Peril Sensitive Forum Sunglasses

In honor of the 53.16 year anniversary of Douglas Adams' birth (a number which seems oddly appropriate) here is a handy guide to the use of the Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Forum Sunglasses which have been specially designed to help people develop a relaxed attitude to danger. At the first hint of trouble, they turn totally black and thus prevent you from seeing anything that might alarm you.

Suppose you would prefer not to see posts from "Porky Nova". If you see a post by this hypothetical poster, you need merely click on the poster's name to get their profile page. On that profile page, you will find a link titled (hypothetically) "Add Porky Nova to your Ignore List". Click on that, and you will get a confirmation screen. Press the "Submit" button - for some reason submission is always required. This will activate your Peril Sensitive Forum Sunglasses; no further action is required.This is a paragraph that has absolutely nothing to do with the preceeding paragraphs nor the subject at hand. Nevertheless, I feel it my duty to add this paragraph as brevity is not the soul of wit. As was noted by famed French mathematician, physicist, and religious philosopher, Blaise Pascal, "I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter". What some dead French guy has to do with this subject is not at all clear. Indeed, Chewbacca is a wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about that; that does not make sense. Why would a wookie, an 8 foot tall wookie, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall ewoks? That does not make sense! But more importantly, you have to ask yourself, ‘what does that have to do with this case?' Nothing. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case. It does not make sense!

This paragraph humbly apologizes for the preceeding paragraph. I listened, welcomed, and put into practice the criticism that was bestowed upon me....If I didn't welcome criticism I wouldn't have put my post on this forum and asked for an opinion....If I come across as defensive then I most humbly apologize for your misconception. I have opinions on things that are etched very deeply into my brain and I will protect them to the death, if that is being defensive or flippant then I suppose we have different defintions of the word. In regards to "against what?" I can say only that I was defending my stand on the issue of whether or not a common playground phrase used in a post becomes part of the collective artistic or literary property of the forum.

The bourgeoisie cannot exist without constantly revolutionizing the instruments of production, and thereby the relations of production, and with them the whole relations of society. Conservation of the old modes of production in unaltered form, was, on the contrary, the first condition of existence for all earlier industrial classes. Constant revolutionizing of production, uninterrupted disturbance of all social conditions, everlasting uncertainty and agitation distinguish the bourgeois epoch from all earlier ones. All fixed, fast frozen relations, with their train of ancient and venerable prejudices and opinions, are swept away, all new-formed ones become antiquated before they can ossify. All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with sober senses his real condition of life and his relations with his kind. The need of a constantly expanding market for its products chases the bourgeoisie over the entire surface of the globe. It must nestle everywhere, settle everywhere, establish connections everywhere. The bourgeoisie has, through its exploitation of the world market, given a cosmopolitan character to production and consumption in every country. To the great chagrin of reactionaries, it has drawn from under the feet of industry the national ground on which it stood. All old-established national industries have been destroyed or are daily being destroyed. They are dislodged by new industries, whose introduction becomes a life and death question for all civilized nations, by industries that no longer work up indigenous raw material, but raw material drawn from the remotest zones; industries whose products are consumed, not only at home, but in every quarter of the globe. In place of the old wants, satisfied by the production of the country, we find new wants, requiring for their satisfaction the products of distant lands and climes. In place of the old local and national seclusion and self-sufficiency, we have intercourse in every direction, universal inter-dependence of nations. And as in material, so also in intellectual production. The intellectual creations of individual nations become common property. National one-sidedness and narrow-mindedness become more and more impossible, and from the numerous national and local literatures, there arises a world literature.

