One year ago today the Massachusetts Supreme Court approved gay marriage. Since then the state has seen thousands of subsequent changes on its path down the slippery slope. Here are some highlights.
- June 12, 2004 - Shelita Hamm of Petersham, MA showed up at City Hall to apply for a marriage license with a slab of bacon she purchased at the local Safeway. The bacon bore an uncanny image of Bradd Pitt on the surface. With help from the National Pork Producers Council, her request was approved. Shelita and "Bacon Brad" say they are living happily together and look forward to their one year anniversary.
- July 16, 2004 - Animal Control officials in Wilbrahamm, MA unveil a month long report on the status of dogs and cats. According to the report, following the legalization of gay marriage dogs and cats throughtout the city have been playing together in harmony. "They just walk around and love each other. It's not natural," said Carlotta Diehls speaking before a Town Hall Meeting.
- August 28, 2004 - MTV Executive Connie Sewer announces that the Real World will return to Boston. Early sources claim new housemates will represent a more diverse set of cultures and will include a pot roast, Ted Danson's hairpiece and Charo.
- October 27, 2004 - Reaching what some might call the "fucking unbelievable end" of the slippery slope, baseball's perennial "bridesmaids", otherwise known as the Boston Red Sox step up to the alter and win the World Series.
- December 22, 2004 - The town of Egremont, MA was shocked to read the following headline in the newspaper, "Wise Man Elopes with Baby Jesus Following Living Nativity". Phil Ayschio and Peter "Shorty" Wood (a 30 year old dwarf) declared their love for each other following weeks of grueling preparation for the living nativity. Sofonda Cox laments, "We knew people would eventually want to marry children, but we never thought they would marry the baby Jesus. It's just not right. Damn this slippery slope. Damn it straight to hell!"
- February 14, 2004 - Local retailers in Ipswich, MA are feeling the pressure this Valentines Day. "We just don't have the display space for all the cards this year," remarked Summer Clearance of Summer's Gifts and More. Following the floodgates of gay marriage over 17,000 new types of relationships have been validated in Massachusetts. What was once considered a potential economic boon for the greeting card industry has turned into a logistal nightmare. "We just never considered the polyamorous combination of a tadpole, a soccer mom and a lightbulb," exclaimed Sharon Husbands, VP of Product Placement for American Greetings.
- April 18, 2004 - The town of Leicester, MA officialy declared April 18th as "Bitch's Day". Little Tommy Twotoes was upset that all of his friends were celebrating Mother's Day next month and he didn't want to be left out. You see, Tommy's new stepmom is a pedigree border collie that his Father met on a Carnival Cruise earlier this year.
There have been a lot of changes this year. One can only imagine the changing face of the world as we visit this issue next year.