus was as good as freed now. Pilate seemed to want to find a way to free him. The crowds would gladly take Him over that murderer and thief Barabas.

He couldn’t believe his ears as the crowd screamed their hatred of Jesus. He felt as if all of Jerusalem was mad with violence, as if some force had driven all sense out of them, and all that was left was some bloodthirsty need to see Jesus die. Didn’t they see the suffering He had already endured? Didn’t they see his flesh hanging in ribbons? Didn’t they see his face so badly beaten that he was barely recognizable? Didn’t they see the bruises, the cuts, the blood dripping off His forehead? It was doubtful that Jesus would even survive this beating, why put Him through the additional humiliation of a crucifixion?

He watched as Jesus was herded through the streets, forced to carry His own instrument of death. He watched as the Romans beat Him for falling. He watched as the crowds jeered and spat on Him. He watched as the Romans drove the nails, and heard Jesus screams as the cross dropped into place. From a distance, he wept and watched for hours as Jesus struggled to breath, and finally succumbed. He watched the sky grow dark, and felt the ground shake, as if all of nature cried out at the injustice of what just took place.

He stood by as the Roman crucifixion detail walked past him, joking and taking bets on how long this one would hang before falling to the ground. He saw the centurion, walking slowly behind the detail, his head held low. Normally he strode through the streets, his head held high and his cold eyes challenging everyone he came across, yet something now had changed in him. He seemed deflated and defeated; an empty shell of the once proud soldier.

Joseph looked again toward the lonely hill where three men hung dead. Something inside him rose up and snapped him out of the zombie like daze that had been over him for the last several hours. He felt an urgency rise up within him. He couldn’t let Jesus hang there. He had to do something. Jesus’ friends and followers were nowhere in sight and someone had to do the right thing. He had the necessary power, wealth, and influence, so perhaps Pilate would see him. Joseph walked quickly to Pilate’s house, and asked to see him. To his surprise, he was immediately ushered in, and the normally contentious Pilate simply agreed to let him take the body down and bury it.

He only had a little time. Twilight was fast approaching, and the Sabbath would be upon him. He forced himself to blink back the tears as he worked to honor the body of Jesus. He forced back the sickness in his stomach as he looked upon the ravaged body and quickly but tenderly wrapped Jesus as best he could. There wasn’t time to find a place to bury Him, so Joseph brought Him to his own tomb. He watched as his servants knocked away the rock that held the huge stone in place, and watched it slowly roll over the entrance. Finally, the dam of tears broke, and he wept openly. Yet surprisingly, he felt at peace for the first time in hours. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he felt as if something had just changed, and some yet more glorious was around the corner...

This, of course, is a dramatization of what took place almost 2,000 years ago. I believe it to be historically accurate from the biblical accounts and writings of the early church. There is a central point I would like to share with you this Good Friday about Joseph that I believe we should take the day and meditate on.

He beheld the ravaged body of Jesus, and wept.

That is the theme of Good Friday. It is a bittersweet day of remembrance. It is a time to remember the indescribable love of a Father that couldn’t stand to see His children separated from Him. That is the sweet.

The bitter is that we have to consider and behold the beaten body of Jesus. Remember that it was our sin that drove Him to the cross. Take time to think about the agony He endured, because He could not stand to think of anyone enduring the endless agony of hell. Think of the price He paid, because He couldn’t think of a heaven without you.

Remember why He is called the savior. Also, remember that the story didn’t end here, as Resurrection Sunday is on the way! Jesus is alive!

With much Love and many blessings

Dirk
Darko Cellardoor
Cannabinoid Addict
Join date: 10 Nov 2003
Posts: 1,307
03-25-2005 09:45
Oh shit not this again! Haha.

God is dead! :D
Talen Morgan
Amused
Join date: 2 Apr 2004
Posts: 3,097
03-25-2005 09:52
http://www.christonthecrapper.com/cgi-bin/crucifun.cgi
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Chip Midnight
ate my baby!
Join date: 1 May 2003
Posts: 10,231
03-25-2005 09:53
I'm worn out. Your turn, Darko. Happy Easter to those who celebrate it.
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Talen Morgan
Amused
Join date: 2 Apr 2004
Posts: 3,097
03-25-2005 09:55
What about Eric?
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Rose Karuna
Lizard Doctor
Join date: 5 Jun 2004
Posts: 3,772
03-25-2005 10:04
From: Chip Midnight
I'm worn out. Your turn, Darko. Happy Easter to those who celebrate it.



/*** sighs & nods :)



.
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Paris Cellardoor
Jefa del Cartel
Join date: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 867
03-25-2005 10:08
From: Talen Morgan
What about Eric?


