I've given almost a week's thought about this, and I'm now formally announcing a self-imposed exile from the public forums.
I understand that there are several precedents for this in the past -- I've been in touch with a few self-imposed exilees, and they have given me similar advice, based on their personal experience.
I'm no newbie to forums, discussion boards, mailing lists, or any other sort of public online discussion places - although I'm a newbie to Second Life's unique in-world interactions - and self-imposed exiles is what I usually do, by becoming a lurker instead of an active participant, when I feel that things get out of hand.
In the recent past (2 or 3 weeks), people have used my words, taken out of context, to advocate my position related to some ideas or some people, and using that as a means to irritate third parties. While I assumed - erroneously - that people don't really "care" about what I write or not, this was a big mistake I commited. They "care" - as far as they can use my words as some sort of "weapon" against others.
This has caused grief to others, some of which I have always considered my friends. Thus, in turn, worries me, because people who are my friends have now bits and pieces of my writings, and use them as "proof" that I'm aligning against them.
Although I try to be as objective as I can in the things I write in the public forums, let me assure you that I always did so to defend my position and my personal agenda. I also have my egocentric moments, trust me. I don't write about things just to "please" or "displease" people. I write them because I feel I have something to contribute to the SL population, and, failing that, to give at least the community something to discuss - even to disagree with. That is also "worthwhile" in my eyes. It's better to speak against some idea than to not speak at all. If I can encourage that, I'm glad.
However, lately, people have viewed my ideas as promoting other people's "hidden agendas", or "siding" with people on disputes/disagreements, and thus not remaining objective in my thoughts. This, I think, is a consequence of my inability to remain absolutely neutral - or, worse, my inability to use a more politically correct way to express myself. I'm not "neutral" - I actively promote my own agenda. And I don't want to sound either hypocritical or condescending by saying the contrary.
Some people reading my writings know what my not-so-hidden agenda actually is: encouraging and promoting resident-based organizations of all sorts. From the days of the infamous "Government in SL" days, to recent things like the Event Planners group, or discussing how Mentors should work, it's all the same. I actively promote and encourage residents' participation in SL, complementing LL's excellent community work so far. I have always stated clearly my dislike of anarchy, chaos, and a too libertarian view of "absolute freedom", and suggested several models of "organization" and "order", where there is an open-ended participation by the whole community. I will continue do so in the future, since those are things I truly believe in.
However, by defending those ideas in the public forums recently, I have been often "accused" of picking sides. In several cases, I managed to convince those people in private that I'm not picking any sides but my own. Often I failed. But the truth is that SL is vast enough that I'll certainly find some people that will promote ideas that align with mine. This leads me to associate with them. In so many cases, I work together with people on different projects, that can't stand the sight of each other in SL. However, for me, more important than the personalities of those people, it's what they stand for that interests me. My alignment is more often towards what people do in SL, and less towards how those people behave.
When you are in the middle of people with conflicting views of the world, but with which I can relate to in a certain respect, because some of their ideas fully align with my own, it's almost impossible for an outsider to look at my actions and not to say that I'm "choosing sides". However, an objective observer (and there are so little around, these days), will see that I align myself easily with all sides - because I truly believe that every person who has something valid to contribute to SL, and which happens to have overlapping ideas with my own, is worthy of my respect, and I'm certainly willing to work with them.
"Only the Sith deal in absolutes" (certainly my favourite motto from SW III). For myself, everything really is relative, but, like the Jedi philosophy, I split the SL world in two large groups. The first one is the group that wants a growing community which self-organizes. There are many forms of self-organization. Three people forming a group of "SL Hermits" announcing that they won't want to have anything to do with SL organization are organizing themselves. Thus, I'm the sort of person who will probably align with the "SL Hermits" just because I think that people should have the right to organize themselves against organization itself
This, of course, leads into trouble with the other group of SL - the ones actively promoting that SL should remain a chaotic landscape, and that self-organization is not a good thing, leading to drama and favouritism.Different people in SL will organize around common goals - and be shunned because of those goals. Often they won't even see that they have common goals - they will simply accuse each other of contrary views, although, in truth, they're often promoting the same things. In my arrogance, I truly say that I have a gift of looking beyond the people and only concentrate on what they are doing. If their goals are worthwhile, I'm all for promoting them - even fully knowing that the people from the opposite group will view that as "siding" with the "wrong" people (in the old definition that "wrong" is applied to everybody else but yourself).
Exploring these dynamics is also something that I truly enjoy in SL. In a way, people are more "primitive" in SL in the sense that they're more blunt, and it's often easier to understand what really motivates them.
However, there is a limit to what I can take. When I'm thrown in the midst of emotional attacks and being accused to be siding to A vs. B vs. C, I'm always seen as biased. Since I promote A, B and C's efforts at the same time - as I see that all of them have their own merits - A will now accuse be to side with either B or C against him/her, and, of course, B and C will accuse me of the same. The problem begins when I have attached myself emotionally with all of them, and consider them to be my friends. I'm put into the position of having C saying that I'm now siding with B against A - and using my own words on the public forums as "proof" that I did it. When in reality I was siding with neither of them, and egoistically just promoting my own ideas. Of course, A, B and C will now strongly disagree, based upon their perception and interpretation of my words. And it's hopeless to deny anything, or bringing objective arguments about why I'm not "siding" with either A, B or C - but promoting all their ideas simultaneously. A, B or C will always believe that I'm siding with either one against the others, no matter what I claim publicly. At the end of the day, I'll lose all of them as friends, and probably be tagged as an anti-A, anti-B, and anti-C promoter. This definitely saddens me, and is hurting them all as well, since they feel I've betrayed their trust and confidence.
(of course, in reality, the whole alphabet wouldn't be enough for me to cover all the story - it's not just "three sides"
The oriental philosophies teach us that to stop suffering, you must identify the source of suffering, and recognize that there is a way to stop suffering. In this case, I think that the source is very clear to me: my writings in the public forums are causing sadness, pain, and spreading the idea that I'm abandoning my friends or betraying them by stating my opinions on ideas. This, of course, is completely against the ideas that I should be promoting - building communities, and not destroying them, by hurting people.
So, at this point, I think that I will retire to my exile. I'll be still happily posting on the group forums, where the discussion is much less heated, perhaps because people know exactly what "side" they're on when they're posting on a very specific group. And I'll reserve my general opinions on the SL community, land, economy, politics, or whatever dynamics this world has to offer on my blog and some of the more technical e-zines.
To all whom I have offended, either directly or indirectly, my sincere apologies. I really hope that you understand my decision of self-imposed exile and respect it as the only way I have to stop hurting you.
"Words are silver, but silence is golden".
Take care,
- Gwyn
