Note on the installation of Wife 1.0 and known issues.

Upon updating Girlfriend 2.0 to Wife 1.0 we can notice that this program occupies such a big quantity of memory that the system has very little left for any other program. We can observe, moreover, that Wife 1.0 tends to generate child-programs that use further precious resources.

There is further negative effect, not documented in any way in the installation manual: Not only Wife 1.0 overrides the order of initialization of appications after the system's start up, taking control of every other application, but many programs, like EveningPoker 10.3, Drunk 2.5 and NightatthePub 7.0 fail to initialize and crash the system, even if they worked perfectly before the installation of Wife 1.0

It has to be noted that at the installation, Wife 1.0 installs some unwanted plug-ins like Mother-in-Law 55.8 and Father-in-Law 0.5 Beta that slow off the system further.

The following features have been suggested for implementation in version 2.0 of Wife:
- A "Remind me later" Button, possibly with a very long customizable time span.
- A "Minimize" button.
- An Uninstall program that allows to uninstall it without a sensible loss of "cache" or system resources.
- An option to set the net card work in shared mode, allowing an higher number and a better quality of hardware tests.

A possible solution would be to avoid installing Wife 1.0 and installing Girlfriend 2.0, but even that can cause a wide range of problems.

Apparently it's impossible to install Girlfriend 2.0 over a previous installation of Girlfriend 1.0. Unfortunately it's necessary to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. It seems to be a long time known issue that many expert users seem to be aware of.
From some tests made on the system it seems that different installations of Girlfriend cause a conflict in the use of the I/O ports. It's surprising that the software house still didnt adress such a trivial bug.
A further problem is that the uninstallation program of Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't seem to work correctly and leaves some hidden files into the system, it's still unknown if they can cause problems with time.

Anyway the most annoying problem is that every version of Girlfriend has a pop-up window that advertises every two minutes the possibility of updating the program to Wife 1.0

Bug Warning:

Wife 1.0 has an un-documented bug. If you try to install Lover 1.1 without uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will completely delete the Cache and will proceed to auto un-install itself. After that Lover 1.1 installation won't work due to lack of system resources.

Troubleshooting:

To avoid the above mentioned bug, install Lover 1.1 on a different system, and never launch shared applications between the two systems (like for instance LipstickontheNeck 0.4 or Brainthecouch 1.14), because they can transmit dangerous viruses that can affect Wife 1.0 and trough it the entir system.
A different solution could be launching Lover 1.1 using a public usenet service provider, using an anonymous access. But even in this case the risk of viral infection is pretty high.

Best regards.

Hee Hee

Seen that before, it's pretty funny. I'm waiting for someone to respond with a Husband 1.0 version though. That would be funny too..

Shiryu, that one 'has a very long beard' as we say in German (meaning 'it has been around for quite some time'). It is still funny, though, reading it again from time to time.

I always wanted to write the Husband 1.0 version and even started one a year or so ago after some inspiring events. My english is not good enough to do it in the preferred language of the forums, though.

You cant write Husband 1.0 it would be too short. People forget men are simple we only need three things n life.


Food
Sex
and Sleep

Not in that specific order either. Funny thing is I can do all three of those.

In my truck



















In traffic



















at rush hour.






Shadow

If it were just that easy. Sigh. Opinions on that theorie seem to depend mostly on the viewpoint. Obviously the specimens in the respective experiments regarding that question are not very objective

It appears that the code written for Wife 1.0 is indeed much more complicated than the code written for Husband 1.0 ....

X-celling Over Men
By MAUREEN DOWD

Men are always telling me not to generalize about them.

But a startling new study shows that science is backing me up here.

Research published last week in the journal Nature reveals that women are genetically more complex than scientists ever imagined, while men remain the simple creatures they appear.

"Alas," said one of the authors of the study, the Duke University genome expert Huntington Willard, "genetically speaking, if you've met one man, you've met them all. We are, I hate to say it, predictable. You can't say that about women. Men and women are farther apart than we ever knew. It's not Mars or Venus. It's Mars or Venus, Pluto, Jupiter and who knows what other planets."

Women are not only more different from men than we knew. Women are more different from each other than we knew - creatures of "infinite variety," as Shakespeare wrote.

"We poor men only have 45 chromosomes to do our work with because our 46th is the pathetic Y that has only a few genes which operate below the waist and above the knees," Dr. Willard observed. "In contrast, we now know that women have the full 46 chromosomes that they're getting work from and the 46th is a second X that is working at levels greater than we knew."

Dr. Willard and his co-author, Laura Carrel, a molecular biologist at the Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine, think that their discovery may help explain why the behavior and traits of men and women are so different; they may be hard-wired in the brain, in addition to being hormonal or cultural.

So is Lawrence Summers right after all? "Only time will tell," Dr. Willard laughs.

The researchers learned that a whopping 15 percent - 200 to 300 - of the genes on the second X chromosome in women, thought to be submissive and inert, lolling about on an evolutionary Victorian fainting couch, are active, giving women a significant increase in gene expression over men.

As the Times science reporter Nicholas Wade, who is writing a book about human evolution and genetics, explained it to me: "Women are mosaics, one could even say chimeras, in the sense that they are made up of two different kinds of cell. Whereas men are pure and uncomplicated, being made of just a single kind of cell throughout."

