About My Life, the Empty Nest Syndrome, and New Rooms!

OK, so my older daughter has gone off to college. (All of fifteen miles away.) There she has a suite with her own room and bath, and her roommate has her own roommate and bath, and they share a kitchen bigger than mine, with more cabinets, and a living room, and a laundry room with full-size washer and dryer!!! The whole place only a year or two old.

AND she's gone off equipped with a new computer better than mine (except it can't really play games, har har har), and new dishes and pots and pans and towels and sheets and curtains and ALL that kind of junk, which I had wonderful fun buying with her. So basically she's all set.

And GONE.

This is in many ways hard on the three of us left behind (not to mention the pets), but on the other hand, she was so anxious to GET gone, she could scarcely tolerate being with us on our last family vacation, which we planned entirely around her favorite things - mainly the beach. So - and all good things must come to an end, and the new era begins, and overall, it's time she's gone. (In fact, I've heard it said that the reason old people and teenagers are so onery and difficult is that if they weren't, you couldn't bear to part with them.)

Well, after all the crying was over (done entirely by her sister Katie and me), and we sort of adjusted to it all, I began to look around and take stock. Katie had immediately moved into her sister's old room, and now enjoys a much bigger room, a connected bath, and a big closet - right NEXT to the playroom with the biggest TV and a nice tidy little computer right beside it for getting online and chatting with friends.

She wasn't sure she wanted to take that room, because it is below ours, rather than across from ours, and she is a sociable girl. So for the past few weeks she has just been trying it out. And YES, we DO miss each other in lots of ways, even though we are just a floor away, lol. But it's much bigger and better for a girl her age. So this weekend we switched furniture and made it official.

And now I'm taking stock, and I gotta say, things look awful good! This house is big and very nice, in woods and stuff, but it has virtually no storage, and being modern, no attic. (And NO kitchen cabinets. Only one other kitchen have I ever seen with fewer cabinets. Very pretty kitchen, eat-in, and above the trees - but no cabinets to speak of. But the kitchen is neither here nor there to this story.)

So okay - all of a sudden I realize I have this whole EXTRA ROOM!
With TWO CLOSETS! Ever since my older daughter took over the downstairs - which used to be my office - I've had my office, out-of-season clothes, and everything else I used to store down there jammed into this one upstairs bedroom, about 12 x 12, with one closet. It's a nice room, but having all my own work in it, on top of my play (SL, etc.), plus all the out-of-season clothes, and the financial affairs of two and now three households - ALL that stuff jammed into and done in this one little room - well . . . WOAH - I now realize it's SPREAD OUT TIME!!!

Today I moved all those jammed-in clothes and trunks and suitcases I had squashed into this closet along with office supplies and put it in the other room! Next to this one, that had been Katie's - which will now be a guest room. I put up shelves in one of the closets. There's a dresser with EMPTY drawers for me, a side table with EMPTY drawers for me, a chest of drawers with EMPTY drawers for me, and a bookcase with EMPTY shelves for me! (Well, not really just for me, but for all that stuff that got jammed into my office as the girls grew.)

So . . . yeah, it's sad, an era over, and all that. And my girl is grown and gone, with a place of her own. But you know, turns out there's some up side to that, too!

coco

P.S. It's also one HELL of a lot quieter and calmer now. The one who left was the drama queen. But that notwithstanding, I've also discovered that no matter what your kids are like, having just one is easier than having two.

P.S. Closets notwithstanding, I'd give practically anything to be able to go back to the beginning being their mom, and get to live all of it all over again. (This time with my new digital camera!) But, life doesn't work that way, does it. Oh well . . . I can look forward to grandchildren, I guess.

I so hear ya, girlfriend.

My daughter turned 16 and her dad gave her a jimmy to drive. Ever since then I haven't seen her. I've seen traces of her...clothes strewn along the halway, puppy pads changed, laundry in the dryer.. but as for the child herself? I'm lucky we stay in touch by cell phone. And oh is the house so much more peaceful.

Loved your post!

There are plus's and minus's to the empty nest syndrome.

First you feel a little sad and empty and displaced.

Then you feel a little less crowded.

Then you LOVE the privacy.

Then.....






They show back up on your door step after 10 years and you SCREAM!

But you make up the guest room, make them a hot chocolate, empty their sack of dirty laundry and do it for them, hug them, listen to their woes and try and help them work it all out.

But if your smart....

You put cracker crumbs in the guest bed when you make it.

Muhahahahahah

My daughter will be 18 in October. She started college this year, too, a whole 40 miles away. She wants out of the house so bad, and I am so ready for her to be out, too, but.......Downstairs is far enough out right now. I got lucky and my stepson had moved out earlier, so we had a bedroom downstairs she could move into. The downstairs is like an apartment. It has a bedroom, den w/fireplace, half bath, and it's own entrance. So even though I don't see her, I do occasionally see her car. It is helping me adjust, more than her. And of course, the stepson does not have internet or cable, (or usually food) so we still see him most nights.

