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Dinner With Bono

DarkDharma Daguerre
Avatar Artist
Join date: 26 May 2004
Posts: 132
05-29-2007 16:11
Bono's Journey from Rock Star to Humanitarian
by Marshall Goldsmith
Published in Business Week Online, April 2007


A little while back I had the opportunity to sit next to Bono—yes,
that Bono—at a charity fund-raiser. I am 58 years old, and since his
music was recorded sometime after 1975, I was unfamiliar with it.
Fortunately for me, he did not discuss his music. He discussed his life.

After listening to Bono share his personal story, I realized that he
is a wonderful example of a person who has not only changed his
behavior but also his identity, or definition of who he is—while
remaining authentic and not becoming a phony.

In my work as a coach, I help top executives achieve positive change
in their leadership behavior. Over the years, I have begun to realize
that if we want behavioral change to last, we need to focus not just
on how we act. We also need to look at how we define ourselves—the
personal identity we create for ourselves.

From Regular Bloke to Rock Star
Bono's early identity was "regular guy." He was not brought up rich
and had a disdain for pretension. It was easy to see how he has
maintained this identity.

In our one-on-one conversation, as well as in his after-dinner speech,
Bono was self-deprecating. As we spoke, his language was very much
"regular guy." He politely apologized to me for using variations on
the" f-word" a few times. (I assured him that this language was not
troubling to me. As a teenager I thought it was the adjective that
preceded most nouns.)

After "regular guy" he became a "rock 'n' roll fan." He was animated
in his discussion of the musicians that had influenced this life—and
how much he enjoyed listening to them as a youth. In his speech he was
generous in his praise for other musicians and in his admiration of
their work.

Bono's next identity was "musician." He described how he had made a
commitment to his craft—and how much he enjoyed what he did. He talked
about the joy of playing with friends when no status or money was
involved.

His next identity was "rock star." He clearly liked being a rock star.
He enjoyed the fame, the large coliseums filled with adoring fans, and
the access to influential people that being a rock star provided.

(Sitting next to him in a room filled with hundreds of people was an
interesting experience. For a while, I kept wondering why so many
beautiful young women seemed to be staring at me. I got the feeling
that being a rock star was a good thing!)

Becoming a Humanitarian
As much as he remained a regular guy, was clearly a huge rock 'n' roll
fan, loved being a musician, and enjoyed the life of a rock star—Bono
was even more excited about his new role. He was now a humanitarian.

He recounted with deep feeling his experience of visiting Africa
during the great famine of the '80s. (I spent nine days there as a Red
Cross volunteer and watched many people die of starvation, and I could
relate to this experience.) He talked about his desire to help those
who needed help the most and to alleviate human suffering. It was
clear that a large part of the rest of his life would be devoted to
doing whatever he could to make our world a better place.

In his after-dinner speech he did not take cheap shots at politicians,
governments, or anyone else—even when certain questions teed up this
opportunity. He was clearly there to raise money and to help people in
need—not to prove how smart or clever he was.

He was sincere in expressing gratitude to anyone who was helping out
in any way. His need to help others far exceeded his need to be right.
He is a man with a mission. He isn't pretending to be a humanitarian
—he is a humanitarian.

Avoid Self-Limiting Definitions
After having dinner with Bono, I reflected upon how he had changed. He
did not let his definition of who he was limit his potential for who
he could become.

One of our greatest challenges in changing behavior can be our
self-limiting definitions of who we are. We send messages to ourselves
like: "I just can't speak in front of a group." "I could never lead
others." "That just isn't me!"

We often think of our identity as fixed. It doesn't have to be. For
example, if we define ourselves by saying "I am a terrible listener,"
we will create the reality that we become a terrible listener. And
even worse—if someone says that we are a good listener, we won't
believe them. We will say to ourselves: "That's not the real me."

When my clients describe self-limiting identities, such as being a
poor listener, I ask them if they want to change. When they say they
do, I assure them that they do not have incurable genetic defects that
are stopping them from listening. Not only can they change their
behavior—and become good listeners—they can change their definition of
who they are.

Overcome the Obstacles in Your Mind
Who is the you that you want to become? Have you defined yourself in a
way that limits your own potential?

In the same way that Bono changed not just his behavior but his
definition of who he is, you can change your definition of who you are
and change your role in the world.

Figure out the role you would like to play in life. Outside of real
physical or resource limitations (e.g., I cannot be a pro basketball
player at age 58, no matter how much I try), what is holding you back?

You may not be able to overcome all of the obstacles in the world, but
you can overcome the obstacles in your own mind!
Nyoko Salome
kittytailmeowmeow
Join date: 18 Jul 2005
Posts: 1,378
:)
05-29-2007 17:58
:) ty for posting!! very thought-provoking...
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