Statement of Commercial Intent

Statement of Commercial Intent-
That the public may be informed of our intentions to engage in commerce with good faith and in accordance with all applicable laws, regulations, and ordinances which may apply, we hereby make notice the incorporation of Advanced Defense Ordinance Strategems (herewith known as ADOS), a privately-owned entity. To follow is a press release from ADOS CEO and Motivational Speaker Clammypox Cellardoor.
-The Law Offices of Kaufman, Kaufman, and Kaufmanberg

Greetings, Second Lifers!
Boy, are these dangerous times we live in! WWII gaming enthusiasts, self-replicating mice, UFO abductions, laser guns, mechanized mortar towers, stray fireworks, unseasonably humid weather, and a globe-spanning narco-terrorist underworld can make a trip through the Outlands fairly unpleasant! Sure, you can buy a rifle for self-protection, but what good is a conventional single-shot firearm in the hands of a peace-loving programmer against today's generation of grenade-wielding shoot-'em-up fans? Not much.
Luckily, ADOS is here to help. Our select line of tactical implementation apparati are second to none with regards to ease of use and all-around viability. From strategic gas canister launchers to our world-famous Personal Defense Modules, ADOS aims to please with high-end merchandise at low, low prices. Drop by our elegant display case at Tan (126, 26) to browse our selection and admire our stained-glass, elevated showroom floor. You can eat off it! [Note from Legal Department - Please do not eat off showroom floor] Stop in today. ADOS. Because desperate times call for deadly measures.
--Clammypox Cellardoor
CEO and Motivational Speaker
Advanced Defense Ordinance Strategems

LMAO!

good job CC (reserved theatrical clapping)...well written!