This is actually the last sentence of the post but has been placed here by mistake. This is the title of this post, which is also found several times in the post itself. As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself in his bed transformed into a gigantic insect. This sentence informs you that the preceding sentence is from another post entirely (a much better one, it must be noted) and has no place at all in this particular narrative. Despite the claims of the preceding sentence, this sentence feels compelled to inform you that the post you are reading is in actuality "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka, and that the sentence referred to by the preceding sentence is the only sentence which does indeed belong in this post. This sentence overrides the preceding sentence by informing the reader (poor, confused wretch) that this piece of literature is actually the Declaration of Independence, but that the author, in a show of extreme negligence (if not malicious sabotage), has so far failed to include even one single sentence from that stirring document, although he has condescended to use a small sentence fragment, namely, "When in the course of human events", embedded in quotation marks near the end of a sentence. Showing a keen awareness of the boredom and downright hostility of the average reader with regard to the pointless conceptual games indulged in by the preceding sentences, this sentence returns us at last to the scenario of the post by asking the question, "Why is Billy strangling his mother?" This sentence attempts to shed some light on the question posed by the preceding sentence but fails. This sentence, however, succeeds, in that it suggests a possible incestuous relationship between Billy and his mother and alludes to the concomitant Freudian complications any astute reader will immediately envision. Incest. The unspeakable taboo. The universal prohibition. Incest. And notice the sentence fragments? Good literary device. Will be used more later.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real avatars, living, dead or institutionalized, is purely coincidental. Some assembly required. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle. Postage will be paid by addressee. Address correction requested. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. Not for internal use. May be unsettling to some viewers. For recreational purposes only. Do not disturb. Must be over 18 or have your parent's permission. If condition persists, consult your doctor. Freshest if eaten before date stamped on carton.

Posts the size of a planet and nobody listens. It's so depressing.

How do I bitch and moan about posts from people I don't like if the PSFS hide them from my sight ? That's a big drawback!

I have a new acronym:

YAPNOF - Yet Another Prokofy Neva Obsessed Fan.

Huh?

He said he loves you and can he have your babies

Mal is the greatest

Man, I wish!

I have a new acronym as well!

WBNAWITF -

oh, panda. So clever, so insightful!

You got me there! Ouch ouch ouch

Yeah, I always win the acronym game! Thanks for playing though.

...

when I see too many words I just keep scrolling and long story short I didn't read all that but I got the H2G2 reference

Huh?

So much to get.

Great post Mal.

Your post made total sense, Mal, except for one thing. Endor is a moon, not a planet. Get it straight, man!

"We are going to shoot you."

That's what I love about this community, you can put your ideas out there for public comment and critique. Thanks, Chosen, that error really does sort of weaken my whole stance; I appreciate the correction.

LOL. Leave it to Chosen to maintain the sci-fi excellence-n-integrity of SL!

The post is sort of a Hegalian dialectical synthesis, so I'll see if I can make it a little more concise for you:

1. As you so correctly surmised, the initial part was indeed a reference to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, pretty incisive there...
   
2. The seond bit was a rant written by the screenwriter David Webb Peoples and popularized in film by an actor named Brad Pitt.
   
3. Matt Stone and Trey Parker contributed the concept behind the Endor section.
   
4. An anonymous but apologetic net musician also entered the thesis (with some editing)
   
5. Some guys named Karl Marx (I think he was brother to Groucho) and Friedrich Engels blathered on for a bit about class or the Borg or something.
   
6. David Moser provided a self-referential conclusion
   
7. The disclaimer was provided by Tom and Ray Magliozzi and their illustrious law firm of Dewey, Cheetham and Howe.
   
8. pandastrong Fairplay provided visual aids
   

But this is likely only of historic interest as Chosen Few pretty well demolished my synthesis.

Uch, why am I never invited to the post-modern orgies?

Who can be often seen hanging with the bums at Harvard Square.
Aka Click & Clack!

Just be thankful you aren't invited to the post-mortem orgies.

Are we talking about the same pandastrong? I'm not sure, but you might be mistaken 'bout that.

Yet again, I get odd looks from everyone else in my class thanks to an uncontrollable laugh courtesy of a pandastrong image post.

Bravo.

As for Malachi, much enjoyed the initial gamble through Douglas Adams-land.