This means men's generalizations about women are correct, too. Women are inscrutable, changeable, crafty, idiosyncratic, a different species.

"Women's chromosomes have more complexity, which men view as unpredictability," said David Page, a molecular biologist and expert on sex evolution at the Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research in Cambridge, Mass.

Known as Mr. Y, Dr. P calls himself "the defender of the rotting Y chromosome." He's referring to studies showing that the Y chromosome has been shedding genes willy-nilly for millions of years and is now a fraction of the size of its partner, the X chromosome. "The Y married up," he notes. "The X married down."

Size matters, so some experts have suggested that in 10 million years or even much sooner - 100,000 years - men could disappear, taking Maxim magazine, March Madness and cold pizza in the morning with them.

Dr. Page drolly conjures up a picture of the Y chromosome as "a slovenly beast," sitting in his favorite armchair, surrounded by the litter of old fast food takeout boxes.

"The Y wants to maintain himself but doesn't know how," he said. "He's falling apart, like the guy who can't manage to get a doctor's appointment or can't clean up the house or apartment unless his wife does it.

"I prefer to think of the Y as persevering and noble, not as the Rodney Dangerfield of the human genome."

Dr. Page says the Y - a refuge throughout evolution for any gene that is good for males and/or bad for females - has become "a mirror, a metaphor, a blank slate on which you can write anything you want to think about males." It has inspired cartoon gene maps that show the belching gene, the inability-to-remember-birthdays-and-anniversaries gene, the fascination-with-spiders-and-reptiles gene, the selective-hearing-loss-"Huh" gene, the inability-to-express-affection-on-the-phone gene.

The discovery about women's superior gene expression may answer the age-old question about why men have trouble expressing themselves: because their genes do.


.

LOL. This thread is developing - completely unexpected - into some form of high qulity content

BTW: With some little genetic engineering this might not take 100,000 years. Not even 100. Two issues remain, though:

1. Sexual reproduction was one of the best 'inventions' of nature for the evolutionary process
2. I am not sure if I would like to live in a world without men, their existence DOES have some advantages ...

I started off with the Husband 1.0 for about 10 years. Within the first 5 years the performance was less than satisfactory so I installed the SecretLover 8.0 and let me tell you I am thorougly satisfied now!

Well, Shadow, after installing Divorce 666, twice, all is left is this "Food
Sex
and Sleep

Not in that specific order either. Funny thing is I can do all three of those.

In my truck

In traffic

at rush hour. " and suddenly it all becomes clearer and everything runs so much more smother, no more lag and no more crashes. lol

yours truly,
Della

Yeah I agree. Despite cold pizza in the morning and smelly socks on the floor, the Husband 1.0 program makes me laugh so I think I'll keep him around awhile.


.

You know Men have that kind of relationship too....


but the thing we keep around is the dog.

Makes sense to me, the same methods can be used to train them both with pretty much identical results.

Im gonna be installing Mistress 1.0 soon as I can find a compatable one. Unfortunately most versions I have seen so far require Rod 8.0 to inteface the UI. Or the other requirement is Bankaccount 100,000.0

Oh well, the search continues

There is one, I used to have it a few years ago. But lost it when my computer crashed.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.

I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!

Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C: I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot accept new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

LOL, omg, what did i start?

Funny as hell Dakota. And yes i knew it was old, but didn't know it's origin and found it only on italian forums so far, so i thought it was worth it to translate and post it
However being a translation of a translation it could have lost some of it's verve in the way



You forgot PersonalTaxiDriver 1.1 and ShoppingMule 2.3
Also note that allowing Husband 1.0to run at the same time of entertainment programs such as Gran Turismo 4.0 may cause a virus infection that will affect the performance of TaxiDriver 1.1 and make it's usage extremely dangerous for the system's integrity.

The real question---- is Wife 2.0 considered an actual upgrade?

If Wife 2.0 is the Trophy edition than yes, that's an upgrade.

Careful though, she's really high maintenance.

Dakota this is great! ROTFL.

It is exactly what I was looking for. Finally I have a reply for the next time I'll get an email with 'Wife 1.0'

Im telling ya, SecretLover 8.0 is the way to go ladies. I did get the Limited Edition version and yes Shadow it came with the 8.0 rod extension also a complimentary loin cloth, palm leaf, and grapes.

(This is an official sarcastic joke and in no way reflects the moral integrity and puritan thoughts and deeds of the original poster.)

Ooops I was accidentally logged in as my husband Waves when the above post was made. What a frigging dork I am!!!!!! Sorry Waves, I errr was just playing around hun!!!

SOK Waves, Im installing Vacume P1.0 to accellerate my Rod 7.8 to 8.1. Maybe then I can interface with the multiple UI's of Mistress 1.0-1.9. Also will be running Viagra 6.0 to maintain system integrity and prevent melt down.

Shadow

For the users lacking the equipment or means to install Girlfriend 5.0 or Wife 1.0 might I suggest:

Masterbation 1.15 - which runs solidly and always performs as expected, but can only be installed on a Palm system.

Note remarks invoking Masterbation 1.15 Typically causes a GPF in Forum 1.0 causing catastrophic shutdown.