Dear Family, Guests and All in Attendance:
Today is my wedding day I must admit the truth to you all.
I am not really Mario's Fiancee.
I am an undercover physciatrist working with SLHMO (Second Life Health Maintenance Organization).I have been hired to bring Mario Fonzarelli back to SLHMO without incident. I have compiled a case study below so you will be well prepared in the event that my plans go arie.
Case Study:
Prognosis Negative. Mario Fonzarelli has been a patient of SLHMO for more than 7 years.
His case has eluded every Psychiatrist in our facility, save for myself. I am the last doctor
with the experience and willingness to take on this very complicated case.
Following is background information and my plans for treatment.
Recent Background Information:
On Superbowl Sunday 2004 Mario Fonzarelli escaped from our facility. This
is the first time I met Mario in a free enviroment. I located him at Club Stardust.
He was in a delusional state and believed he was the owner of this club. He was, at first
impression, what I like to refer to as a Blow Hard. He was ordering the dancers around and
demanding table dances, one after the other. He was also shouting outload "Come in Sexy Talk with me" "come talk sexy to me". I do not know what this means. I did not attempt to
"Talk Sexy" to him at this time. I instead calmly introduced my self and began a vague conversation.During this private conversation I found Mr. Fonzarelli to be quite docile and even sweetat times. This change in personality still baffles me to this day. I must also note that this personality change seems to only take place when I am alone with him. He does not reveal this sensitive side in public. I have continued to track his movements and document his behavior to the best of my ability. In one incident he managed to sneak into a Beverly Hills Fashion Show by pretending to be handicapped. I assume the patrons and designers felt sorry for him, so they did not attempt to remove him at arrival. I believe the promoters of this fashion show regretted thier decision after Mr. Fonzarelli repeatedly flatulated and shouted obsenities throught the entire evening. Oddly enough he was not asked to leave.
These are just two examples of his irrational behavior.
Escape History:
Superbowl Sunday was not the first time Mr. Fonzarelli managed to flee our grips.
In 2003 during the Nascar finals he managed to elude our guards and was found in a highly
aggitated state, mumbling "Junior cant be 3rd, he cant be 3rd". He was eventually returned
without altrication. This was done by luring him back with a Ham & Cheese (7 slices) Bagel
and a Bud Light as soon as the race was over. Marios first escape came in 2002 during the
Stanley Cup Playoffs. Somehow he was able to escape through a barred window and after 16 hours was found in the electronics department of Sears curled in the fetal position
again mumbling these words over and over again "Detroit should have known better than
to let Carolina go into overtime". We have,after 3 years,failed to decifer what this statement
could mean and have since given up trying. As you may have noticed these escape attempts
seem to coincide with major sporting events. Which has led me to this plan for his capture.
Plan of Capture:
I plan to marry Mario Fonzarelli on March 26th,2005. My hope is that the ceremony will go off
without incident and he will not suspect anything. After the wedding we will return to our
honeymoon suite. I have made all the necessary arrangments prior to being alone with him.
I will be wearing the latest in tracking devices along with a semi automatic Springfield Armory 9mm hangun, the clip holds 15 rounds, which should take him down if he should retaliate.
Once alone in the honeymoon suite I will park him in front of the television set, which has been pre-programmed with only 2 channels, The Speed Channel and endless reruns of Blind Date. This we know from the past can keep Mario occupied for hours at a time. At this time
I will activate the tracker and the SLHMO guards will attempt to take him into custody.
In the even that Mario discovers this plot prior to, or during to the ceremony, please do not panic. Quietly stand and leave the venue in an orderly fashion. Please try not make any loud noises or sudden movements as this has been known to throw him into a fit of rage where he will begin to pee on everything in sight and I do not want anyone unecessarily injured or soiled.
Please take under advisement that at this time his current mental status is still unknown.
I appreciate your cooperation on March 26th and please try to appear in the natural state of enjoyment.
In closing I would like to say that I apoligize to anyone who I may feel misled regarding these
wedding arrangements. Any money or gifts given will be promptly returned via UPS Ground.
I simply could not reveal the truth until my plans could come to fruition.
Best Regards,
Cazzi Opel M.D.,PhD,M.Ed.,LPC,LISAC
Psychiatrist
Second Life Health Maintenance Organization
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