Friendship SL Style

Lately I've seen several references to friend-relationships being this or that - she is my friend, or he is not my friend, etc. etc.

Got me wondering how people experience, define and feel about Second Life friendships.

For me this plays to both my forum and inWorld relationships - i have friends inWorld that do not post here and I have friend posters whom I seldom hang or talk to inWorld.

I guess my main distinction is that 90% of people I interact with both here and inWorld are acquaintances, some Excellent! one too! Usually friends are those people who I have contact with beyond SL and the SL forums, either in other IM's, phone, business, etc.

How does it work with you?

My closest friends in SL, I tend to speak to in other IMs too. Sometimes, they're completely different, sometimes the same. I have ICQ and Yahoo accounts so it makes me easy to contact.

I have a very, very small set of "friends" in game. I have learned awhile ago that everyone that seems to be your friend, is really your friend. That doesn't mean that I am not outgoing or try to meet new people, I am just cautious. There are some people that I have become friends with in game that has travelled out of there to other communications outside of the game.

As for the forums, I know a few of the people that post here, but that is about 3. Most of the people I know in game rarely come to the forums. If they do, its to check new products then they leave.

well Im farily new to the social scene so I only have a couple friuends and a few casual acquaintences. I do recognize alot of people Ive talked to in-world from the forums.

My experience with friendships in SL mirrors RL.

I have met some incredible folks (clever, talented, crazy, charming, sexy, and/or intriguing combinations of all of these). Sometimes, we have very cool conversations that might last a few hours. Then, they disappear only to reappear at a later date. When they come back, they are just as astounding as when they left.

I consider every individual I meet to be my friend. I suppose I am naive, but friendship is not something to be taken for granted--in SL or in RL.

It's funny how most of the people I know and admire on the forums I rarely see in-world. But it really doesn't matter online, in forums, or in real life...you like someone, and they like you...you're friends.

Although it may get under some people skin - for me 'friend' is a fairly powerful word - and not one that I bandy around.. As in RL I have a wide circle of people that know me, and probably call me a friend.. On the flipside I would say there are a lot of people that know OF me - but I don't know them at all...

Going in closer to the people I do, I'd say that I have many aquaintences.. people I know, chat to, but don't really know at all...

To the people I call friends, these are a small small circle of people that I know well, and that know and understand me.. people I would go to efforts to try and help if they got in a jam, and that would do the same for me.. People that are there not only for the good times, but also for the bad.

These people I could probably count on my fingers...

Siggy.

Siggy, if I count your fingers, can I be your friend?

I don't really divide up people between friends and non-friends (acquaintances). If I have spent any time at all conversing with someone, that someone is now my "friend." (Unless they deny it, lol.) I'll be friends with most anybody who wants to be friends with me back. However deep it goes is just . . . however deep it happens to go. Friendships of all depths are valuable, useful, and mutually satisfying. And some friendships just gain value over time, no matter how non-deep they may have seemed to you at first.

There are just different levels of friendships. Two of my favorite, best, dearest online friends, I virtually never talk to outside of any game. That's because I don't normally talk to anybody outside of a game, whether on AOL or by any other method. I have exchanged e-mails with quite a few online friends, for various practical purposes, but I rarely chat with them outside of games. One exception: Teenagers, who will often IM me, or someone I haven't seen in a game for a long time, and, of course, then we chat.

But those two of my favorite online friends I mentioned do have my rl phone and address, as do several other close online friends, and a number have been to my house, and I've spoken on the phone with several. Same thing is true of people I have met and known for a long time in a chat room, or some other online group.

So for me, there is no real difference between a friend in the game and one I've had contact with outside the game. Usually we have contact outside the game mainly because we have a practical reason to do so. I'm good at doing games, and forums, but not good at reading e-mail or doing chat programs.

I just love having the wide variety of friends of all ages, genders, nationalities, etc., that one can enjoy when one plays online games and other online activities. Often they are people you wouldn't normally run into or even think of becoming friends with irl, due to age differences, etc. I love that online is a rather direct conduit into a person's mind and soul, with the physical considered later, if at all; rather than vice versa, as it is irl.

coco

Merwan,

Since we have spoken on the phone and in IM, does that make us officially friends?

Now that I think of it I think I have 3 levels. Although there are people who fall between the cracks of the 3.

Acquaintances that I meet and enjoy chatting with but I never really get to know. That for me is the majority of folks I run into.

Friends that I like well enough I'd meet up with them in real life. I can chat with them, be myself. I care about what they have to say and enjoy their company when they are around.

Then there are the friends who have a special place in my heart. That I think about during the day, if I don't see them about for awhile I am concerned. The people you meet that you are thankful that places like this exist because you can't imagine not knowing them.

One of my friends and I were talking about this the other day and she mentioned that she preferred to call them local or long distance friends instead of "real" and online friends.
I thought that was lovely and I've completely stolen it.

-Sun
much <3 to my long distance friends

I agree completely. My friends in SL are also my friends in my first life. People will come, and people will go, but years from now, the people I call my friends will still be my friends.

Lately I've been getting the, "Oh, I read your posts on the forum" which can be something of an icebreaker. I always expect the next comment to be, "Boy, are you ever screwed up!" Hasn't happened yet.


The movies "Meet the Family" and "Meet the Fokkers" were meaningless humor, but I am constantly reminded of DeNiro's obsession with his "circle of trust". I have concentric rings of trust, I think. Most folks start in one of the outer rings and move inward through their own behavior relating to me. I can't tell you where "friend" and "not friend" begin or end, it's just a feeling I get when I talk to them and spend time around them. Gaining my trust isn't hard to do if you're honest.

I think the game UI feature of having a button labelled "Friends" can alter how we define a friend. If I say so-and-so is my friend it means a different thing than if I say they're "Friended" or "on my friends list". 70% of my friends list isn't online at any given time, anyway. And many of them have disappeared for weeks at a time.

friends and SL are kinda weird

Many the people on my firends list arent my friends.

Some are. I have friends i dont talk to often on that list - but i still think on them fondly and if we do talk were still friends.

Not all my lovers have been friends, some of my ex lovers are - some try to be.

As for true friends - do anything for no matter how tough - I have 2.

I had 3. =(

i think friend in sl and friend in rl mean very different things. very few people in sl approximate my rl meaning of friend. in rl, a lot of my calling card list, which inworld i call friends, would be acquaintances, people i see at parties, colleagues, or contacts. it's not a bad thing. this thread just made me think, "what do i really mean when i say friend in sl?"

friends help you move and none of you showed up last week when i needed you