LMFAO.... :D
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Darko Cellardoor
Cannabinoid Addict
Join date: 10 Nov 2003
Posts: 1,307
03-25-2005 10:19
From: Chip Midnight
I'm worn out. Your turn, Darko. Happy Easter to those who celebrate it.


Haha. Fuck that! Thank you nonetheless buddy.

Viva la Easter Bunny! :D
Darko Cellardoor
Cannabinoid Addict
Join date: 10 Nov 2003
Posts: 1,307
03-25-2005 10:20
From: Talen Morgan
What about Eric?


Brilliant! :D
Talen Morgan
Amused
Join date: 2 Apr 2004
Posts: 3,097
03-25-2005 10:32
Probably going to hell soooooo :D
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Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day...set a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life :D
Paris Cellardoor
Jefa del Cartel
Join date: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 867
03-25-2005 10:39
From: Talen Morgan
Probably going to hell soooooo :D


HAHA...*applauds* Where do you get such great anti-religion images? LOVE IT!! I am good at getting the Bushites all pissywith my anti-Bush images. :D
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Talen Morgan
Amused
Join date: 2 Apr 2004
Posts: 3,097
03-25-2005 10:48
From: Paris Cellardoor
HAHA...*applauds* Where do you get such great anti-religion images? LOVE IT!! I am good at getting the Bushites all pissywith my anti-Bush images. :D



We all have our niche :D
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Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day...set a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life :D
Jeska Linden
Administrator
Join date: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 2,388
03-25-2005 11:43
This thread is being locked as intolerance is against our Community Standards and will not be allowed in the Forums. (copied below for reference)

(Intolerance:
The use of derogatory or demeaning language or images in reference to another Resident's race, ethnicity, gender, religion, or sexual orientation is never allowed in Second Life.)


(edited to add: currently locked )
Seth Kanahoe
political fugue artist
Join date: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 1,220
03-25-2005 11:53
Well, it's not locked.

May I suggest that a better way to get a point across is to share a parable or moral-based story with similar intent from another faith, creed, or philosophy? Where are the Buddhists, Stoics, Shintoists, etc., out there?
Talen Morgan
Amused
Join date: 2 Apr 2004
Posts: 3,097
03-25-2005 12:00
From: Talen Morgan
Probably going to hell soooooo :D



Hmmm I've seen genitals posted in the forums without so much as an edit but posting a picture of Christ performing YMCA and you get edited....
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Asha Lumiere
Registered User
Join date: 1 Jun 2004
Posts: 197
03-25-2005 12:35
You're all a bunch of intolerant trolls, if you don't like it don't read it ok.
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Seth Kanahoe
political fugue artist
Join date: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 1,220
03-25-2005 12:38
"All"?
Asha Lumiere
Registered User
Join date: 1 Jun 2004
Posts: 197
03-25-2005 13:03
From: Seth Kanahoe
"All"?


Unless I missed something every single post is either mocking, putting down or telling him how he could have or should have posted different...

He did nothing wrong, why's everybody so mean?
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Rose Karuna
Lizard Doctor
Join date: 5 Jun 2004
Posts: 3,772
03-25-2005 13:06
From: Seth Kanahoe
Well, it's not locked.

May I suggest that a better way to get a point across is to share a parable or moral-based story with similar intent from another faith, creed, or philosophy? Where are the Buddhists, Stoics, Shintoists, etc., out there?


Blackfoot people have lots of these stories. One for almost every animal. For the Rabbit:

Ableegumooch, the rabbit was a forest guide. However, as time went on, people and other animals learned to find their own way through the forest and they used Ableegumooch's services much less. He grew lazy and fat, doing only things that were fun and easy to do. His poor grandmother had to do the food gathering or they would have starved. She scolded him many times, but he would not change his ways.

Glooscap saw that the rabbit was becoming a useless creature, so he decided to warn Ableegumooch of the dangers of laziness. He arrived on the shore near the rabbits home and soon the rabbit came hopping along. "It's a lovely day to do nothing, nothing, all the day through!" the rabbit sang, ignoring the tasty leaves and berries that he passed, which he could have gathered for food. Instead he watched as the other animals gathered food.

Suddenly he heard a voice behind him, "Ableegumooch, be careful!" He jumped in fright, and looked around to see who was speaking. There was no one there. The voice spoke again, "Take care, Ableegumooch, or your lazy ways will bring you pain and sorrow." The voice was coming from above, so the rabbit looked up. The fir tree above him was shaking violently, yet there was no wind to stir it. The rabbit was scared silly, and he ran all the way home to tell his grandmother what had happened.