Growing up is hard for mothers.

Funny stories! And yes, I hope she doesn't come back in ten years, but as I recall, I did something similar between moving from one city to another. I stayed for three weeks, while my mother hinted a lot about when I would be going . . .

To add another note to this saga of mine, today I realized that my SEWING can go in that room! Always I have wanted a sewing room. Well, there is no TV in there, and I don't do that much sewing now that the girls are older- but with everything out and in one spot, there's a chance I might do more sewing. Cause dragging it all to the dining room table has been a bummer all these years . So I moved the sewing stuff up there today. Yay!

coco

I hear you all, but I have a question! Are you having any problems adjusting the size of your meals??? I still cook as if I am feeding an army Cooking for 3 instead of 8 is so far my biggest adjustment problem to "almost-empty-nest-syndrome). My poor dogs are getting fat because I can't bear to throw away all the food that is left over.

As for available rooms in the house, I now have 3 empty bedrooms (empty of people that actually sleep in them, that is), but they're filled with yes, sewing paraphernalia, a 10,000 piece puzzle that I looked forward to work on 10 years ago when everybody was still home, beds and cribs and toys for the grandkids, etc. etc.

There still doesn't seem to be enough room for everybody's boxes (I'll get that later, mom)....and the furniture that just doesn't fit in whatever place they're living in right now (I'll get that later, mom)......and the childhood memories that they don't have room for yet but "will get later, mom".

Instead of having MORE time for myself I seem to have LESS, instead of having more room I seem to have less, instead of having more money I seem to lend more to the kids than I used to spend on them when I had to feed and clothe them (there's always a willing beggar).

This empty nest thing just isn't working out as I had envisioned it. I always swore I wouldn't slip into a depression when the kids move out and I haven't (so far). I just can't quite "remember" what I meant to do with my freedom once they were out of the house. I can't quite comprehend that I have less time now then when they were all still at home and I was working a full-time job.

I think SL is taking up a bit too much of my free time

Oh Yes! I had a huge problem with this, my husband used to say that he was going to phone the homeless shelter and invite them all over on Spaghetti night.

I have (over a 5 year period) managed to bring this under some control. Here's what I do....

I don't cook anymore.

lol.

I pick up take out or sandwhiches at the grocery store on the way home for two people.

I've lost 20 lbs.

Sometimes I cook on Sundays, maybe.

I miss cooking a little and maybe when I get moved into our new house (I'm in the process of downsizing and moving right now) I'll do a little more of it, albit with less ingredients. It's just that it's difficult to cook a pot of spaghetti or a roast for just two people and those are the sorts of things that I used to cook for the family.

Oh and I too went through the "projects" phase and I have bonsai stuff, and stained glass stuff and wood burning and carving stuff and silk painting stuff and just all sorts of craft stuff all over the house. Now I am having to move to a MUCH smaller place and having to decide what sort of things I really want to do. The only project stuff that I am keeping are my Bonsai's and Orchids. All the rest goes. It's tough. Oddly though, SL helps because it gives me a creative outlet that does not clutter. So if you have to justify time in SL....

Consider the clutter excuse.

(Oh and by virtue of moving to a smaller place, I am shipping all the stuff that they want back to them or giving it away to someone who actually does want it). I had the same problem, grandma's dishes on this shelf for my brother etc. etc. Now that I am moving to a smaller place, it all has to go.

I don't have the cooking problem, but I remember when my brother moved off to college, I had a horrible time setting too many settings of silverware on the table. That was awfully sad.

I have NO problem filling up my time. I have two girls, but the older one was like three girls all by herself. So I do have a lot calmer life, and with more time to myself. And now when one girl is gone playing softball or something, they're magically both gone! lol

Clutter-free creativity! That's what I like about SL, too. None of this jumping and down to get stuff, or put away stuff. Just sit in place - and poof! It comes into (virutal) existance!

coco

When I left for college I bet my car wasn't even out of the driveway yet before my mom started converting my room to her new sewing room, hehe. When I came home from college for the first time (I was 700 miles away) they had moved and I lost the paper I wrote the address on. I drove around for hours hoping to recognize their cars and finally flagged down a cop who helped me locate them... at 2am. Good times

Hahaha, Chip! Sewing rooms are a luxury moms often wait years for.

Before Chrissy moved, I was reading a household organization book (the encyclopediac one by Peter somebody, I think, of Clean Sweep), and it had a section on kids leaving for college. It said not to be too quick about removing all traces of their existance from your home. Like leave some posters up in their room, etc.

So I asked my daughter carefully about everything - what did she think of if Katie took over her room; would she be okay in the guest room or playroom when she came back to visit; what did she want me to do with her left-over stuff, etc.

She was like, fine, fine, do whatever you want, doesn't matter to me, I'm outta here! lol

coco