Silent food?

Can anyone recommend a place in world to buy food that DOESN'T talk? I've seen some places that have really yummy-looking graphics and I'm happy with an occasional whispered message about the taste, but I'm _so_ not impressed with food that talks as loudly and as often as your guests. Or gives you not-moddable holiday greetings when the holidays are over.

Thanks for any suggestions.

Some of my best conversations were with a lettuce. I couldn't go on though, people were starting to look at me funny. So I turned over a new leaf and ate it.


* sigh *

well it sounded funny in my head!

Strange Restaurant

By Shel Silverstein

I said, "I'll take the T-bone steak."
A soft voice mooed, "Oh wow."
And I looked up and realized
The waitress was a cow.
I cried, "Mistake--forget the the steak.
I'll take the chicken then."
I heard a cluck--'twas just my luck
The busboy was a hen.
I said, "Okay no, fowl today.
I'll have the seafood dish."
Then I saw through the kitchen door
The cook--he was a fish.
I screamed, "Is there anyone workin' here
Who's an onion or a beet?
No? Your're sure? Okay then friends,
A salad's what I'll eat."
They looked at me. "Oh,no," they said,
"The owner is a cabbage head."

A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox's table,
a large fat meaty quadruped of the bovine type with
large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have
been an ingratiating smile on its lips.

'Good evening', it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches,
'I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in the parts
of my body?'

It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters in
to a more comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.

Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from
Arthur and Trillian, a resigned shrug from Ford Prefect and
naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox.

'Something off the shoulder perhaps?' suggested the animal,
'Braised in a white wine sauce?'

'Er, your shoulder?' said Arthur in a horrified whisper.

'But naturally my shoulder, sir,' mooed the animal contentedly,
'nobody else's is mine to offer.'

Zaphod leapt to his feet and started prodding and feeling
the animal's shoulder appreciatively.

'Or the rump is very good,' murmured the animal. 'I've been
exercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there's a lot
of good meat there.'

It gave a mellow grunt, gurgled again and started to chew
the cud. It swallowed the cud again.

'Or a casserole of me perhaps?' it added.

'You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?' whispered
Trillian to Ford.

'Me?' said Ford, with a glazed look in his eyes, 'I don't mean
anything.'

'That's absolutely horrible,' exclaimed Arthur, 'the most revolting
thing I've ever heard.'

'What's the problem Earthman?' said Zaphod, now transfering his
attention to the animal's enormous rump.

'I just don't want to eat an animal that's standing there
inviting me to,' said Arthur, 'It's heartless.'

'Better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be
eaten,' said Zaphod.

'That's not the point,' Arthur protested. Then he thought about it
for a moment. 'Alright,' he said, 'maybe it is the point. I don't
care, I'm not going to think about it now. I'll just ... er ... I
think I'll just have a green salad,' he muttered.

'May I urge you to consider my liver?' asked the animal,
'it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding
myself for months.'

'A green salad,' said Arthur emphatically.

'A green salad?' said the animal, rolling his eyes disapprovingly
at Arthur.

'Are you going to tell me,' said Arthur, 'that I shouldn't have
green salad?'

'Well,' said the animal, 'I know many vegetables that are
very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually
decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed
an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of
saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am.'

It managed a very slight bow.

'Glass of water please,' said Arthur.

'Look,' said Zaphod, 'we want to eat, we don't want to make
a meal of the issues. Four rare stakes please, and hurry.
We haven't eaten in five hundred and seventy-six thousand
million years.'

The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle.
'A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good,' it
said, 'I'll just nip off and shoot myself.'

He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur.
'Don't worry, sir,' he said, 'I'll be very humane.'

It waddled unhurriedly off to the kitchen.



From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams

LOVE THAT BOOK!!!

hehe thanks

Film was bollocks though!

Love the posts above. To return to the question, though, have you tried Kitchen Korner? They have a ton of stuff, and as far as I'm aware, it doesn't talk much... the items I've tried tend to just give you a whispered message when you first take a serving.

Thanks! I've been trying to get to Kitchen Korner, but every time I have the chance, the lag monster is devouring us, which is why trying every single food place under Search didn't seem a good option. Usually I restrict my shopping to SLX for just that reason, but you can't test animations there. At least I'll feel better about repeatedly trying to get to Kitchen Korner if I know they won't be like the first two places I tried.

And, hey, the lettuce line made me laugh.

Thank you for the Above, Do you know if they have, or anyone else has for that matter, Good Dining Animations? I could use a Few just now.

Angel.

Hmmm, I'm not sure-- been awhile since I was there. It'd be a likely place to look, though; they have all sorts of extras (like silverware) so they'd likely have the anims, too.