She said, "Glooscap has given you a warning. Be sure to obey him, grandson, or you will be sorry."

Ableegumooch promised that he would mend his ways, and for a while he did. However, soon he grew lazy again. The next autumn he was hopping along singing, "It's a lovely day to do nothing, nothing, all the day through!"

One day he came upon the house of Keoonik, the otter. Keoonik invited him to dinner, and he quickly accepted. Keoonik turned to his elderly house keeper and told her to prepare the meal. Then he took some fishhooks and went toward the river. The rabbit followed, curious to see what Keoonik was going to do. The otter slid down the snowy bank into the river. Soon the otter came up with a string of eels which he took to his grandmother.

The rabbit was impressed and said to himself, "Well, that is an easy way of living! I can do that just as well as Keoonik!" and he invited the otter to dinner at his house the next day.

He hurried home and told his grandmother that they were moving the house to the river's edge. He did not listen to his grandmother telling him to get food, since he was busy making a slide like Keoonik's.

Since it was cold, all he had to do was pour water down the snowy bank where it froze over night. The next morning Keoonik arrived and the rabbit told his grandmother to prepare the meal. She shook her head sadly and said, "There is nothing to prepare."

Ableegumooch told her not to worry, that he would take care of it, and off he went to the slide. When he tried to push off, he found that since his coat was not smooth like the otter's, it was more difficult to slide down. Eventually he made it down, and he plunged into the cold water. Suddenly he remembered that he could not swim, and he began to struggle and scream, all thoughts of fishing cast aside in his efforts to stay afloat.

Keoonik had to save him, all the while his grandmother was muttering, "He must have seen that from someone and decided to do it as well." Instead of learning from his mistake, the foolish rabbit tried the woodpeckers's way of getting food , but he only ended up with a bashed and bruised head. He saw the bear cutting food off his feet, and he tried it. However, he did not know that bears preserved berries on the pads of their feet to later cut off, and he ended up cutting into his own flesh.

At last Ableegumooch remembered what Glooscap had said, and he saw how silly he had been. "Oh dear!" he said. "My own ways of getting food are hard, but others' are harder. I shall stick to my own in the future," and he did just that.

From that day on, Ableegumooch and his grandmother always had plenty of food stored in their house. :)

.
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David Valentino
Nicely Wicked
Join date: 1 Jan 2004
Posts: 2,941
03-25-2005 13:10
From: Asha Lumiere
You're all a bunch of intolerant trolls, if you don't like it don't read it ok.



While i agree that there is some intolerance going on...one shouldn't preach the gospel in a forum such as this, and not expect people to voice thier opinions on it. This isn't a bible forum, christian forum, pagan forum or any other religious-type forum.
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David Lamoreaux

Owner - Perilous Pleasures and Extreme Erotica Gallery
Taco Rubio
also quite creepy
Join date: 15 Feb 2004
Posts: 3,349
03-25-2005 13:18
From: David Valentino
While i agree that there is some intolerance going on...one shouldn't preach the gospel in a forum such as this, and not expect people to voice thier opinions on it. This isn't a bible forum, christian forum, pagan forum or any other religious-type forum.


Unless your religion is Asshatian.
Chip Midnight
ate my baby!
Join date: 1 May 2003
Posts: 10,231
03-25-2005 13:25
From: Seth Kanahoe
Well, it's not locked.

May I suggest that a better way to get a point across is to share a parable or moral-based story with similar intent from another faith, creed, or philosophy? Where are the Buddhists, Stoics, Shintoists, etc., out there?


This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropists. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever he wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss his ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

From the desk of Karl

1. Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list Himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't use alcohol.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 5 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you where one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
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Lo Jacobs
Awesome Possum
Join date: 28 May 2004
Posts: 2,734
03-25-2005 13:26


"Another contribution by Lo Jacobs ... beautifying the forums since 2004"
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David Valentino
Nicely Wicked
Join date: 1 Jan 2004
Posts: 2,941
03-25-2005 13:33
From: Chip Midnight
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropists. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever he wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss his ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

From the desk of Karl

1. Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list Himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't use alcohol.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 5 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you where one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.



OMG! I love this!! Too funny and so very true!
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David Lamoreaux

Owner - Perilous Pleasures and Extreme Erotica Gallery
Rose Karuna
Lizard Doctor
Join date: 5 Jun 2004
Posts: 3,772
03-25-2005 13:37
From: David Valentino
OMG! I love this!! Too funny and so very true!


I have to agree Chip - Brilliant!
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I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To :D
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