Idiot report...

The from actual cooking instructions on a frozen pizza:



Yes, in bold letters.

Later on was a note to be sure to let the pizza cool for a minute so you didn't burn your tongue. I'm surprised it didn't warn me not to eat the box and not to play in the oven.

I love the silica gel inserts in medicine bottles that say do not eat

This was on the warning that is permanently taped to my curling iron:

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice…

I saw this and I wondered.... what in the hell prompted it.

Did someone heat it up and put it in their mouth?

Nose?

Ear maybe?

NAH..... I just can't go there!

Suppose it's ok to drink or smoke them?


I'm also waiting for the day when soft drink containers warn "Warning! This beverage you are about to enjoy is very wet" to avoid drownings.


While I'm at it, what's with every users manual congratulating you for buying the silly thing. Like I'm supposed to be proud I went to Target and bought a toaster?

lol great thread! My absolute favorite is the "For external use only" warning that is on damned near everything. What the hell are people doing with shampoo that would cause a company to warn them not to inject or injest it? "This Biolage Awaphui smells wonderful and makes my hair soft and silky. I think I'll use it as an enema!!"

Lol good point.
I'd like to know what incident prompted the "for external use only" warning.
Then again, maybe not





Another scary thought.
(Althouth it probably gave an emergancy room crew an interesting story to share)

Whats oral mean? i eat something that says dont take orally so i didnt put it up my asshole.

Most of those "odd" warnings are related to sex.

Curling irons and orfices? Yeah. Phallic much?

Shampoo? Nice and slippery!

So true...even my vibrator says for external use only...now how much fun would that be pfft.

Ohh and only use the johnson's baby shampoo, much less burn factor (unless your into that sorta thing )

Mix with water before feeding ! ! ! ! !

Self-inflating beach ball:

Warning: Do not use as lung replacement device or to assist in breathing in any way

You can drink it, to clean you on the inside, OBVIOUSLY!

(PS IT WORKS GOOD!)

We can all thank ambulance chasing lawyers for this. I was told that a step ladder has to have TWELVE warning labels on it. I guess that's in case the person using it grew up in an environment devoid of gravity and the physics associated therewith...

Silica Gel having 'do not eat' on it is pretty likely to be directed at the parents of small children. (Those of an age that puts just about everything in their mouth as soon as they pick it up...) Sort of a 'Yes this shit actually IS toxic' warning.

I don't think one year olds are really of reading-age though. (What idiot parent would let a kid have anything they happen to find to chew on?)



Yep, they're evil. Our court system isn't so hot, what can I say...

Ya.....

Never actually BEEN around new parents, right?

Well it's obvious... Babies are born without brains. Before the family leaves the hospital, each parent donates half of their own brain in order for their munchkin to be able to think. However, it takes them a while to regrow the missing half. In my experience, some never do!

My favorite are the directions on shampoo bottles. Lather, Rinse, Repeat if necessary.

Now let's think about this for a minute. You have just instructed someone who felt the need to read the instructions on shampoo to make a judgement call on the cleanliness of their hair. These people may never know if they have successfully washed their hair.

Twenty-three applications later they are still wondering, "Is it necessary? I do have some left in the bottle. Maybe just one more time."

Eventually these people will pass out after hours of standing awake in the shower and drown. Companies are just too reckless in their product labelling. How much longer are we going to let them get away with this stuff?

Thank goodness they have a warning not to eat rat poison. Could you imagine how terrible that would be?

Some gangster in Detroit is to blame for the curling iron bit.... I guess this guy used it on his girlfriend for cheating... she died a few days later from urine poisoning...

I once got a complex and secure lock top drink holder.... the instructions on how to open it were safely locked inside... After I broke the first one I knew exactly what to do with the second one... not buy it.... Who needs their beverage locked in straw accesable a vault?

LOL - This explains SO much! Baby Talk, Eating that first spoonful of Baby Food just to prove the stuff is eatible, walking around in a daze wearing puke stained clothes. All this time I thought it was just lack of sleep.

On boxes of Celebrations (choccies) on the underneath flap... on the bottom

Do Not Open This Way

Hrm, I always thought that the way to open a box of choccies was to clear a space on the floor, or table... rip the carton to shreds, pouring foil-wrapped chocolatey goodness all over the surface, then dive right in...

That is the preferred method.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(This one appears to make more sense than the others).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." This should be followed by the phrase "LOLLOLOLOLOLOL" in huge red letters on the bottom.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
Well OK - I have to admit, once I was in a hurry, noticed I had a wrinkle in my skirt and actually did iron it without taking it off. Well... ok I admit it, I have done this more than once.

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." DOH

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
OK - does that mean that they cannot be taken internally?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

Obviously something involving the genitals.

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

You know just to amuse myself on my next flight, I intend to stare intently at the instructions on the pack of peanuts and then without opening them, pop the entire package into my mouth and then turn and smile at the person sitting next to me.

LOLOLOL - that should get me both arm rests for the entire trip!!!

(People have caught onto the barf bag trick already anyway)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

I guess stopping a chain saw with your genitals is sort of like mistaking your penis for a chicken neck and hacking it off. Just another run of the mill farm injury. The only thing I want to know is WTF are the farmers smoking?

Bwaah haa hahh

If the real world had a label, it should include that warning.



... is "your" the opperative word here? Is it ok to stop the chainsaw with someone else's hands or...??